Colleges Ward Off Overinvolved Parents

<p>From Wall Street Journal Online:</p>

<p><a href="http://www.careerjournal.com/columnists/workfamily/20050729-workfamily.html?cjpartner=mktw%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.careerjournal.com/columnists/workfamily/20050729-workfamily.html?cjpartner=mktw&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>I loved the part about the "parent bouncers."</p>

<p>That was really brave to post. My mom showed me the article a few days ago and I thought about posting it and decided not to.....</p>

<p>Not brave, Suze. It is true, from what I've read--especially from the phantomprof's blog which Driver once posted a link to--, that some parents are way overinvolved. But you also have to understand that CC acts as a venting place for many parents. It does not mean they are on their kids' case 24/7 or calling up profs, admin, deans, pres all the time.</p>

<p>I think that as the cost of attending college has risen that parents do feel that it is a commodity. Many families live in houses that cost less than 4 years of tuition at college and they have far more input on that kind of financial decision/commitment. I am not speaking of the overinvolvement in the studen's daily life but the demand for input/info from the institution the accountability. For many families this will be the largest investment ever made.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I am not speaking of the overinvolvement in the studen's daily life but the demand for input/info from the institution the accountability.

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I completely agree. I don't meddle, but I stay apprised of what's going on. In case I should need to meddle. :) (hasn't happened so far, going on year three).</p>

<p>I whole heartedly agree that we have become consumers of higher education. On what else does a person spend over $40,000 per year and not know exactly what they are getting for their money?</p>

<p>Exactly......you know you will get the sticker but that is about all you know.</p>

<p>The only time I have felt like getting involved was when it took Columbia an entire semester to change an incorrectly posted grade for my daughter. She went through the proper channels again and again and for some reason whatever office takes care of those issues could not get it together. She was applying for jobs and needed her transcript to be up to date. I came REALLY close to making a phone call but she threated me with death. They eventually changed it but geez, it shouldn't take three months.</p>

<p>The comment about cellphones being a type of umbilical cord rings true to me. ;-)</p>

<p>I haven't called the college -- yet. But,I, too, believe colleges have brought this on themselves by hiking their costs way beyond inflation each year. (Columbia's up 5%, thank you very much.) Hence, our kid MUST get through in four years, which means he really can't screw up a whole lot. When there is $200,000 or so at stake, it is much harder to sit back the way our parents could as we drifted our way towards a degree, taking more than four years, sampling two or three universities along the way. I feel sorry for the kids because so much is at stake. I do not feel sorry for the universities.</p>

<p>I also believe there is added interest becaused the expectation of attending graduate school has risen and the funding to attend has fallen. Therefore the expectation used to be for undergrad and that standard has risen. In the US it is believed that ALL students should/can go to undergrad and that one cannot make a living wage without it......a very high benchmark.</p>

<p>The only time I call the college administrators is when I get a bill that is incorrect. For instance, I had to make a call to my oldest son's school yesterday becausehe received his tuition bill for the fall. However, it left out about $3500 in credits though the bill said it was due in full by August 19. Because I am expected to make the payment I think I should make the call.</p>

<p>As for the actual selection of classes etc. that is up to my son. Though because he is in engineering it is pretty well laid out already and he has a limited amount of choice on the electives until next year.</p>

<p>I agree, Marite, that CC is a good outlet for us very involved parents. Having just gone through the emotionally draining college ap process for the second time, CC provides me with a good opportunity to debrief, without seeming obsessed to the rest of the world!</p>

<p>They put it all on the parents, ie some parents are just too involved. But guess what? Kids are different. Some kids can figure it all out for themselves and others are totally lost and maybe it would be that way even if they were raised in the same house by the same parents. So some of these parents maybe are overinvolved but others are providing the level of support for their kids that is needed, whatever that may be. </p>

<p>I have resisted starting a thread these past few weeks about how my wife is overinvolved. She continues to wake my son up in the morning and has spoken on the phone to my son's roommate's mother. Some of her frends have told her they gave their sons' wake up phone calls during their first semester at college, so she has already justified doing that.</p>

<p>I have called my mom on occassion to make sure I am awake for an early exam or flight.......not often but once or twice. I have friends who also need a check in the AM following a late nite of studying at the end of finals week....we check on each other and it is quite nice. My problem is that I always have a final on the last day of exams and I am soooo tired by that time and many people have left the dorm.....so I call you know who.</p>

<p>My nephew's friend is going to attend Community College next year. His mother is very overprotective. My sister-in-law told me she is going to take him to the bookstore to buy his books with him, and go around with him to help him find his classes on the first day (he has his own car) To me, this is unbelievable!</p>

<p>Just asking?? What she does is believable that he tolerates it is the unbelievable...of course if he tolerates this from her then of course he is emotionally impaired...</p>

<p>I will step up and admit to having been overinvolved with my oldest. DH, a new DH of just several weeks, was responsible for making me face my issue and letting DS grow up and handle his own life. He has ADHD and LDs and I was convinced he needed me to wake him up, get him to school, get his applications filled out and oh so much more. DH told me to stand back and watch him rise to the challenges and become a man, He has. I love you DH, and I love and am so proud of DS. We love these kids so much, we just want life to work for them. It's such a hard concept to understand that it's all futile if they can't make it happen for themselves.</p>

<p>I don't know them too well personally but they are neighbors of my SIL's family and she is friends with the mom. From what I understand, he is very passive about the whole thing (though definitely not autistic), and my SIL and I have discussed numerous times that our kids (or almost any kids) would not tolerate being treated like this. I don't know enough about psychology to say if he is emotionally impaired or not, but I can say that if he objected, she might back off, so he is contributing to the situation as much as his mother is.</p>

<p>Well if it is CC and she wants to be there and experience it with him she should register for a couple of classes herself. Then they could be students together....and she would make some new friends. I have a mental image of her in the bookstore, the commons, the bathroom....opps cannot do that.</p>