<p>College Confidential,</p>
<p>I am worried about my daughter. I remember when I was in school, we drank and some of us used harder drugs like cannabis. I'm reading that kids are getting really into harder drugs, and I worry about my daughter?</p>
<p>What is the drug scene like at colleges today? I know for a fact my daughter (a senior now) and her boyfriend are pure and substance free, because she would tell me, but I am worried about college.</p>
<p>Wondering Father</p>
<p>Some kids do drink too much and use drugs in college, but many do not. You know your D best. Is she the type to experiment with drugs? If not, I wouldn’t worry too much. </p>
<p>As for drinking. I know that some will flip out with what I’m going to write, but oh well. I told both of my kids that having been in college myself that I know that underage drinking goes on. We talked about the dangers of binge drinking and getting drunk. We talked about NEVER drinking and driving. We talked about always eating a full meal before going to a party. We talked about not drinking from unknown mixed drinks (who knows what’s in them.) They totally agreed with our conversation. I hope they party wisely.</p>
<p>It’ll be important for your daughter to pick a school that has other social activities to take part in. Some schools don’t have much going on and a lot of the kids default to drinking, but if there are ample opportunities for other types of socializing she will have no problem abstaining from the drinking culture if she chooses without feeling like she’s been left out of something. The party culture is an important factor to consider when thinking about how comfortable the student will be at a given school.</p>
<p>D’s are, to the best of my knowledge, still tea totalers (is that the correct way to spell that?) but we had the same conversation that mom2college describes. They also made it a point to choose a school that offered other activities they enjoy and have both found alchohol free friends and activities like twisted advised.</p>
<p>You can’t control what she will do when she leaves home but you can advise and have a frank open conversation about the dangers of irresponsible partying Before she goes. The Naked Roommate is an excellent conversation starter and has several chapters devoted to sex drugs and alcohol.</p>
<p>Like mom2collegekids, I know my college D drinks some. (When I was in college it was legal, so not underage drinking back then.) I think it is important to have those conversations, and pray a lot. They all do stupid things, some are lucky that the consequences aren’t severe, some are not so lucky. I am a worrier.</p>
<p>My son has been rather disappointed in his social life at college. Seems that most kids do some major drinking on the weekends, and he doesn’t even like the taste of beer/wine or watching others get toasted. I think there’s a terrific amount of drinking at most colleges. However, it probably depends a lot on the particular college, and whether it goes on throughout the week, or just on the weekend.</p>
<p>wonderingfather, if you’re worried about your daughter, I’d say she sounds grounded and fine. Why do you say you’re worried about college?</p>
<p>It’s “teetotaler” historymom, but close enough 
</p>
<p>I think the real thing to focus on is not what the school’s drug culture is like, but what your daughter’s awareness of drugs and alcohol usage are, and to have good conversations with her about how, just because something might be around her, doesn’t mean she has to indulge. The mom’s who posted ahead of me gave pretty sensible, practical advice. Will she drink? Probably. And you probably won’t be able to stop her, but by discussing the dangers of drinking with her (also important for sons, it’s not just girls that need discussions about alcohol’s dangers) you can protect her and help her drink responsibly. Doesn’t mean you have to sanction it, but you also don’t have to let her walk in totally unarmed. </p>
<p>As for drugs, I think that is something that can more easily be avoided on most campuses than drinking. Because drugs are illegal for all ages (whereas alcohol is only illegal for under 21s), drug use is typically not something universally indulged in by students. Many may smoke pot, but harder substances will really vary by campus. I think the biggest danger that students face is from the abuse of prescription pills. They’re usually a lot easier to get your hands on than any other substance because they can be given out legally by doctors. Adderall in particular is widely abused because students with ADHD can and will sell, give, or loan to their fellow students. It’s very foolish really because some students start to think of adderall as just a normal study aide, like caffeine in coffee, and never think that they’re really becoming drug addicts. Many don’t see using prescription drugs as being “bad” like using cocaine or heroin, but they can become just as addictive and be just as dangerous (see:oxycontin). </p>
<p>Again, you can’t be sure that your D will be insulated from that (unless you send her to a biblical or Mormon college and even then, well, you never know), but you can make a huge difference by talking to her and making sure she understands that prescription drugs (any kind of drugs, but let’s go with prescription drugs because IMHO they’re the most common on campuses) are a DRUG. They are dangerous, and they have cost college students their lives, especially when mixed with alcohol, as they often are during parties. There’s a reason you can’t buy these things over the counter, and if you have to use drugs to stay awake to write your papers, you’re not only cheating, but you’re putting your health in danger. </p>
<p>And if being illegal and dangerous to life and limb is not enough of a problem, drug use can keep you from getting a job in the future, particularly if she has any plans of maybe working for the government (where they not only ask you about your drug history, they make you take a lie detector test about it). </p>
<p>Honestly, discussions, not scary, threatening ones where you just say “don’t do it!” but mature ones where you explain the consequences of her actions, can make a huge difference in getting her stop and think through her choices. </p>
<p>Okay, sermon, over.</p>
<p>I talked with my sons about strategies to use if people were pressuring them to drink and saying ‘No thank you’ wasn’t working too well. (Hold an empty beer bottle or fill it with water and sip it. Have a drink that looks like a mixed drink but isn’t. Stuff like that.)</p>
<p>Now that my sons are at college I’ve asked them, not about whether or not THEY drink, etc, but the habits of their roommates. I figure that we can slide sideways into any discussion of THEIR habits from that intro.</p>
<p>Ultimately she’ll make her own choices. Arm her with as much solid information as you can.</p>
<p>My s is a sophmore, and I think the thrill of being on his own has worn off as has the hard partying. I’m sure he drinks some, but not excessively. I see a maturity I hadn’t seen previously. I think there is a fair amount of drinking and drugs across all campuses, you just have to have an open dialogue with your child and they need to know the expectations you have of them.</p>
<p>It *is true that every college has some binge drinking. It is definitely not true *that every college has the same amount of binge drinking. As your daughter looks at colleges, you can help her find colleges with many social opportunities that don’t involve drinking.</p>
<p>Wonderingfather</p>
<p>If your daughter is a “good & clean” kid as you believe than I think your worries should not be about her behavior but should be about her ignorance.</p>
<p>Binge drinking is widely seen. Other drugs are hidden. Way back in my college days I had a suite mate who constantly put herself into “bad” situations without knowing it. She would be in a dorm suite living room where bonging & snorting would be taking place in one of the suite bedrooms. She was oblivious that this was happening. I went to a school that guilty by association carried a heavy weight.</p>
<p>Expand your honest conversations about how to handle dringing/drug situations to include how to be aware of one’s surroundings and spot that a activity may be taking place.</p>
<p>Obvious ■■■■■ is obvious…</p>