My husband and I already told our son that we cannot afford the tuition/housing in the university, but he still insist that he will commute every day to the university. We told him the disadvantages of going to the university(2 2.5 hrs drive).
tuition is higher than college
car and insurance (he does not have a license yet) insurance is too high for a young driver.
gas and car maintenance
4, long commute: chance of will be late on his first class, stress and risk of accident, time waste due to traffic
I asked him what so special about that university and he said science (he is taking anthropology-forensic science)
He admitted to me that another reason is because he already told everyone that he is going to this university. I told him not to worry about what other people would say.
Our son hate us now (especially me). I do not know if I should give in or stay firm about our decision.
That commute is too long for anyone, let alone a beginning driver.
It’s OK if he doesn’t want to go to the CC that is closer. But in that case, he needs to take a gap year and reapply to places that your family can afford. Tell him that it is OK for him to tell his friends that his parents lied to him about what they could afford, and are now being mean about the whole college thing. Let him know that you are perfectly willing to be the bad guy this time so that he can save face with his friends.
Have you called your insurance company to find out how much it will cost to add him as a driver ? It sounds like you already have a 3rd car, but adding an 18 year old male driver in Calif who has his own car is going to be pricey.
My in-laws were insurance agents before they died. I’m trying to remember the stat that they quoted but it was something like, “insurance companies expect that 50% of new young drivers will get into at least a fender-bender within 12 months of getting their license.” I don’t know if that was the exact stat, but it was something like that.
If this is true, then surely that is figured into their rates for young drivers.
Anyway…STAY STRONG.
What is your H saying now to the idea of son driving to school? If your H insists on allowing this crazy idea, then maybe you can get him to promise that the son will have to stop attending that school if he doesn’t maintain a certain GPA, has a traffic incident (accident, speeding ticket, etc), or starts skipping classes because of the drive.
Thank you guys for your comments.
One way going to the univ. takes anout ~2 2.5 hours incl. traffic, looking for parking space and walking to the classroom. I have not talked to my insurance yet, but i know our ins. will go up once he starts driving.
I feel sick and feel like I’m the bad giy here. Part of me wants to give in and another part of me wants to stay firm. My H has no support at all. Our kids hate us now. I thought they would understand why we disagreed. I feel bad because my son and my daughter cried last night when we had a discussion about this. I really don’t know what my son’s plan now. I just hope he does not get depress and try understand that we just want what’s good for him.
I believe that there is no way your son is going to put up with driving 1-2 hours (each way) to college when he’s not a serious student.
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bad because my son and my daughter cried last night
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Ok, the son crying about this is normal. There are a lot of tears and temper tantrums in the spring when kids are told that certain schools aren’t affordable and that there isn’t a good workaround.
Why is your DD crying? just sympathy for bro?
You need to stay strong. This will blow over. Again, you need to take son to the 3 CC’s and see what they have to offer.
It is silly to “give in” just because son “already told friends” that he’s going to that school. He had friends who said that THEY were going, but are now not going. This happens all the time.
In the meantime, either call your insurance and ask how much it will cost to add your son…sometimes you can even get the estimate by logging into your acct online.
You need to stand firm…and tell this kid that you are not paying for a car for him to commute. And that is that.
He is trying to hold you hostage, but really…he needs be make a more realistic choice. Between gas, insurance, car maintenance, parking fees, he isn’t going to save money by commuting 2-2 1/2 hours each way.
How can you give in if you can’t afford the university. If you can’t afford the tuition/housing, why are we having this discussion? Do you really mean that you really can afford the university but just don’t want to pay for it? I’m not really sure what you are looking for. Sounds like a lot of people need some maturing.
If you can’t afford this university, then when the bills don’t get paid, your son will be kicked out. He needs to know that. He also needs to know that if he gets kicked out for not paying, he won’t be able to get his transcript and transfer anywhere else until he has paid those bills off. He is the one responsible for paying them - not you. The college won’t come after you for the money, it will come after him.
So yes, the kids cried, and I do feel sorry for them. But someone in your family has to be willing to be the grown up and tell people NO when they have to be told NO, and then hold the line.
@classicrockerdad The parents could technically afford it if they took out loans. But, the loans are a lot, dad’s job is in jeopardy (may be forced into early retirement), and the son’s grades have been BAD (D’s!!).
Any sane parent would have a hard time justifying taking on debt for such a situation. The boy needs to prove himself at a CC before the parents take on any financial risks.
2+ hours is ridiculous for a commute. That is 4-5 hours each day that can’t be used for studying. The fact is that he/you can’t afford the U, regardless of his academic ability. As said by others giving in is setting him up for failure. If he is so determined to attend the U he can find a way It may be having a stellar record locally so he can transfer after the first two years. Meanwhile he uses the commute time to find a job to afford things later.
PS- it doesn’t matter what he told people. HS will be ancient history come fall.
Is it two hours each way? If you have a Toyota that gets 20 mpg it looks as though it will cost about $240 in gas per week. Multiply that by four and add the cost of his insurance and it will be close to the cost of a dorm room. It will still be a suck on the family finances. He won’t be able to work a job because he’ll be too “tired.”
A two hour commute is ridiculous. He will be tired at times; susceptible to an accident, and will have no social life on the campus.
You should have your son register here and let us knock some sense in to him. He is being terribly selfish.
Have you checked? Some colleges REQUIRE a dorm room on campus for a freshman who lives outside a reasonable commuting distance. Way back when I was a freshman in VA it was 30 miles. You might want to check the school’s Residential Life web page.
I do not know if I should give in or stay firm about our decision.