<p>TGrey makes a good case for using that money for something else and letting S find his own way in life, though it’s apparently pretty awful to favor one sibling over another.</p>
<p>I’ll throw my story into the mix…</p>
<p>There was nothing my parents could do to make me want to excel in high school, and they tried everything, from offering big incentives to kicking me out of the house. None of it fazed me. I was a consummate underachiever, and I was perfectly content that way. After graduation (which I only attended at the request of my father), I thought I would have happily worked at McDonald’s and lived in a one-bedroom apartment for the rest of my days. I actually did work in fast food for a while, tried a couple of colleges to appease my parents (finished maybe two classes), and eventually decided to join the military when I got sick of fast food.</p>
<p>It was in the military that I learned how it felt to contribute to a greater cause. It was also in the military that I eventually realized I was wasting my talents and risking my life when I had so much more to offer to the world. It took seven years to come to that conclusion, and I feel incredibly privileged to have experienced those seven years. But now I’m moving on. I’ll be pretty old (and poor) when I finally get my Ph.D, but I’m not worried. I’m happy. I got to choose my own path.</p>
<p>The point is this: in my experience, the only thing you could possibly do to make your son try harder is to find out what drives him. Otherwise, he’s just going to have to figure it out for himself. It’s likely that nothing will ever make him want a degree, and it would be a waste of money to force him to go (although maybe a one year trial wouldn’t be a bad idea if he thinks it’s a good idea). The important thing is to accept his decision and be happy for him, even if he chooses McDonald’s. Not everyone needs to be rich to feel successful, and not everyone with a degree ends up rich (or happy).</p>
<p>I’ve never attempted parenting, so feel free to disregard this post if it suits you.</p>
<p>"I can’t count how many video game nerds I know that have science/engineering degrees, and countless scholarships that paid for those degrees. "</p>
<p>Heck, even having a masters in computer engineering will not guarantee you a job at Microsoft.</p>
<p>Nothing will guarantee you a job anywhere.
However my nephew has been working at microsoft since he took a computer studies program at a community college ( with a GED) and my niece has been working there with her BA in classics.</p>
<p>I think there have been some wonderful thought provoking posts here. My takeaway is that high school success or lack thereof does not ALWAYS predict results in college. I agree with a previous poster that kids who do well in high school do not always florish in college - sometimes they are so used to being at the top of the class and the big fish in the little pond that a prestigious university is a rude awakening for them and they flounder. Likewise, a kid who does not do well in hs because they are bored or unmotivated might come alive in the college environment. I think parents do their kids a disservice by categorizing them too early - sometimes this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. </p>
<p>And I do know a computer nerd who went to Carnegie Mellon on significant aid and is now extremely successful in Silicon Valley. High school favors the athletic kids, the popular kids and the pretty people. The nerds, the alternative kids, the more artsy kids are generally the ones on the outside. Haven’t we seen enough John Hughes movies to know this? I would always come down on the side of giving the kid a chance. Give the slacker kid a chance to show what he can do in college - you might be pleasantly surprised.</p>
<p>I recommend a year spent at a job in heavy physical labor. Warehouse or construction. Either that or send him to community college so he has to earn his acceptance into a 4-year school (if he really wants it, he’ll work hard enough to get it).</p>
<p>*"I can’t count how many video game nerds I know that have science/engineering degrees, and countless scholarships that paid for those degrees. "</p>
<p>TheodoreGrey;</p>
<p>Can you try an estimate? *</p>
<p>~125</p>
<p>How I came up with that guess: Professors, co-workers/bosses on my internships, professionals at conferences, young engineers/scientists, etc who I’ve spoken to about video games. I’d say roughly 75% of the younger guys were gamers. However, many of them were ‘retired gamers’ now that they have families, etc.</p>
<p>Take that number with a super grain of salt, though. I really have no idea how many I’ve met, but there is a definite ‘nerd’ trend among the sciences that includes video gaming.</p>
<p>Then again, I do have one friend who joined the military and now he thinks college would be a waste of time and is ‘not for him’. I guess everyone is different.</p>
<p>@ComaPrison
Kind of like ComaPrison said, make him realize how important a good education is. Make him pay rent, his bills, everything. Give him a taste of how life is for those who are less fortunate to not have a good education. Make him get a job at McDonalds or something, and try to get it in his mind that if he doesn’t work hard on his education, he’ll end up flipping burgers for most of his life. He just needs an epiphany of how rough life is and a good education is the only way out of it.</p>
<p>Another thing, some people aren’t interested in success or worldly possessions. Many of you have heard of the story of Chris Mccandless. He went to Emory University and graduated with honors and could have got in many prestigious law schools in the country, and had his education practically all payed for. He left all of that, success, wealth, ect, to live a simple and frugal life in nature. Although he did die because of his foolishness, some people aren’t interested in the things this world has to offer.</p>
<p>ProteinMan, I recommend against putting him into a service job in the food industry. What a lot of people really need to learn about the value of a good education (in a major that will lead to a career) is a year-long experience with heavy physical labor. The kind of labor that leaves you completely exhausted and only wanting a shower and sleep after a long day’s work. The kind of job that is so demanding that you only want to sleep in and lounge around on your weekends and holidays. My top recommendation is still a job in construction. After a year of that, he’ll be begging for a 4-year education.</p>
<p>^^^^ Too bad construction jobs are hard to get now. I would also recommend hard physical work for kds who have no idea what life is like without an education. It would be an eye opening experience for any kid.</p>
<p>^^It’s hard to force someone to get a specific job… Especially one like construction where you already have hundreds of thousands (millions?) of construction workers looking for work. If you haven’t noticed, construction isn’t booming anymore. Why not just tell this kid he has to go to MIT or Harvard, that he’s not allowed to do anything else?</p>
<p>I worked as a nurses aid in high school (the “vocational/ AP track”). Lifting patients in and out of beds and tubs. At 16, my back hurt so bad, as I took buses and trains to get home. Money was good for a 16 or 17 year old, but I was working along side people who would do that their whole lives. I thought “not me”!</p>
<p>My nephew was very similar to the OP, with worse grades and SAT score. Did nothing but lay around or ride his skateboard. After junior year he got a job at a landscaping company and basically moved large piles of bricks in the summer heat of N.C. Senior year we all thought com. college was for him, but he applied and was accepted at a small Christian college in N.C., Montreat, and is a totally changed kid now. Graduating early with great grades, has worked every summer as a river rafting guide, and is into outdoor hiking, camping, kayaking etc. He is the RA in his dorm. Is now on a 6 week tour of the national parks. Can hardly believe this is the same kid I knew 4 years ago. Small college, involved staff, Christian atmoshpere were just what he needed. Don’t overthink at this point, you have lots of time!</p>
<p>Consider seeing whether he can take courses at local CC. They offer a lot of options that will lead to jobs–respiratory therapy, EMTs, chef and others. If he changes his mind, he can have the courses transfer to a 4-year college. It will save a lot of $$$ while he’s figuring it out. Agree that landscaping/nursery companies would involve a lot of hot manual labor. Working in a nursing home, convalescent or rehab hospital would also be good.</p>