Colleges you/child crossed off the list after visiting

Parents Forum
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<p>I wouldn’t want my very physically lazy kid to say, “I don’t want athletes in my face” because I don’t think he should be encouraged in his biases that involve prejudgment of others.</p>

<p>In fact, my very non-athletic, non-drinking son chose Williams even though most people consider drinking and athletics the dominant culture. </p>

<p>He still is completely unathletic and doesn’t drink much. </p>

<p>He can, however, “tolerate” an occasional beer on a hot day with his dad and did play broom ball with his friends.</p>

<p>I was happy about stretching himself.</p>

<p>What if a kid said, “I don’t want African-Americans or Jews and their culture in my face?” and refused any school with a Hillel and/or an African-American Studies Department.</p>

<p>As a Jew, I would not find this a comfortable thing to read about.</p>

<p>Anyway, I am non prejudging fogfog’s son. This adolescent reactions often misrepresent the kids, and they say things that really mean, “I don’t know why I’m uncomfortable here, but I’m going to blame in on XY or Z.” </p>

<p>As I said, I can see saying “I don’t want an openly political campus” like Wesleyan, but that’s not the case with Tufts so it does come across as homophobia, which is something that does separate people and do damage IMO.</p>

<p>Fogfog – I am not saying that you or your son are homophobic. The internet oftehn does not do justice to the subtleties and real intent of people’s feelings, so please forgive any comment I’ve made that is not sensitive to your son.</p>

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<p>Mythmom – I just want to say that you are a wonderful member of this online community. Long may you wave!</p>

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<p>fogfog-I’m sorry your son can’t be open minded enough to live with people who don’t fall into his narrow mindframe. </p>

<p>Seriously? It’s one aspect of campus life. Some schools I’m looking at have Young Republicans-doesn’t mean I’m going to join it. Others have athletics-I don’t have to play</p>

<p>To exclude a college based off a Rainbow House is absurd.</p>

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<p>dbwes: Thank you so much.</p>

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<p>I think this is how it is with most kids in new situations. If every campus had a rainbow house… and many call it GLBT etc with a less “flamboyant” namesake… I can see how that might unnerve a young teen. Doesn’t mean he is homophobic, but there’s just so much to think about that the unfamiliar seems… well, unfamiliar and maybe unnerving. For whatever reason - it’s an opportunity for a conversation.</p>

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<p>I went out of my way (I thought) not to condemn fogfog - I agree with mythmom that Tufts does not strike me as an in your face campus. And I do feel that if Tufts bothers them, they should probably take a hard look at the other schools that stayed on the list will bother them too. I’m also interested that they met an unhappy engineering student, since the one student we know there is in engineering and loves it.</p>

<p>mythmom, l liked both your posts.</p>

<p>coase, I have to admit I thought your post very funny, I can’t help wondering who those obnoxious CC boosters are !</p>

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<p>MathMom: my ears are burning. Someone should probably point out that most Smith parents aren’t as insufferable as I am.</p>

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<p>How is having a rainbow house hearing about it all the time? It’s not like they have a broadcasting system?
There was a Gay Awareness group when I went to school in the 70s…Who doesn’t have one? Houghton College and other Conservative Christian Colleges, I guess?Even the Presbytarians are recognizing Gay unions.
Shouldn’t they be meeting their partners in college too?.. This seems so retro…Maybe fogfog should stay out of Boston altogether-the Gay Marriage thing and all…</p>

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<p>Crossed off SUNY Purchase-- campus too depressing, program not right for me.</p>

<p>Also visited Sarah Lawrence, not crazy about it, probably won’t apply.</p>

<p>Visited and LOVED Vassar, Brown, and Boston University. Their programs appealed to me, and I really enjoyed each campus for various reasons (Vassar and Brown are beautiful).</p>

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<p>
[QUOTE=broetchen]

In the 42 pages of this discussion, kids had all kinds of reasons for rejecting colleges. Some truly bizarre and completely irrational to the casual observer. Why isn’t fog’s kid entitled to his own impressions without the pc police coming after the family?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>This is in keeping with the spirit of this thread. Thank you for the reminder.</p>

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<p>Learning to be tolerant is never easy for people with set values or beliefs, whether they are religious or some other secular issue such as gay lifestyles. But its part of growing up. Being tolerant does not mean you agree with their position all the time, it only means that you accept their right to their opinion or lifestyle, so long as they are tolerant of you and your beliefs and everyone practices mutual respect. </p>

<p>The problem at Tufts, from news reports, (and at many other colleges) was that people were not being respectful of the rights of others and pushing their agendas…including having sex in the room while the roommate was in there. That is offensive on any level. Its rude and discourteous and really rather bohemian. </p>

<p>Some gay students report harassment and worse in dorms, so some colleges have provided a separate house for them to prevent problems. </p>

<p>Just the same, liberals and “activists” can be as offensive and intolerant as conservatives and religious people. Some colleges are “in your face” with their culture. It always benefits people to visit and inquire about schools before going there. </p>

<p>To me the best schools are neither overtly left wing or right wing or their religious heritage (if they have one) is not oppressive. There should be a culture of tolerance, mutual respect, courtesy, kindness and intellectual honesty and rigor without being domineering nor overly PC. People should be able to speak up and share their beliefs and values, without fear of recrimination from faculty or students. </p>

<p>There will always be rule breakers and rude people. There will always be immature undergraduates (and some adults!). We have to ‘endure’ them as best we can, roll our eyes and move on. </p>

<p>I relish a good fight with someone of differing points of view, but who is respectful and tolerant, with whom I can share a beer with after the argument is over. I can’t stand beligerent points of view from either side, which show immaturity and ignorance. I despise arrogance and condescension. Nobody has the exclusive on being right all the time. As human beings we emote as often as we rationalize. </p>

<p>Whether its a question of faith, or morality or pure politics, we must learn to accept one another, embrace our differences and learn to love one another for the gifts we all have (whether we believe in a Creator or not). </p>

<p>Tufts is not a conservative bastion. If someone has conservative views they should go there with open eyes and a tolerant viewpoint. One should feel free to express their views in appropriate circumstances and in an appropriate manner. If your religious views are such that homosexuality is taught as an unacceptable way of life (intolerable to you) then you either have to keep your mouth shut and avoid the people who concern you, or you have to find somewhere else to attend college. </p>

<p>I would not like a gay roommate who was highly active and shared his/her bed with their “companion”. So the solution would be to ask them to please refrain from their overt sexual behavior in our shared room. But I would also ask a heterosexual roommate to be respectful and refrain from overt sexual behavior in the room, certainly while I was there. </p>

<p>Rudeness and immoral behavior, sadly, seems to be the norm in college these days. I applaud Tufts for trying to clean it up and enforce the rules to protect people’s right to peaceful coexistence without being confronted with lewd behavior in their faces. </p>

<p>And fwiw, people change over their lifetimes. A lot. I know very few people who are precisely as they were 30 years ago. Thank God! LOL.</p>

<p>I don’t have the same exact views I had back then. I do have the same principles and basic core values, but I have become more tolerant of opposing views on many issues, even if I still disagree. </p>

<p>I dont challenge the right of people to strict adherence to their religious heritage, values or beliefs. But they must learn to either accept the general conventional wisdom or move along. Nothing worse than a picky eater at a family picnic, my mother used to say! In other words, don’t be a spoil sport by being so hard nosed. If you can’t seem to find any persons with similar views, then perhaps you may have picked the wrong college.</p>

<p>That being said, some extreme left wing views at some notable colleges is also highly offensive to me. They might learn to be more tolerant of others.</p>

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<p>We made a little fall break tour of LACs in Ohio last year with 2 10th graders and 7th grade brother. I had hoped they’d like Denison because they had the stats to get good merit $ but they were disgusted that the students acted like they had checked out for the weekend and it was only 11 am. Also the food choices were poor. Nice campus, though. Too bad. They weren’t inspired by Oberlin, either, unfortunately. I think it seemed too spread out and the tour didn’t take you inside many of the buildings. The stand out was Kenyon. Two of my kids loved it. The 7th grader loved the new athletic building and my older daughter loved the tiny village atmosphere of the campus.</p>

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<p>I think Ghostbuster nailed it in one…</p>

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<p>Skylandsmom - I was reading over some of these and noticed yours and couldn’t help but chuckle because when I visited Amherst I got that same personal tour from a very attractive senior who had identical majors to those I did - very persuasive and informative ha ha… but it wasn’t at the same time as a regular tour, which I would say is really disrespectful. But I feel that even though this was a more visible example, athletes are treated differently in the recruiting season at almost all these schools. On my recruiting trips, I met with professors and admissions people, got private tours, taken to the best restaurants in the city, etc. not to mention having it all paid for by the school and receiving confirmation you’re in before the early deadline even comes up. And I’m not even that high of a recruit - I can only imagine what the truly top kids get. So I guess my point is that while it is a very unfair process, it goes on at the vast majority of these schools.</p>

<p>Anyway, I narrowed down my list to 5 visits I ended up taking - Dartmouth, Amherst, Yale, Georgetown, and Williams. I loved all of them except Georgetown. After I said if I could have a year at each, I’d take that plan. But here are my personal feelings.</p>

<p>Dartmouth - loved the academics the best out of the group, disliked all the greek focus but felt like I could tolerate it. I was more concerned with the social impacts of greek life than drinking - that’s happening at all these schools in heavy quantities anyway. Beautiful and loved the town, but the isolation is a little scary. D-plan was a huge plus in my book. Best food, I liked the dorms best too (even though I apparently stayed in the worst ones) And amazing school spirit and sense of community</p>

<p>Amherst - awesome academics, great professors, small (maybe a little too small), consortium’s a big plus, didn’t feel fake or WASPy like I was led to believe, in fact quite a bit a diversity IMO.</p>

<p>Yale was beautiful with the courtyards, New Haven wasn’t great but wasn’t horrible, it was nice to be able to go out into the city but I also felt when I was downtown all I wanted to do was get back to campus. Academics weren’t terrible (obviously lol) but I was underwhelmed - I sat in on a class with over 400 students and while I know it’s not the norm I also know it couldn’t happen at the LACs.</p>

<p>Williams - scenic, again the academics and professors I was looking for, tutorials were great, but really really isolated. While Dartmouth felt isolated, Williams felt empty. The campus itself is small, and then the countryside just feels like it has nothing else even remotely nearby. </p>

<p>Georgetown- this was the only one that disappointed me, and that went off the list. It was number one going in because I’m interested in poly sci and IR, and I thought D.C. was a huge plus. I guess it was just a gut feeling on campus. It felt much preppier, elitist, and much less diverse than the others. I met a lot of really awesome kids there, but I just didn’t click well overall. I think that part of the preppy/elitism that I felt might just have been a result of me coming straight from 3 schools with much better FA policies, and maybe it’s inherent for private schools without as good of FA to have this feeling? I dunno, just my observations/very personal feelings in the very limited experience I got at these schools</p>

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<p>ghostbuster ~ great post!</p>

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<p>I agree ghostbuster - a cc classic - just great!</p>

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<p>Excellent post, ghostbuster!</p>

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<p>ghostbuster - “Its rude and discourteous and really rather bohemian.” As a bohemian, I am deeply offended by this clearly racist remark. Just imagine if you had used the word “french” instead. See!</p>

<p>(jk)</p>

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<p>Here here !!! Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and own reasons for crossing a college off their list. The PC police and others should lay off fogfog who’s reasons to them were just as important in their view as compared to the myriad of reasons others stated.</p>

<p>Actually, coming from a conservative perspective, fogfog’s reasons had a lot more basis than many of the (I dilsliked the tour guide, admissions secretary, color of the building, etc) reasons others stated</p>

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<p>Just got back from an afternoon college visit and
-the receptionist in admissions was wearing the sweatshirt of another Ohio college
-the admissions counselor yawned at least 8 times while she was speaking with us, only apologizing after the first yawn
-the cafeteria smelled awful
-general campus maintenance was lacking
We ended up leaving right after the tour and declined a meeting with faculty.</p>