Columbia's Social Scene / concerns I have

Colleges and Universities A-Z Columbia University
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<p>So I'm a junior and transferred into Columbia this fall from another U.S. school... I don't want to totally give myself away (there are only 60 of us), but I came from a mid-size school not in the NE.</p>

<p>Basically, academically the change has been good. I love NYC, though at the moment I haven't had time to leave Morningside Heights except on weekends.</p>

<p>My issue, actually, is more of a social one (hence the title of this thread). I'm all about the independence that living in NYC gives you, and am not looking for a Dartmouth or Williams. But the social adjustment has been... slow, despite having joined a club. People on my floor are not only busy, but quite unfriendly. I have made a few pretty good friends, but definitely not what I was expecting considering I've been here 3 months. I consider myself pretty outgoing most of the time... I have interests from swimming to theater.
I guess I'm wondering what I'm doing wrong. I had this vision in August of lots of really intense, passionate, cool people, who would be up for random trips downtown on monday nights once in a while or just chilling and watching a movie on the floor. Obviously my school the last two years wasn't that great for me, but I def got a feeling there that people were thinking about things other than themselves and studying. I see lots of people on campus who, just judging from appearance, look cool and friendly, even if in a NY way, but somehow I haven't met many like them. What's the deal with meeting people around here if you're new but not a frosh? I get that it's harder, but it can't be impossible.</p>

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<p>Diversify. I would try to make friends from different schools as wells. Take just a friend or two and head downtown to the village, it is kicking. Morningside isn't the most social part of NY. I've found that the village is where a lot of the college student/young 20 somethings hang out, especially on the weekends. 3 months is by no means a long time to produce friends, I would give it more time.</p>

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<p>NYC000, it is often difficult for transfers to find their niche because their peers tend to have settled into their routines, have found their friends, know the area, and are very busy at a school like Columbia. Because it is located in NYC, there are so many things to do off campus, that kids are all over the place, and it is difficult to find some of the hang outs since they are everywhere. I went to a school that was similar but had the added complication of mostly off campus housing for upperclassmen which made it even more difficult for transfers since alot of get togethers occurred on a private basis at apartments sprinkled through the area rather than right on campus. It's easier to meet others when you are in a dormitory setting than in an apartment situation. I know a number of transfers were more friendly with underclassmen than their peers for that reason. Alot of upperclass kids just did not go to as many campus sponsored events after freshman year at my school. </p>

<p>I can tell you that it takes some freshmen a full year and into their next year before they feel they belong at a school. As a transfer, particularly a second year one, it may take you that much time. You have barely finished a semester there at this point and are learning things that your peers already well know. When you get more in step with them, it'll get better.</p>

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<p>Perhaps join a frat or sorority? Its a great way to join a community and even though it might not be your thing. All frats/ sororities do not fit the stereotype, particularly at Columbia.</p>

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<p>OK thanks, that's reassuring. Also it's not just me going through this--- from what I've heard from people, many (if not most) of the transfers aren't quite where they'd like to be socially yet.</p>

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<p>It sounds cliche but I would say that extracurricular activities are a good way to meet people. I also try to strike up conversations with people in my classes as we are leaving class, etc.</p>

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<p>nyc000 - it's just columbia and new york, it's sort of impersonal at first, esp if your not a frosh, just keep up what you're doing, and things will fall in place relatively quickly, you're actually at a later stage in the process, once people realize that it takes effort to make friends, it generally happens quite quickly. as a frosh you're in a group of other excited crazy froshes, friends find you. you unfortunately almost certainly will have to find friends. but after the first sem or so it's great, and it consistently feels like you make more friends and settle in better, and belong at the univ. i know a couple of transfers, who are now seniors who are socially doing very well.</p>

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<p>OK, so the usual caveats apply: Most people's lasting relationships are made in the first month of freshman year. That's a sombering reality, but it's not that restrictive, just statistical. You'll meet plenty of people over 4 years (or 2 in your case) but the people who were there for you when you didn't have anyone (i.e. at orientation) are the ones you get emotionally dependent on the fastest. With a new transfer in their midst, you need them more than they need you. Don't hate them for it.</p>

<p>It sounds like you're making some good-faith efforts to make some friends, and that's great. Some thoughts enter my head:</p>

<p>1) I imagine you've made friends with your apartment mates (where do you live, ruggles?). Try asking them their opinions on random things when you bump into them after a day of classes or when procrastinating. If there's one thing that's near-universal about Columbia students, it's that we all love being asked to render a verdict on something.</p>

<p>1b) Here's the key - make one of those "hey, can I get your opinion on something?" questions about where they hang out or what they like to do with their friends. If something sounds cool, it's OK to say something like "hey, grab me next time you're going there, i'd love to check it out", it doesn't make you too nosy. Use them as leverage to expand your social circle. Even if they're total grinds, maybe their friends are cooler than they are. Can't hurt.</p>

<p>2) Having a girlfriend in college helped me meet more people and enjoy more social situations than all of my other efforts combined. I'm serious, one night just go nuts, head to the Abbey on 105th & bway (the only place where they don't card), meet some girl, talk to her for a while, and get her number. Call her, take her to lunch sometime, work your way up. Is the thought of doing something like that scary? HELL YES it's scary, it's scary even for pick-up artists. But if you can fight through your fear long enough to make a new friend, you'll be amazed how much interesting **** happens in your life, pretty darn quick. And it'll beat the hell out of watching kung fu movies on your computer on a saturday night.</p>

<p>3) I met some of my best friends in college on the basis of study groups from my harder classes. It's like soldiers in war, hardship makes you bond. Even if you're rocking your classes, ask around (probably at the start of next semester) and join forces with some students. Maybe they'll invite you to their poker game too.</p>

<p>4) Oh yeah, poker's another good way to meet people. It's how I started out in poker, actually - a friend invited me to a game, I kept going twice a week and dropping $20 every time like clockwork, until I started to get the hang of it, read some books, and finally got good enough to clean house at the illegal poker clubs downtown. Maybe you won't love it that much, but I have met more friends (and actually made some business prospects in the real world) on the basis of poker games than you'd believe.</p>

<p>5) You know those emails you keep getting about events going on, from student council, student affairs, you know, the weekly ones? Look for events and show up! I'm serious, it can be hard to take all of those seriously but you'll just start talking to people sooner or later.</p>

<p>My god, I could go on for hours. Listen, if you try some of this and you're still bumming by January, post back here. I will personally take you to some of the parties that this senior girl I know throws with her suite. Ask Vesalvay, I invited him to their halloween party and it was more fun than when we hit the clubs downtown later. I'm dead serious, i'll hook ya up, and I don't know you from Lee Bollinger. Just try some of the suggestions in this thread.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
I'm serious, one night just go nuts, head to the Abbey on 105th & bway (the only place where they don't card), meet some girl, talk to her for a while, and get her number. Call her, take her to lunch sometime, work your way up.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>You mean: work your way down. Correct? :-P</p>

<p>Does Abbey STILL not card? I love that place; that was the first (and probably second through tenth) time I went to a bar. I don't remember it being much of a pick-up / hook-up scene; it was more of a 'get a table with your buddies' place.</p>

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<p>still is, but if he's a junior transfer he probably hasn't hit the magic number yet. If he's 21 my advice changes to, um, 1020 i guess. god so many good places have closed in the last few years. Amcaf, where art thou?</p>

<p>and bars are poor places to pick up women, compared with parties where people know people, are more open to meeting new people, you have more in common with everyone, and people's guard isn't up (at least at first) about creeps or random weirdos.</p>