<p>I'm an international student at a small school. Very briefly (and poorly summarized): I've been brought up believing that only those who are not emotionally strong drink and that drinking makes you lose control of yourself so that makes you emotionally weak.</p>
<p>As a freshman in college, I have yet to encounter anyone who has views on drinking as strong as mine. The few friends I have (I don't really feel very close to them) drink a little every so often. This came as a shock to me and deep inside, I've been judging them and everyone else who drinks. I find it hard to make many friends, because everyone here seems to drink on Friday and Saturday nights.</p>
<p>Any suggestions on how I can convince myself to stop judging people and accept them? On how I can make more friends (I feel very lonely right now)?</p>
<p>I hate drinking and dislike drinkers too. They’re WEAK, man. Drinking alcohol is either a coping mechanism or an attempt to be social and fit in. </p>
<p>As you can tell I never go to parties unless they’re alcohol-free.</p>
<p>I would maybe try to work on not judging anyone for anything; accepting drinking will become part of that. All judgement does is hurt others and build walls between you and others, if you can get rid of that you will have many more friends - you don’t necessarily have to drink, but if you can accept everyone then they will accept you. Accept everyone - people who drink, people who act differently or look differently than you, anything like that. Everyone has something to offer you, if you refuse to accept that then you will miss out on so much and be very lonely.</p>
<p>One suggestion I would have for you is to try drinking as well - now I’m not saying you should go to a frat party and start doing shots, but why not have, say, one or two beers casually while hanging out with friends? I’m not saying you need to do it all the time or start a habit, I’m just saying that if you try it once (think of it as an anthropological experiment!) you might gain a better perspective on it.</p>
<p>The fact of the matter is that many people do drink, you don’t want to have to write people off because of a silly matter like that. You don’t have to hang around with the hard-drinkers or those who do nothing but drink, but you don’t want to have to reject people because they like to have a beer or two on the weekends - that suggests nothing about their emotional health.</p>
<p>I don’t drink… but I’ve come to the stance that I’m okay to be around those who are drinking as long as they respect that I don’t drink. You don’t necessarily need to accept that drinking is okay (I don’t- I don’t understand it.), but you do need to understand that it’s a different culture and it’s viewed differently.</p>
<p>Personally, I despise the idea of drinking. I try not to judge others, but yeah, I do judge drinkers. I just try to not allow that judgment to get in the way of my friendships. Luckily for me, most of my friends don’t drink. That’s probably going to change in college, just because so many people do drink.</p>
<p>It might help if you find friends who don’t drink.</p>
<p>Oh cultural differences… I really don’t get it.</p>
<p>But then again, I grew up in a city where you essentially celebrate life by drinking and eating.
(So yes, I drink, and have 0 problems with those who do as long as they aren’t being stupid about it).</p>
<p>Just try to remember that while drinking may be against the cultural norms where you come from ( if you don’t mind me asking, what part of the world are you from?), its viewed as normal social behavior here in the US. The majority of people, including extremely successful scientists, doctors, lawyers etc. drink from time to time. I’d just try to remember that these people grew up seeing their parents drink, and its very much a part of American culture.</p>
That’s not entirely true. The largest denomination of Christianity in the southern United States is Baptist. Southern Baptists are against drinking.</p>
<p>I’ve never seen either of my parents drink.</p>
<p>It really depends on where you are. People in college, however, do tend to drink… but I wouldn’t make a blanket statement that it’s universally accepted in all of the US. You can’t even buy alcohol here on Sundays. And if you’re under 21, it is still illegal… which if you’re in college, there’s a good chance that you’re under 21.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your replies. Please keep sharing your views, I find all your views very interesting and would like to hear about as many different perspectives as possible.</p>
<p>I think you’re right, I should tell you a little more about myself. I’m from India. I consider myself to be politically liberal (including some far left views, but not a lot).</p>
<p>I’m an atheist, but I have no judgement issues with religious people. It’s true that someone very religious is probably not going to become a very close friend, but I find that I don’t judge religious people as much as I judge drinkers. That said, only a tiny minority of my friends are religious.</p>
<p>I am under 21, but I do know that almost nobody get caught drinking the amounts my friends do. (It would very easy for me to drink a beer or two casually, as RoxSox suggested)</p>
<p>theduck, your response is particularly interesting. It is true that growing up, I haven’t seen to many people drink. Some of my classmates drank in school, but their drinking was viewed as rebellious by many of my peers. My father drinks very rarely and in reasonably small quantities. However, I judged him also. Although I’m sure there is a huge cultural component to the reasons behind my not drinking, I think my opposition to drinking has more to do with my ideologies than my upbringing.</p>
<p>Please keep your thoughts coming, I feel that there’s a lot I can learn from this thread on CC. Thanks again for your responses so far!</p>
<p>Moderation, moderation, moderation. Timing is everything, don’t drink the night before an exam, wait till you finished finals :). Just because you decide to drink, you don’t have to get wasted, just have enough to help you ‘limber up’ a bit. </p>
<p>If you don’t want to cope by joining the masses, I agree with the others, learning to accept others is your best bet. In western culture in general drinking is very normal.</p>
<p>OP, while it may be uncomfortable at first, try to get to know those who drink better. You’ll start to realize that there is more to them than just the part that drinks on weekends. </p>
<p>As a college frosh, I’ve opened up to the idea of drinking, but I would have absolutely freaked out of the thought just a year and a half ago (partially because of HS sports). But the way I opened up was to start spending time with different people and realize that drinking or smoking is not what makes them who they are (most of the time). </p>
<p>You’re in college so I’m sure you see students drunk out of their minds all the time, but that doesn’t mean they’re emotionally weak or using it as a crutch. While it isn’t a good idea to abuse alcohol, remember that one or two poor decisions don’t always determine the quality of a person.</p>
<p>I’m not going to encourage you to try alcohol if you’re uncomfortable with it (totally understandable as I am familiar with some of the more subtle aspects of Indian culture), but do open yourself up to the people, even if they make decisions you don’t agree with (extreme exceptions omitted). You’ll be glad you did.</p>
<p>Same goes with your barrier for religion. Good luck.</p>
<p>@AUgirl: prohibitions on alcohol purchase actually vary a lot, state-to-state. For example, I grew up in a Midwestern state where the laws were pretty loose. All the grocery and drug stores sell hard liquor, it’s possible to buy alcohol on Sundays, and liquor stores are allowed to be open late. In contrast, Connecticut (where I’ve gone to school for four years) has pretty draconian blue laws – grocery stores can only sell beer, no one can buy alcohol on Sunday, and all liquor stores have to close by 9. So it really depends where in the country you are. </p>
<p>In fact, laws about the consumption of alcohol vary wildly. In my home state, drinking under 21 for non-religious reasons is illegal, period. In Connecticut, anyone can drink alcohol under 21 as long as they’re with their parents, and have their parents’ consent. So at least in some places, the whole 21 years old thing is actually quite easy to avoid.</p>
<p>Also, I judged drinkers when I was in high school, because the only people at my school who drank would black out and throw up every time they did it. In college, I realized that “moderation” was a thing – plenty of my friends would have a beer or two, and stop long before they got blackout or ill.</p>
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