<p>The brutal winds of Alaska are blowing. We all shiver in our race Lycra, material so thin that does almost nothing to block out the cold. I squirm my toes in my boots to keep the blood flowing. My grip on the pole handles becomes tighter. I can feel my grin spreading. I love this moment, the suspense before the race, where all my muscles tense up ready to shoot out at a moments notice. I squint ahead and see our trail leading to the heart of the mountain. Its a beautiful sight; countless trees, hills, and winding trails all covered in pure white. I take it all in with a deep breath. You can do this, I tell myself. Its what Ive been training for. Skiers ready! Our starter yells and raises his gun. I firmly plant my poles and haunch over, ready to bounce forward. My mind goes blank and I glare ahead. The gun shoots, and I bolt out like an arrow. Yet another grin is spreading. Ten kilometers to go.</p>
<p>It doesn't have to be formal, with complete sentences does it??
I want to try to make it flow better, but ive never been that good of a writer. Also I want to have this powerful imagery with the mountain and snow and what not, but its like how else can I describe trails covered in snow except "white." I'll read whoever elses' that reads mine and makes suggestions. A day left till deadline!!!</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Ask a moderator to take this thread down. Never post your essay directly on a thread and instead send it in a PM to people who volunteer to read it. While I won’t plagiarize it, some desperate soul might, and you definitely do not want that to happen.</p></li>
<li><p>Your short answer doesn’t have to have all complete sentences, but only use fragmented sentences for stylistic purposes. Don’t sprinkle them in for the heck of it or use them excessively.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>3.Some suggestions to get you started:
~The “We” at the beginning is really ambiguous.
As a non-skier, I would have difficulty understanding what the significance of race Lycra is the first time through. You might want to establish the fact that you’re at a skiing competition early on and shift the organization of your blurb to describe the adrenaline rush first.
I can feel <em>a</em> grin spreading. Consider expanding it to something like: “I can feel a grin spreading on my face, a physical manifestation of the excitement roaring through my veins.” You might also want to change sentence structures around a little so that you’re not starting multiple consecutive sentences with ‘I’.</p>
<p>
The first sentence is awkward. Try to make a sentence that would further develop your excitement, and then cap it off with something powerful. Perhaps you could end it with something like “Ten kilometers lie ahead of me in the vast wilderness, ethereally silent, breathtaking, and exciting.” Note that what I just wrote was thrown together in less than 30 seconds, so I would not recommend putting that sentence directly in at all. Try messing around with it and see what you like best. Good luck!</p>
<p>Very interesting approach to the EC essay!! Liked it!! :)</p>
<p>Even though simple logic should make one abstain from copying another’s essay, as “chewydog” (love the name!! ) says - ask a moderator to delete this post ASAP!! You’ve already received good advice ^^ !!</p>
<p>P.S. I apologize for bumping this up ( more chance for plagiarizing ---- but a brilliant idea!! )</p>
<p>I just made minor changes for grammar:
The brutal winds of Alaska blow. I shiver in my race Lycra - material (change to clothing?) so thin that does almost nothing to block out the cold. My toes squirm in my boots, keeping the blood flowing. My grip on the pole handles tightens. I can feel my grin spreading. I love this moment - the suspense before the race, where all my muscles tense up, ready to shoot out at a moment’s notice. I squint ahead and see the trail leading to the heart of the mountain. It’s a beautiful sight: countless trees, hills, and winding trails all covered in pure white. I take it all in with a deep breath. You can do this, I tell myself. It’s what I’ve been training for. “Skiers ready!” Our starter yells and raises his gun. I firmly plant my poles and haunch over, ready to bounce forward. My mind goes blank and I glare ahead. The gun shoots, and I bolt out like an arrow. Yet another grin is spreading. Ten kilometers to go.</p>
<p>This tells me you enjoy skiing. That’s nice, but what does it tell me about you the person? What is it about the skiing that should draw me in to wanting to know more about you and your unique view of the world?</p>