My daughter had just started school this week, and already I see her stressing out. I am concerned and decided to email the counselor saying I want her to drop down to Honors Physics from AP. At her school, there is an AP Contract where you sign it saying you agree with the terms that a student may not drop out.
However, I feel that contract is not valid, and I did not know that my daughter was serious in taking 4 Aps. I also placed some big responsibilities such as babysitting my other 2 younger daughters and making sure they understand their homework as well because she’s the older sister and needs to look out for them.
However, I feel that it is best for my daughter to drop AP Physics being it the first week, before she has anxiety attacks. She tends to overexert herself and stress out too much. Already, she has signs of premature aging from stress and as a parent, I feel worried for her mental and physical health. I have emailed her counselor today, and asked if she could switch to a lower level before next week. I feel they should let her because it is still the first week of school and although there was a contract, they should take parents’ feelings into what they think is best for our children.
I am trying to help my daughter before things go out of hand since this is her junior year. I think 3 APs will be fine but better than having 4 APs and in them 2 AP sciences. I want her to feel challenged but not to the point where she is neglecting her tasks at home. I understand why these kids are busy with all these APs but I have been having some issues at home and in my heart feel that my daughter should help me out but be able to maintain her academics.
How do you think I can contact the school besides the counselor to get them to change her schedule. I only want what’s best for her. It breaks my heart that she gets home and doesn’t want to talk to anyone. She walks drowsily and I am very concerned and I just want her to be healthy and live a good life with family and friends.
I would contact the school right away. Many schools allow students to change during the first two weeks.
As a parent I have to say that I find it concerning that you are making your child responsible for her siblings. IMO this is an adult responsibility. It is your job to make sure your younger children are taken care of, not hers. It is ok to expect her to pitch in a little bit but your younger children are not your daughter’s children.
@Proudpatriot Yes, I am trying to schedule an appointment with her counselor and the other administrators if the allow it. Yes I know it’s my responsibility but I never get home on time to oversee my younger daughters. I have tried to change my work schedule but it just won’t do. I am trying to find a better job where I can manage my schedule while also caring for my daughters. I hope I will be able to find one before we go into the school year because I know my kids need me.
Does she want to take AP Physics? Is she planning to major in science or engineering in college? Did she make As in Algebra and Calculus? I think it should be your daughter’s decision which courses she takes, not yours. There is no guarantee that the honors physics course won’t take up the same amount of time as the AP Physics course.
It sounds like you are doing the best you can in a difficult situation, but please consider what more you can do to make that babysitting role easier on your daughter. Does she really have to supervise the siblings’ homework, or is that something you can do when you get home? Is she having to make dinner for them also, and if so, are the meals pre-made and simple? Is she having to clean the kitchen and the house, instead of you doing that after work? When you say she is “neglecting her tasks at home,” it seems like you are the one stressing her out to always do more and more to make your life easier. Can’t you reverse that and try to make her life easier by lessening the load on her at home, and removing some of those tasks?
What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think that changing her course from AP Physics to Honors Physics is going to solve the problem at all, and if you are changing her schedule against her will, then it may just add to her stress and resentment and anxiety. Being in an AP course isn’t just about the course and the potential for college credit (so she won’t have to take the course in college when it will be even harder). It is also about being in a particular peer-group at school in the class and possibly having a particular teacher, and those factors might be important to her and why she signed up for the class to begin with.
It seems like you want her to have honors physics so she can theoretically have more time to spend helping you out with your responsibilities, rather than so she has more time for her own school work, relaxation and personal life.
At my DD’s school dropping from AP to Honors really isn’t going to lighten the stress load all that much! Mommyrocks ^^^ is right AP classes also come with a certain peer group so I’d take that into consideration before dropping. But, circumstances change, so I don’t see why the school would not allow a drop during the usual “official” drop timeframe most schools have in place. I would bet the contract was meant to keep kids in AP class when they find they are coming up short on their grade around mid terms!
It is ridiculous to expect a kid who may have elected the AP back in March/April during schedule selection to be forced to take a class 6 months later when the new school year starts. Some stem kid may have decided that they really would rather focus on humanities, I don’t see a problem with asking to drop. School are not meant to be torture chambers!
With that said, stress is a part of life, you can’t shield them from it forever. If she is a senior, now is a good time to take the training wheels off. If she is a sophomore, I’d absolutely pull her. Junior year is a bit more if a gray zone. It is notoriously difficult and there are many kids out there struggling with the same course load. I know my two kids did! But you know your kid best! If she is suffering from anxiety and depression y’all need to talk about it with a professional.
@mommyrocks No, she also is feeling stressed and not because of the tasks that she has to do but AP Physics. She said she did not want to major in physics or math. She came to me yesterday late at night saying she is overwhelmed. I will lessen down her responsibilities at home to make her studies easier however if she drops down to honors or etc. I feel she will be able to breathe more. We also have to go to temple every weekend as we are Buddhist but if she continues on with her stress, it will not look good at the end. And I’m just concerned for her health. Like already she has been losing her appetite yet it has been two days of school so far. I feel concerned for her mental and physical being. Too much stress for her will have some effects which scares me as a parent,
@hoalai , you are doing the right thing! Your daughter’s health is much more important than AP Physics! And I think it is very important to balance family life, chores, and responsibilities with academic work. So many parents forget this, and put intellectual life before everything else, but in the long run, your daughter will be much happier and healthier if she has balance.
which AP Physics class is it since there is more than one. At our high school they eliminiated honors physics when AP physics 1 started because there are no prerequisites for AP physics 1 so the only choice is cp physica or AP Physics 1. However many kids do not take physics. Honors forensic science is a very popular option instead. Kids have gotten into all sorts of colleges including top level without physics as long as they aren’t going into a math/science field.
If the school resists taking her out of the AP class right now, is there a point in the semester at which they are more willing to do so? Are they perhaps thinking that after students have time adjust to the increased workload of the AP class they will be less interested in getting out of the class? If she’s seriously this stressed now over her workload, it might be time to see a mental health professional to get a sense of what’s going on and help her with coping skills. She’s got a good chance of running into the same stressors in college so dealing with it now could have signifiant benefits later. Good luck!
At our HS it was generally true that the better teachers taught the AP courses, so those that took the lower course level may have just as much work or a more challenging time because the AP teacher was better than the “regular” teacher. I would make sure you aren’t putting her into a situation that isn’t more helpful first. Having said this, can you just switch out of physics into something else entirely that perhaps she actually likes? Any other attractive science options?
If you feel strongly about it meet with the guidance counselor and ask what it would take (perhaps a doctors note. meeting with the school psychologist etc.) for them to allow her to drop down a level in physics. If the counselor won’t talk to you I’d go to the principal. Nobody should want a student to have a schedule that causes anxiety attacks the first week or so of school.
And BTW did you sign the contract agreeing to 4APs or just your D. Because IMO a contract like that is something you should have been made aware of.
Your school’s guidance counselor has to write a college recommendation letter for your daughter. So in meeting with the counselor to allow her to drop down a level for physics, I’d make it all seem about me (the mom). That you need much more help around the house than expected because of work issues you have, and your daughter has less time. If you didn’t sign that contract, so much the better. But even if you did, that was in the Spring and life has changed and you don’t agree to her taking that class now. (But before you do this, you should verify that the honors class really will be less work).
Yes, if she’s this stressed out, you should argue for the change to be allowed on the grounds of her mental health. I agree about getting a professional involved.
I don’t like the idea of lying to the GC about the reason. If the truth ever comes out, neither of you will have any credence with the GC going forward and “liar” will look a lot worse than “couldn’t handle 4 AP’s” when it comes time for the GC’s letters. And any decent GC is going to want to talk to your daughter about this, too. So either she’ll have to lie or expose you as a liar.
I don’t know what you mean by the contract not being valid. Enforceable in court? Probably not. Fair warning about the school’s rules? Yes. Apparently some schools allow changes at the beginning of the year, which is a nice thing. But some schools don’t. My son’s doesn’t and I think their reasons are, well, reasonable. I would expect them to make an exception in extraordinary circumstances, which I think you can probably argue. But those rules are there for a reason.
I’m also confused by you saying you didn’t think she was serious about taking 4 AP’s. Didn’t you have to sign off on her schedule?
@calmom@millie210@compmom@happy1@Massmomm Her friend tried to talk to her counselor as well but they told her she can’t drop it. I just got an email today that said they are not allowed to drop her down because of the AP contract and the administration has been asked but they denied it. So I do not know how to help my daughter anymore minus cutting down her responsibilities. She already had a quiz and she failed it which is making her really upset. It tears me apart that she is stressing out. She did want to drop out immediately after struggling on the first day. Now since she can’t back down, she said she will just deal with it and metaphorically die.
My daughter also has a friend who took 2 APs sciences as well: AP Physics 1, AP Chem, APUSh, AP Psych, and AP Calc BC. Her friend took these junior year and it was her first year with Aps. However my daughter has taken an AP class before: 1 in freshman and 1 in sophomore
That contact is likely an internal school document that can be overridden. If you did not sign the contract or were not made aware of her schedule you can say you would not have approved of the schedule and should have been notified prior to any contact being signed.
With your daughter i would also: 1) contact the guidance counselor yourself to discuss the situation including you daughter’s increased responsibility at home 2) if necessary try to get a doctor’s note describing the need to drop the class due to anxiety 3) take it to the principal if necessary.
Honestly I can’t see why the HS would want to crush a student with work and create anxiety.
OP- your D needs to march in to the principal/headmaster (whatever they call the head of school), make an appointment, and explain why due to her stress level and other commitments she is dropping down, contract be damned.
This is a learning opportunity for her. Don’t let other people mess with your mental health. You know what you need to do- cut her some slack at home. She knows what she needs to do- lighten her study/stress load at school. Now the school needs to do what they need to do.
Your D should not discuss this with her friend, or anyone else. Take it to the head of the school who can look a kid in the eye who says “I am struggling with my schedule and need to drop this class” and say “no way, you signed a contract”. I cannot believe the principal will not make this go away with a student sitting in front of him/her.