<p>Mawali, the Ivies are generally not that good in Engineering. Cornell and Princeton are the notable exceptions. Some schools that are just as good academically but better in Engineering include MIT, Stanford, UC-Berkeley, CalTech, Michigan and Northwestern. </p>
<p>And I agree with the general opinion. Essays are supposed to be simple, elegant, articulate and to the point. Your essay is too wordy. That seldom wins over adcoms.</p>
<p>mawali:</p>
<p>i hate to say it, but i don't think you have the greatest chances. being an international student already hurts--the ivies tend to take less international applicants. it's quite apparant that you're one of the best in your school, due to your rank and the numberous in-school awards that you have won. however, on standardized tests (which are used for the purpose of judging students in different schools), your statistics aren't as strong. its quite common for colleges to see students who are strong in math/science, but weaker in writing, which is also where you fall. if possible, i'd definitely try to improve your SAT score, as well as your writing SATII. at columbia university, one of the mid-range ivies (still an excellent school by any means), the middle 50% of students scored 660-760 on both their math and writing sections (source: collegeboard.com). true, you did very well on your OLEVELS, but to be honest i'm not sure how much they factor in. the princeton application, and other applications i've seen do not ask for an official report of test scores other than the SAT's. your EC's are good--nothing absolutely spectacular, but they won't hurt you. </p>
<p>"Different: The desire to accept challenges and to succeed at the apex level"</p>
<p>believe me when i say that 95%+ of those applying to the ivies feel the same way.</p>
<p>how much financial aid do you think you'll be wanting? technically alot of the colleges are "need-blind" but according to some of the books i've read, international applicants asking for financial aid often need a lot of it (although this may not pertain to you), and this often hurts chances of admission.</p>
<p>and last, your essays. basically what everyone else here has said sums it up. i wouldn't necessarily pick up a book on how to write a good essay; i'd pick up a book with examples. anybody can take big fancy words, look them up in the dictionary, and put them into an essay. only a select few, however, are talented enough to truly move people with their writing. colleges use the essay to learn about the personal side of the applicant. your essays say that you like to use big words, and that chances are you don't usually write this way given your standardized writing scores. half of you first essay just reiterates your extracurriculars, which you already displayed in the rest of your application. in three sentences, your first essay says: I want to learn and work hard. I do lots of cool extracurriculars. Please let me into your school." how does this distinguish you from the rest of the applicant pool. the best essays are the ones that give the reader a "slice of life." as someone suggested earlier, try taking an incident in your life, not necessarily too important, and make it reveal who you are. it doesn't have to have flashy wording, but it has to show the reader who you are.</p>
<p>By the way what do you doo (FishS, Slipper1234, ScubaSteve87, Sohrab)? </p>
<p>What is an academic Index? I have calculated it... it is around 223.5 out of 240.... Approx 8(224) out of 9. </p>
<p>So do I have a gud chance with these grades...... and with above mentioned honour awards and these also include the following.....</p>
<p>My Characterised sporting activities with level and position, quiz competions and debates are other than these, which strech from 8th to 12th. I am also selected for the Global Young Leaders Conference.</p>
<p>PERSONAL QUALITIES & EXPERIENCES</p>
<p>· Languages proficiency:</p>
<p>o English (fluent)
o Urdu (fluent)
o Arabic (can read and write but comprehension and speaking is limited)
o Persian (can read and write but comprehension and speaking is limited)
o Hindi (can not write or read but can comprehend and speak)
o Punjabi (almost comprehensive authority)
o Siraiki (can not write but can speak, comprehend and read)</p>
<p>· I am pursuing advanced courses of Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry, English and a Second Language Urdu for cerebral enhancement. --- 2003-2005</p>
<p>· Cultural diversity and travel experience: Asia, North America and Europe.</p>
<p>· Computer Skills: </p>
<p>o Programming Languages: GW-Basic, Q-Basic and Visual Basic
o Packages: Microsoft Office, Microsoft Photoshop and Corel draw.</p>
<p>· Managerial & Organizing Skills:</p>
<p>I enjoy organizing events and I have organized several successful events:
o 3 consecutive Mini Olympics, involving 7 games at AGTL
Colony,
Dera Ghazi Khan --- 1999-2001
o Cultural functions and parties in School e.g. Farewell --- 2000-2003
o Organized several successful cricket and soccer tournaments in Divisional Public School & College, Dera Ghazi Khan. --- 1997-1999</p>
<p>· I have also studied the functional operation of a telephone exchange and have conducted several visits of Al-Ghazi Tractors Ltd telephone exchange --- 1998-2000</p>
<p>· Attended several seminars and exhibitions regarding;</p>
<p>o Communication Skills Development.
o Career Counseling.
o Mature & Organized Writing.
o Time Management.
o Information Technology and Career Fields.
o Education in UK, USA and Australia.
o Intelligence: Emotional Quotient.</p>
<p>· Courses completed:</p>
<p>o Completed Librarian course at Senior Section Library --- F - M 2004
o I have completed community service in a HPG Hospital --- J - A 2004
o Spoken English --- J - A 1997
o Microsoft Office and Computer Hardware --- J - A 1999</p>
<p>· Visited several factories, institutions and production plants for conceptual development:</p>
<p>o Al-Ghazi Tractors Ltd (Lived in the AGTL colony).
o ALSONS Autoparts and compiled a project for ALSONS inventory department.
o UNION Companies (Educational / Field trip).
o PEPSI COLA (Educational / Field trip).
o SIGMA Autoparts (Educational / Field trip).
o D. G. Cement (Educational / Field trip).
o Hamdard Library, which is one of the largest libraries of Asia (Educational trip) </p>
<p>· I have compiled numerous projects and delivered several presentations:</p>
<p>o Computer: Networking and its types, Logical and Physical networking and grouping.
Projects: Management of inventory in an auto parts industry.<br>
o Physics: Solar Energy, Wave Communication, Thermal Conduction and Electricity.
Projects: Solar and Hydro Energy production, Application of Thermal Conduction in PVC Rocket, Mechanical Crane and Miniature Robot in Electronics.
o Chemistry: Presentation and Project: Purification of Iron and electrolysis.</p>
<p>LEADERSHIP SKILLS & ACHIEVEMENTS:</p>
<p>· Captain of Schools Table Tennis team --- 2000</p>
<p>· Captain Red house & Schools Cricket team --- 2002</p>
<p>· Prefect for 4 consecutive years in Class IV(1995), V(1996), VI(1997) and VII(1998)</p>
<p>· Monitor of the Class, in IX(00), X(01-02), XI(02-03) & XII.</p>
<p>· Vice captain of the Green House of the school --- 2003-2004</p>
<p>· I was and am selected as the captain of the School team for various Quiz and academically interactive competitions. These include Iqra Quiz Competition, ISEO Quiz Competition and 3 ICT Science exhibitions and presentations etc. </p>
<p>· Prefect of A-Level section --- 2004-2005</p>
<p>· Nominated as the Head Boy of, The City School --- 2004-2005</p>
<p>· Nominated as the Head of Sports Society --- 2004-2005</p>
<p>· Selected as the Head of the Science Society --- 2004-2005</p>
<p>· Selected for the Global Young Leaders Conference --- 2004-2005</p>
<p>what do i do? I just sit at my computer and read this message board all day, thats it....</p>
<p>I am an Iranian born student living in Virginia (US). I am involved in a few EC's, not as many as you though. (you speak Farsi, that is sweet)</p>
<p>I have a 3.65 GPA, 690V 650M w/ 590 writing 660 math IC and 740 US History. I am probably going to either American University or William and Mary.</p>
<p>You are obviously a very talented student when it comes to academics, I am just saying that to get a lot of the Ivy league schools you need more than just grades you need to be unique and interesting. Reading your essays I just come off the feeling that your life revolves around your GPA and test scores and that there isn't much to it. I am not saying you are, I am saying that is what your essays tell me when I can actually understand some of the sections.</p>
<p>The Essays are not going to make or break you so it isn't that big of a deal, it is just an area you can improve in. </p>
<p>(You speak so many languages may you can write an essay about how you want to be a mediator between different cultures, and because you can understand so many different people linguistically you can also understand thier culture and how they feel.)</p>
<p>You speak seven languages and didn't mention that earlier? That is certainly something. </p>
<p>Are you applying to these schools next year? If so, I reccomend you go back and try writing a couple new essays. Use more natural language as you did when you were talking to us. Try a few different topics, ones that don't include all of your accomplishments. That is what your resume is for. Maybe try one solely on your passion for electrical engineering, cricket, or languages.</p>
<p>I also second Alexandre's reccomendation to apply to a few different schools with better engineering. The ones on your list are not all the best. </p>
<p>What do I do? I'm applying to college, some of the same ones as you.</p>
<p>I think an essay that sounds less mechanical and more passionate takes the cake in the admissions office. Even with seven languages and fine SAT scores, ... I don't know, the essays are a bit mechanized. And when Harvard + Yale + MIT have 15,000+ (I know Yale + Harvard have more) applicants.. that's a whole lot of applicants to pick from, some of equal or greater calibre. Oftentimes, the essay helps.. or hurts.</p>
<p>I am currently a graduate student at Columbia Business School. I went to Dartmouth College where I majored in History and graduated Cum Laude with Honors. I also attended Columbia University for a year as an undergrad, but I transferred. I am an interviewer for Dartmouth.</p>
<p>Malawi, you come from a culture where academics are paramount, but admission committees want more than numbers for their essays. They want creativity or passion, none of which come through in your essays. You sound like a kid who cares about nothing else except being successful.</p>
<p>i don't think your essay is wonderful but everything else seems fine</p>
<p>Thank u alllll for your creative and helpful responces.... I will try to act upon yor dvice but my major prob was that my counselor really appreciated my essays and that is what provoked me to write such essays. Altough I have written essays regarding 'Solar energy in Pakistan, how can it be implemented, what are the benefits and which areas are suitable'. Secondly, I have also written an essay describing an event which was the turning point behind my choice of EE as a career; its a description of a movie, how it ignited me to learn more about EE, then it was followed by several programmes on Disovery channel, thus my curiosity was intensified' </p>
<p>Thirdly, I have written an essay on the Nuclear Equilibrium (Indo-Pak Conflict) i.e.Kashmir Issue, the causes of this problem since 1947, history of hostile tactics employed by both nation and finally how can it be resolved and what will be the benefits..</p>
<p>I have also written an essay about how can I be good to the university i.e. by improving cultural ties, by fusing east with the west and by creating an atmosphere of fraternetic competition. I hope these essays will be better with lesser no. of bombastic words and more of a reasonable material.</p>
<p>I ahve already been admitted to some basic engineering Universities i.e. Purdue but was hoping to give IVYs a try. I know I have tried my best and can improve but I also know one thing, "We can try our best but result lies with God"...(A garderner can only water the plants regularly but flowers are solely dependent on God's will)......</p>
<p>Slipper1234 If I had applied to your university or to any other IVY, can you rate my chance out of 10...... I'll be thankfull.....</p>
<p>Hey no one talked about my ECs, which I have recently posted.... Are they good enough...i.e. Leadership, Administration, Educational seminars and research projects.</p>
<p>Thanx alot any wayss..........</p>
<p>Everything seems to be really great aside from your essays. That 2nd topic is perfect! Why you want to be an engineer, and tying it to a real event, without the overcomplicated BS vocabulary, would make an excellent essay. If you have time, that certainly seems like a great idea to write.</p>
<p>"my counselor really appreciated my essays and that is what provoked me to write such essays"</p>
<p>You need a new counselor. </p>
<p>You have to be really careful with your essays because your word choices are off base. Even in that one sentence the word provoked is wrong (if you are provoked you want to get in a fight, not write an essay). And words like fraternetic and bombastic just aren't used much in either written or spoken English so they break up the flow of a sentence. I think your first and third essays have the potential to be incredibly boring with your writing "style" so I'd go with the second choice like trackstr777 suggested. But even with that, make sure you get plenty of opinions in addition to your counselor. Sorry not trying to be mean, you have incredible accomplishments, just the essays you wrote jump out as needing help, seek it beyond your counselor.</p>
<p>I'm from Pakistan too - half of the things on your list are, I am sorry to say, bogus. Why? Because, since I am a student here, I KNOW how the education system here works - what being a 'monitor' means; what 'organizing' events means; what 'computer skills' means (corel draw!?); what language proficiency in 5 similar languages means; field trips!?</p>
<p>My point is, the people on the admissions' comittee are familiar with these things - there are hundereds of applicants from Pakistan each year to the US. In this case, you just might not get the benefit of the doubt.</p>
<p>Any one else ........ to offer any advice except the essays.....</p>
<p>Any one else ........ to offer any advice except the essays..... hahaha.. </p>
<p>Will the essays make or break my application?</p>
<p>They might break it...</p>
<p>I think you view life and yourself as trying to make "the perfect person" for the adcoms, and that is exactly what they don't want. They don't care about "how you will raise fraternetic competition". What about real issues, like living in a country torn between two sides?</p>
<p>I think bottom line....it sucks to be an international app. They are 10 times harder to get into than apps from the states, and you guys also seem to care 10 times more....</p>