Constant Fear That I Won't Make It (Please give advice.)

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

I’m currently a sophomore. And to be completely honest, I’d say I’m doing pretty well in my first year of real high school (9th grade was at our “Junior High School”.) I am ranked top 5 in my class of about 600, I have a solid 4.0 UW, and I’m taking 3 APs this year (and I’m finding them to be not to hard). I’m the president of my high school FBLA chapter. I’m sophomore class vice president. I’m pretty involved in other clubs at my school too. I’m helping my friend begin a water quality monitoring club. And currently I’m spearheading the creation of an iGEM team at my school. As for standardized testing, I’ve been actively prepping. I take SAT prep classes for 4 hours a week. And any spare time I have, I get out my workbooks and work on solving more problems. I got a pretty satisfactory score on my PSAT this year too. I would’ve most likely been a semifinalist if I had been a junior instead of a sophomore.

I know I am doing a lot. I would call my self pretty ambitious. And some people may think I’m putting too much on my plate, but I’m kinda the type that just feels more stress when I sit around and waste time. So I always try to aim high and push myself.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m doing pretty well. Like hey, Sarah, give yourself a pat on the back!! You’re doing great! But other times, (most times), I’m honestly terrified that I still will never make it into my dream college. When I read the stats of the people who got accepted, they’re goddarn amazing. Like what the heck. Are you even human?! Then, I read the stats of the people who got rejected. AND THEY ARE JUST AS GODDARN AMAZING. I mean some of these people, they do research to cure cancer or something! In other words, I realized that what I thought to be fairly good accomplishments may be nothing compared the accomplishments of others. In fact, it turn out students like me are just a dime a dozen when applying to dream colleges. I have nothing to set me apart.

And I realize how toxic comparing myself to other can be… But unfortunately, isn’t this whole college admissions thing just one big comparison, where they compare you against thousands of other applicants to see if they are better than you or not? If even THOSE people with got rejected, how am I going to have a shot…?

Heck, I’m only fifteen. And maybe it’s too soon to start worrying about these things. But just the thought that I might be outright rejected by everywhere terrifies me. What if it turns out I’m not good enough? What if I am putting in all this hard work, only to discover that I’m not enough for my dream college 2 years later?

That is the end of my midnight blabbering and rant… Thanks for dealing with me, ugh… I just needed somewhere to vent, because the thought has been tormenting me in the back of head lately. :frowning: Any advice would really mean a lot to me.

2

If you look, you’ll see a number of similar “self-doubt” threads on CC. The responses should be reassuring for someone in your position. Don’t get fixated on the idea of a “dream college,” and instead look to apply at a range of carefully chosen schools–reach, match, safety. Don’t base your self-esteem on whether you get accepted to a particular college or not. Have some fun and learn while in high school, don’t do it all for college admission.

3

Don’t have a “dream college”. Kill that idea TODAY. Have a list of colleges ((8-10 is a good number) with a range of selectivity that you would be happy to attend. Select them based on academics in your area of interest, affordability for your family, campus vibe, and whatever else matters to you (size. location, EC availability, etc).

You are just creating unnecessary anxiety and stress for yourself now. Stop SAT prepping as a sophomore. Live life for fun some of the time.

4

You’ll get in somewhere that suits you if you choose your list wisely. You may get rejected at a school or two, especially if you apply to mostly reaches. Let go of the concept of “dream school”. Do your best, that’s all you can do.

5

As I have always said, there is community college.

6

There isn’t any such thing as the universally perfect application that wil get you IH everywhere. Do as well as you can while still pacing yourself and be a real person.

I had a classmate that did absolutely nothing with classmates beyond saying he had to go home to study. I remember him as academically capable and a terrible bore. I don’t know anything about him after the middle of high school despite being in the same class at times. No once die. I assume he went to college, majored in something and graduated with very good grades. My message… Don’t squander yourself attempting to be perfect academically. You would be close to no where without good enough social skills for other students to know you and care about you.

7

Hey there!! I’m currently a sophomore and I feel exactly what you feel! I don’t have the same stats of you, but I’m probably one of the most accomplished people in my grade in terms of non-academic and non-athletic things, and I’m taking the most rigorous courseload at my school.

I know what it’s like to see other people on CC who do research and accomplish things on the national level and balance academics and sports and music and clubs and community service and manage to excel in everything to do.

I used to obsess over things to do in order to get into a good university, like landing internships at universities and accomplishing as much as possible INSTEAD of obsessing over things that I loved to do or things that I am passionate about.

I realized that going to a prestigious or highly-ranked university isn’t everything. Yes, Ivy Leagues open up doors that other schools can’t open and just having a degree from an Ivy League can land you a job, but it’s NOT everything. Going to a school that is less-well-known, less-acclaimed, and less prestigious is not going to hurt you in the long-run.

Now, I only do things that I love and am passionate about. I quit an extracurricular at my school that supposedly helped others because I realized that it did not truly help others and that everyone else there was there for the same reason as me: they all wanted to participate in an extracurricular just to put in college apps. I could have easily gotten on Student Council because I am well-liked and known for being kind, but I decided against it. Why? Everyone on Student Council got nothing done. They were all there so they could put a leadership role on their college apps. Who knows? Maybe I could’ve gotten into a better university with those extracurriculars. Would I regret the decision I made? No, because I chose to not do something that I saw as pointless.

My vision for the rest of my high school years is clear now. I know exactly what I want to accomplish - what clubs I want to start, what clubs I want to lead, what programs I’ll initiate, what things I want to learn, and what competitions I want to compete in. It doesn’t matter what it is - as long as I love it, I’m doing it, even if it doesn’t relate to my intended college major whatsoever.

In two years, I know there’s going to be thousands of other applicants with better stats, better extracurriculars, better accomplishments, and better essays than me, but that’s completely fine. They’ll get into better universities - good for them! Frankly, I don’t really care about what college I’m going to at such an early age. If I don’t get into my dream college, it’s okay. College isn’t everything. An acquaintance of mine went to an extremely low-ranked university in the middle of nowhere that no one has ever heard of. Guess what? She is in one of the highest positions at a huge company. Another acquaintance of mine went to Cornell. Guess what? She’s working as a job recruiter.

The only thing I care about is learning as much as I can and channeling my passion for things like STEM, education, feminism, politics, and activism into activities where I can learn and grow and help others learn and grow as well.

I hope you can adopt this mindset. Good luck.