Convincing Parents

Colleges and Universities A-Z Yale University
1

<p>I know this may seem odd to many other people, but I am having trouble convincing my parents of the fact that I want to go to Yale. The decision will come down to Yale v. Notre Dame and my family has had a love affair for ND for a very long time. For this reason, they would rather me go to school next year at ND instead of Yale. The reasons they cite for this decision is proximity to home (we live in Southern IL) and sports. While I am a rather large sports fanatic, moving far away from home does not bother me one bit. According to them, I will also have much more fun at ND because Yale is so uptight (I disagree). The final blow is the fact that they say, "If we are paying for it, we are picking where you go." I need some serious help convincing them that it would be worth the time to go to Yale instead of ND, and I need some help dispelling their negative ideas of Yale.</p>

<p>As a side note, Yale would be significantly cheaper (possibly $20,000 to $30,000 cheaper over 4 years) than ND, because Yale's Financial Aid is significantly better than ND's.</p>

<p>Thanks to all those that help.</p>

2

<p>I think the financial aid point should suffice, don’t you? Why would they want to pay more for you to go to a school that you don’t want to to? When my parents saw my financial aid estimate they knew I had to go there. Also, have you visited Yale with them? My dad was totally against my going to Yale, but when he set foot on campus he fell in love with it.</p>

3

<p>Have you been accepted to both yet? Come April, if you are, I’d suggest (if at all possible) attending Bulldog Days, with your parents. That should sufficiently dispel any and all prejudices they have against the school. Other than that, if you can’t attend, I’d just outline the major reasons why you’d consider Yale a better fit for you, and emphasize the financial aid factor as well hahah. Good luck!</p>

4

<p>^ What he said; have you even gotten into them yet? If not, I wouldn’t count on getting in. Both are great schools with low enough acceptance rates that neither one is much of a guarantee.</p>

5

<p>May I hazard this guess? Are your folks scared that Yale is a hotbed of liberalism that varies from what they hope for you?</p>

6

<p>I feel like, on some level, their point that “it’s our money, so we get the final say” is evasive. Yes, it’s their money, but it’s your education. College is the point when you finally have to, but get to, take responsibility for your learning: what you learn, where you learn, and when you learn it (give or take a couple overpopulated classes). It’s a transfer of power from parent to child, which can be tough to swallow, but they need to recognize it. It has to happen sooner or later. Good luck though. I’m sure they’ll come around.</p>

7

<p>Agree with above. While it is their money, the fact that where you want to go is the cheaper option heavily devalues that argument. It is also your time to start living/deciding for yourself. Just tell them why you want Yale, without arrogance and hope that they go with it. If that doesn’t work, then you will have to try be a bit more forceful.</p>

8

<p>They think YALE is uptight? I giggled…especially since this came from ND fanatics.</p>

9

<p>Yeah, I’m pretty sure T26 has figured out what’s going on, and “Yale is uptight” is just a pretext.</p>

<p>Golf, sorry you’re in this situation. Don’t know how to advise you.</p>

10

<p>I would like to answer some of the questions the posters have asked. </p>

<p>I have visited Yale with my parents, and mom complained the entire time we were there. All I heard for two days was how bad New Haven was, how expense everything off campus was, and how far away from home we were. Anything and everything that happened the entire week, my parents spun it into a negative light. It was very annoying, especially when I was loving every minute of being on campus. </p>

<p>The question about Yale being a hotbed for liberalism is appropriate in regard to my family’s outlook. My family is definitely right wing but not too far out there. I am also rather conservative but that is open to discussion. This is why I like Yale, my political views will be more challenged than what they would be at ND. I have never been apart of a community, or even a group, that is more liberal. My family and community as a whole shares rather conservative views, which I am rather tired of. (When we talk about this I usually bring up the point that 4 of the 5 presidents who have graduated from Yale have been Republicans with the exception being Clinton)</p>

<p>No I have not been accepted to both schools. I got into ND under early action. Honestly, it took a lot of convincing for my parents to even let me apply to Yale and my mom still wants me to repay her for the application fee because she said it was a waste of money. I wanted to apply to Yale under SCEA but I simply could not win that battle. I know that it is still a long shot for me to get into Yale (just like every other applicant), but I want to be prepared, if I were to get lucky and be accepted. </p>

<p>I would love to attend Bulldog Days, but I do not know if that will be possible.</p>

<p>Believe me when I say that I have been telling them that Yale will be cheaper for months now but they just don’t want to hear about it.</p>

11

<p>If you get a Yale acceptance, then you’ll have to really really ask yourself how you want to spend your four undergraduate years. Certainly ND can offer you a lot. However, as you can surmise, your parents feel comfortable with its provincialism and ties to southern IL. The question you have to ask yourself then will be: how comfortable will it be for you, if you have a Yale (or similar) admit ticket in hand.</p>

<p>There may be no way to skirt the issue than to face it head on. The only other suggestion for you would be to find someone whom your parents respect, who would support your view of such things.</p>

12

<p>As a Notre Dame alum, I can see how you would regard these two colleges as your top choices. Notre Dame has intentionally copied Yale in many ways that would be significant to a prospective student – and, imo, they’ve done as decent a job of it as one could expect.</p>

<p>One of the aspects of Notre Dame I still appreciate today is the residential system. ND’s dorms are quite similar to Yale’s residential colleges. They are communities that you stay with all four years; and they each have their own personality. The camaraderie and spirit of the dorms, all thinking they’re each the best, was easily translatable (for me) to understanding the Yale residential college experience.</p>

<p>I could mention lots of sappy stuff here where I see the similarities and, frankly, where past ND administrators have openly admitted using Yale as the model they’re emulating, but I’m going to zero in on sports. I’m just not feeling what your dad says about athletics at Notre Dame somehow having an edge over Yale. I personally don’t think there’s a difference if you’re a student. Not once you’re on one campus or the other. Sure, I guess Notre Dame could beat Yale in most sports…but unless you’re a recruited athlete who wants to play against Big East competition or a football player looking for national TV exposure, how does this come into play in terms of your experience or your future? Even as a varsity athlete, I always felt that the most important part of my Notre Dame experience was outside of athletics. In that sense, I think Notre Dame and Yale are similar for (most) athletes. As a student, I don’t think it’s different at all once you get to one school or the other. At Notre Dame, you’re not going to go into Notre Dame Stadium for 5 or 6 Saturday afternoons per year and look down your nose at Yale for not having a similarly sized stadium. You’ll just have an amazing time for 4 hours (x 5 or 6 games). By the same token, if you’re at Yale, you’re not going to attend events and think: “Gee, this would be different if I was at Notre Dame.” And he can’t possibly think that the quality of the play on the field or court should be a deciding factor in anything but the price of the tickets.</p>

<p>The difference between sports at Notre Dame and Yale is something that is important mainly to commercial TV networks, not students. Notre Dame puts on bigger productions, but as a student the experience you have at Yale will have 100% of the intensity a Notre Dame athletic event has. You’ll have 100% of the school spirit and pride; and, as with ND, you’ll be living among the athletes and probably know some of the people you’re cheering for. Harvard-Yale has every bit of the intensity of Notre Dame-Southern Cal. Sure, one’s televised nationally; the other’s not – but if your butt is in the stadium, that has 0.00 consequence to you. The main difference with Notre Dame athletics is that at Notre Dame you can hold up a sign that says “Hi Dad! Send money!” and your dad might see it on television. As a parent, I count that in Yale’s favor.</p>

<p>I’ve talked a lot about similarities here. The fact remains that the two colleges are definitely different in many, many ways – but (beyond the sticker price) the differences are only in things that matter to you, personally, as a student. And they’re differences that you’re clearly fully capable to ponder on your own and sort out for yourself if, in April, you’ve got a choice to make. Students with that choice are not in need of hand-holding through that process. Let your parents admire your decision making process and – on their behalf – I urge you to include them in the process. Just understand – and help them to understand – that if you’ve got the chops/intellect/maturity for Notre Dame and Yale, you should be entitled to set a boundary here where you welcome their input and claim the final decision as one that is too important to leave up to others. It’s not like you can possibly go wrong.</p>

<p>Good luck. I hope you have a choice, take full control of that choice, and make the one that’s the best one for you, whatever it may be come May 1.</p>

13

<p>I wouldn’t worry about it too much unless you get into Yale, statistically none of us have much of a shot at this point.</p>

14

<p>Your mom wants you to repay her for the application fee…I loled. I think you need to have a serious talk with them, and tell them that you make your own decisions now. That is, of course, after you are accepted.</p>

15

<p>Your parents seem like the type of people who need a couple of slaps in the face… That should bring them out of that “dream world” they’ve created and are now forcing you to participate in.</p>

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<p>to the OP … I’d suggest you do some internet/library research on conservatives at Yale … president Bush I and II and John Buckley (God and Man at Yale) to name three … there are a ton of well known conservatives from Yale. Personally, I’d try to beat my parents objections down with information/data. Talk to your parents to understand their perspective … noit arguing, not making your case … first just trying to understand their perspective. So if they say something like “it’s not safe at Yale” …follow-up and ask in way would you not be safe. Ultimately the goal is to use information to hopefully help your parents see through their bias and see the reality. I also agree with a previous suggestion to find other adults who would support your selction of picking Yale who your parents respect and see if they can advocate for you. Finally, you do not have to pick a school until May 1st … I’m all for avoiding a big confrontation until necessary … so for now, the big thing is to have both your ND and Yale applications sudmitted and complete … and then you have 4 months to try to convince your parents to let you choose.</p>

17

<p>Honestly, New Haven is just as “bad” as South Bend. Anyways East Coast>>Lower Midwest (and I’m from Michigan). Ugh Indiana…lol sorry</p>

<p>Also, as for the liberal vs conservative debate: colleges don’t tell you what to think. You simply let others influence you.</p>

<p>And both are great schools imo. I’m sure you’ll do fine at either, really.</p>

<p>Bottom line: If you love it and you know you want to go and you know you fit and you desperately want to go and you get in then tell them. If they say no because of politics or because they are stubborn, then emancipate yourself. :wink: If you’re lukewarm, then this is bad advise.</p>

<p>Seriously though, I can’t imagine them hating visiting the campus. My mom was iffy about Ivies, as was I against Yale, and once I got there I fell in love. Just use your brain to find a way. You will.</p>

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<p>If proving that conservatives at Yale exist is all you need:
[Yale</a> Political Union - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yale_Political_Union]Yale”>Yale Political Union - Wikipedia)</p>

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<p>First, ignore the advice that appears to be coming from other high school students, who don’t seem to understand that your parents control the money. You will have to use persuasion, and the best advice I’ve seen is to enlist the aid of some other respected person to talk to your parents. I think if you get into Yale, and it really is cheaper, there will be plenty of people to tell your parents that this is a golden opportunity. For now, I would cool it until you see if Yale accepts you.</p>

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<p>^ Come on Hunt, slapping your parents is the oldest trick in the book, you can’t really argue with that ;D</p>