<p>Can anyone relate to my situation? I am friends with five other girls who live on my floor, but I feel like they are closer to each other than they are to me. For example, on a Friday night, a few of them will get plans going to go out, and usually I'll go out with them, but I feel like if I didn't make the effort to go into one of their rooms to see what was up, they wouldn't have informed me of the plans. They also seem to know each other's "gossip" (boys, etc.), and I usually feel out of the loop. I also feel like they always make plans to go to the gym or whatever, and not invite me. I guess I shouldn't let this bother me, as I am kind of quiet/introverted, and prefer to spend most of my time by myself, and not in a big group. I'm most happy when I am really busy with stuff, like schoolwork and sorority stuff, and going to the gym/library. I joined a sorority, and I've met some amazing girls (upperclassmen), whom I absolutely love, and have gone out with a few times. In addition, I'm really close with my family, and consider my mom and sister to be my best friends, as well as some of my cousins (of course when I'm at college, I can only talk to them on the phone). So I guess my question is, can anyone relate to my situation, of "needing" a core group of friends, but feeling like they don't like you as much as they like each other? I'm usually happy just kind of doing my own thing, but at the same time I don't want to distance myself from these girls, and then find myself wishing for a "group of friends." Usually when I'm at college, I find myself getting really into my work and activities, and counting down the days until I can go home and be with my family. Is this at all normal?</p>
<p>Personally, I'd look towards your sorority and your pledge sisters. That's a group that you'll for sure be involved with for the next four years and will develop some really close friendships. Who knows what might happen with these other girls when you no longer live on the same floor.</p>
<p>That said, make an effort to invite these girls to do things with you (like go to the gym). Part of getting "remembered" for stuff is to be a part of these girls activities. Spending more time with them will mean more opportunity to learn about their personal lives and such.</p>
<p>I feel the same way about "friends". I am also introverted and sometimes its hard to go meet others (especially other introverts and all the extroverts have tons of friends they aren't that close to)</p>
<p>Do they make an effort to ask other people to go with them? Sometimes people don't feel like turning everything into a big group, so that might be why they don't come to your room to ask you to go.</p>
<p>Do you invite yourself (including hinting that you'd like to go until they ask you to come) or do you walk in and they are like "hey wanna come?" If your inviting yourself then they most likely aren't that good of friends.</p>
<p>About the gossip, do you know the people they are talking about? Most people aren't into telling you things about people you don't know. If they are roomates or have more classes together then you would expect them to know more about each others gossip. If you were to try to talk about gossipy things, do you find them telling you not to worry or doing other things that show they don't want you knowing?</p>
<p>Most introverts do find their family as their best friends. Maybe you need to try to go out and have fun and meet new people. You don't have to ignore the girls you already know, but you don't have to spend all your time with them.</p>
<p>Also, like Bigredmed said, make an effort to invite them to go along with you and try to get to know your sorority sisters better!</p>
<p>the gossip is mostly about one of the girls and her boyfriend, who i didn't find out that she was seeing until about a week after it happened (our conflicting schedules prevented us from seeing each other enough when we got back from winter break), and rest of the "gossip" is about another one of the girls and her "almost-sorta-its complicated boyfriend," who I also didn't find out about until after everyone else. One of the other girls clings to pretty much the rest of the group, she also used to cling to me, but then all of a sudden got very cold towards me (she's kind of immature, the only reason i tolerate her is because everyone else seems to love her). sometimes i'll go out with my roommate and her group of friends (who also live on my floor). the problem is, when i'm with my "group," i find myself wishing that i was at home/by myself, but when i'm by myself (ex. watching a tv show), i find myself thinking that i might be missing out, and that i should go make an effort in order to strengthen my friendships. the problem with my pledge class is that it is small, and we don't have greek houses at my school. one of the girls in my "group" is also in my pledge class, but i can tell that she likes the other girls in the "group" better. for example, we were at a party (thrown by one of the upperclassmen in the sorority), and i saw that she was getting ready to leave. so, i went up to her and said, "hey X, where are you going?" and she said "Y (a girl in our "group") called me and wants to do something." I said "what?" and X said "we might go out, i will call you if we do." they didn't end up going out, after i left the party i hung out with them at the dorm before we all went to sleep. but the whole situation was very weird for me, and once again, i felt out of the loop. my "group" always tells me when we are going to the dining hall to eat, but i just feel like they have something deeper going on, and sometimes i feel akward going into their rooms to hang out. this could be because i'm not the best conversationalist, and don't always know what to talk about with people, being as i am quiet. when i go out, i'm always really social and have fun, but i don't feel like i have that "group," because, again, the "group" doesn't make much of an effort to include me. i guess i was just wondering if anyone can relate. I'm trying not to let these girls get to me too much, because otherwise i'm happy with my schoolwork and activities (keeps my planner full!). it was worse for me in high school, when i had acquaintances/school-friends, but no group to speak of. luckily i'm one of those people who is happy being alone, but i just want to make sure that i have a "core group" that i can go to.</p>
<p>I can totally relate. The problem with me is that if I have a "group" of people available to me but I don't feel comfortable around them even after a long time of trying to find that comfort level, then I'll just figure it's better to not force myself to try and be friends with them just because they're there. That's what happened with my hall here in college. They're not all really good friends with each other but they're comfortable enough with each other that they'll always do stuff together. I never felt comfortable with them so I just completely stopped hanging out with them. I went and became better friends with other people - although it's hard to get together a "core group" of friends. So as of now, I still don't have that core group, and yeah I want it sometimes - you know, instead of wondering to yourself, who am I going to eat with, or what am I going to do tonight? to always have people who will be like, what are WE going to do? I'm sure most people have a group mentality and want to be included.</p>
<p>So yes, if you're question is just, can anyone relate? I totally can, and I'm often envious of people who seem to be all set in college with their group of friends. But I'm also the type of person who builds one on one relationships pretty well, so hopefully things will just unravel by themselves.</p>
<p>You say you're in a sorority - that should be really helpful in finding a group of friends, right?</p>
<p>In all groups of friends, some people stick together more than others do. I think that you living in a different dorm room might have to do with how they know each other better. You might be trying too hard to get their friendship. I can't really tell if you keep inviting yourself along, but you could try not hanging out with them for a few days and see what happens. If they call/come by to see whats wrong, then they probably are your friends. If they come by after a long time, then I'd probably not really consider them good friends.</p>
<p>I thought this pregnant girl was a good friend of mine. We would ditch school and go get lunch and talk all during a class and when she wasn't working, she'd text me. She had a baby shower and I spent $300 on gifts. I didn't hear from her for 2 months until she had the baby and i got a generic text message saying "hey i had my baby" and had all the measurements and everything. I occasionally talked to her and said that I'd really like to see the baby. She'd set up a time and then 30 minutes before the time she'd make up an excuse (have to pick my mom up from work, have to go to the store, out eating, at another friends house, etc). The baby is 6 months old and I still haven't got to see it. I haven't talked to her in 5 months. Obviously, she wasn't a real friend.</p>
<p>My point is, you need to evaluate if they are true friends. Do they care about you and your well being? Do they ever call/drop by for no reason? etc</p>
<p>I really am the same way as you. I have friends in class, but I don't really ever hang out with them outside of class. Introverts do enjoy spending time alone, but I think that if you rather be alone 24/7 that might be a problem. I really have one friend who I am very close to and talk to all the time. To me, I rather have one best friend then have a group of people I kinda am friends with.</p>
<p>Yeh, following what OKgirl said, during 1st semester I wasn't sure if these people were actually good friends because I kept getting the feeling that if I didn't ask them to eat and do stuff then they wouldn't include me. So one day I got fed up with not really knowing so I didn't call them/ ask them to do stuff for a few days. And sure enough, they never asked me to do anything. Stuff like that sucks, cause you don't want to be just an extra person who they don't really care about but you don't want to cut off all ties and then be like, ok what do I do now? A lot of it in my opinion, not just trying to make an excuse for myself, is not being in the right place or meeting the right people at first. So hopefully later you will meet the right people.</p>
<p>This happened to me a lot in middle and high school. I also was pretty quiet and wasn't the best conversationalist.</p>
<p>I would advise you to befriend someone else outside your current social circle. With someone new, it's sometimes easier to make conversation because she/he doesn't automatically assume that you're quiet. You two may end up as really, really good friends (and perhaps even form your own group). Eventually, you won't need to rely on your old core roup all the time for social interaction.</p>
<p>Even if it's hard at first meeting new people, you don't have much to lose. You obviously will still have your current group of friends whether or not things work out. Keep trying to meet new people; not only that, but try to spend a lot of time with one or two of them.</p>
<p>Sometimes things just "happen", and you'll be surprised that you really click with a new friend.</p>
<p>I am in basically the same situation! Minus the sorority. For awhile I thought my 'group' was like pretty tight, but now I feel like I have to go say hi, ask if they wanna eat.. We go out together and they invite me but it still feels like they don't care very much. On some level I want to distance myself cause I don't want to seem annoying, but I don't want to be lonely since I don't have another group of friends. I would rather have friends that didn't like me that much than no friends. But I'm making an effort to befriend other people.. I've been feeling pretty homesick lately and I think that is part of the reason why, my mom and I talk a lot.</p>
<p>In middle school and half of high school, I basically had a best friend I did everything with, and some friends I'd known since kindergarten. Senior year my best friend and I distanced from each other, but I had another group of friends that I hung out with.. But I wasn't really a part of their 'group' either..</p>
<p>kalikula, i was the same way in middle school and the beginning of high school! i always had people to eat lunch with in the cafeteria, and i wasn't classified as a "loner" or anything, but it's not like i ever had plans with people on friday nights. that was really tough for me, being a high school senior, and never even having done stupid, right of passage things like getting drunk after prom or going on a late night fast food run with friends. i never went to parties, because i wasn't invited, and didn't have a "group" to go with. its good to know that others are in the same situation as me. i totally relate to feeling like you'd rather have a group that you feel lukewarm about than no group at all. what gets me through the times of feeling left out/out of the loop is thinking of the plans that my family has for spring break/the summer. i feel kind of cheesy saying this, but i really do consider my family to be my "group." i'm close with both my parents and sister, i love going on vacations/out to dinner with them. i also enjoy going to concerts, shopping, the beach, etc. with my mom and sister, and i have some truly amazing cousins whom i love getting together with and visiting, we go out to dinner a lot. it's tough being away at school, because i know that i have to branch out, but i have a hard time opening up to people because i am so introverted.</p>
<p>same thing happened to me, but its funny beause i dont consider myself quiet or shy at all. im actually very outgoing when i first meet people. and its different for me because i was in the epitome of a clique in HS. there were the 14 of us, 7 guys, 7 girls and our "associates" that floated in and out of the group. we pretty much just partied with eachother and i love them all more than life and am happy to say that i have 13 BEST friends. i was expecting to find the same kind of group dynamic at school.</p>
<p>i hung out with this group constantly for the 1st two months of 1st semester. i would always go over to their rooms and see what they were doing and they would come and get me for dinner and stuff. i was so excited in thinking that i found my group right away that i declined offers to hang out with other people because i was SO afraid that i was gonna miss out on something.</p>
<p>its an understatement to say that i regret that now. the times the girls invited me places became fewer and farther between. its not that we dont get along, we just dont mesh that well togther. i was beating myself up thinking about what i couldve done wrong and i just kept on trying to make myself a closer part of that group. then i realized that i shouldnt want to be friends with people who dont appreciate and seek out my company.</p>
<p>i found myself disinterested in their gossip and absolute cliqueiness. so this semester i "gave up" trying to force myself on them and have branched myself out. ive met tons of new people through a school retreat that i went on, and now i make an effort to have real conversations with other girls in my hall. im much happier now, i dont have that "core group" of friends but at least im not pretending i do anymore.</p>
<p>so i say branch out, forget about trying to hang out with them so much because if you dont genuinely like all of them then why do you want to spend your time with them?</p>
<p>jgms63, yeah i was in the same situation in high school.. i didn't get to do that stuff either, get drunk after prom, actually i didn't even go to senior prom (i just went to junior prom and said f'it). i ate a pint of ben and jerry's and watched under the tuscan sun instead. i kid you not. occasionally i went to things with my best friend, but she hardly invited me to do 'group' things because i wasn't really a part of her circle of friends anymore. but that's just how it is for me a lot of the time, for whatever reason i get left out a lot. i realise it's partly because i can be too shy and reserved at times (around people i'm comfortable with, i'm more outgoing and funny). i just don't have a good group of friends i really belong to, and that does make me sad because being around people/friends makes me a lot happier.. i suppose there's still time to change things, but i dunno. it's hard to make new friends. i'm still going to hang out with my so-so friends until i find good/better friends, because i would be happier doing that than being lonely, haha. i hope i don't sound really pathetic.</p>
<p>yeah i'm pretty close to my family also.. like whatever was going on with my friends at home, i could always hang out with my family. i think that's why i am homesick right now. i get that your family is your group.. that makes sense. i talk to my mom and twin brother on the phone a lot and we're planning a trip to england and france this summer, so i'm excited about that. so i have my family, but at the same time i would really like to have good friends.. i just miss having like a close or best friend and someone that i can talk to about anything. ok i'm getting kind of offtopic lol sorry.</p>
<p>It's nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling to find a group at school. I'm a sophomore starting second semester this week, and am hoping for the chance for a "fresh start" after a series of unfortunate circumstances.</p>
<p>I thought I'd found my group right away freshman year with people I'd been acquainted with in high school from a metro area youth symphony, and ended up in the same dorm with. It was me, another girl, and a guy, plus others that floated in and out. The other girl and guy were my best friends through much of freshman year, even after they started dating. I realized after a few months that I needed to expand my horizons so started making more of an effort to get to know other people in my hall, but the girl was still my "best" friend.</p>
<p>Suddenly, in April of freshman year she ditched out on our plans to room together the week of room draw, and hasn't spoken to me since. (I never figured out what happened, but I have a suspicion she was jealous that I was good, strictly platonic, friends with her boyfriend.) </p>
<p>So I lost the group I had with her, and only three weeks left of school didn't leave much time for finding a new "group." First semester of this year was just really bad in general for me, my classes were way more difficult than I had anticipated and I was majorly stressed out, leaving little time for me to socialize. But I dropped one of my majors and am taking some fun classes next semester, so I'm hoping things will improve.</p>
<p>College is so strange! how you meet people and even if you thought you became pretty good friends you could not see them for a long time and kind of forget about them. Especially at big schools. When everyone is wrapped around by their studies I find it hard to have a core group of people who you see constantly. </p>
<p>But that's just me, maybe it's different for others.</p>
<p>wow, thanks for all of the responses! it feels really good to know that i'm not the only one who feels this way! what has been working for me is to still eat/hang out with my main group of girls, but to also branch out and meet other people, so that i dont have to depend on "the group." i kind of like doing my own thing and being really busy, which joining a sorority has definetly provided! it has also given me the chance to get close with some upperclassmen, whom i've been making plans with. in regards to the gossip/cliquishness/people in "the group" that i don't like, i've decided to just ignore it and stay positive, i have too much going for me and too much at stake to ruin my college career over some petty girl-drama.</p>
<p>i completely feel what you are going through because it is happening to me right now, almost exactly actually. to begin, i am very shy and reserved but when i find my group i open up and can really show my personality, so coming to college was hard for me from the beginning. first semester i was kind of floating, usually with my roommate, trying to meet people and find a group. it never really happened but as time went on i started to become closer with some people but never really that close, and my roommate was starting to get on my nerves. she is not someone who i ever pictured myself to be friends with but since we were both in a similar situation we were always sticking together. then recently this semester i tried to include myself with these girls who i was friendly with. they are better friends with each other than with me and i feel out of the loop when i go with them. i always have to initiate and i feel like i am a burden. i was invited to my friends birthday, just 6 of us so that made me feel pretty good and included. i tried to get involved with them, going to a gym class, but there again i had to call and ask when they were going and they had already made the plans and i was sort of tagging along. for meals they never call or ask me so i usually eat with my roommate and the girl across the hall, who are both fine but again not my ideal friends who i can really see myself with. then today one of the girls who i had been geting closer with imed me to tell me that she was going to be switching rooms for next year (we chose our living siutation early first semester and i was with one of the girls and my current roommate now)... anyway, she said that she would be switching to move in with the other girls who i was friends with, and this other girl, who is my roommate friend would be moving in. i felt completely offended and shocked that she would do that to me. she told me that it was a good opportunity for her because they were such good friends. but i thought i was her friend too? and now i feel unwanted and alone. she told me that she didnt want to live with us and that she was going to leave, how am i supposed to be her friend still?</p>
<p>see, I have the opposite roommate problem, my roommate is really popular and has a really big, close core group of friends (both girls AND guys). she's a big partier, and sometimes makes me feel bad for staying in on a saturday night to get stuff done. she always has people stopping by the room to talk to her, and always has plans for every night of every weekend. she's kind of ditzy/*****y, and makes me feel bad for not going out, but then when i do have plans she acts all surprised. everyone seems to love her, and say how pretty/skinny she is, and how nice her clothes are.</p>
<p>wow. such a depressing thread.</p>