Cornell Engineering Supplement

<p>Seven-year-old (name withheld) didn't know a thing about engineering. He did, however, know was that his pre-modeled Lego set was boring and that he wanted to make it more fun and more creative. So he would spend hours sitting at his table trying to recreate that amazing robot that was on the back of the box. Trial and error, trial and error – it was really the only way to do it. Nothing gave young (name withheld) more satisfaction than figuring out how to make a complex Lego creation with his own knowledge and skills.</p>

<pre><code>Looking back on it now, I realize that even as a child the idea of taking something and finding ways to improve it was something I naturally did. Whether it was figuring out those Lego sets or learning out how to write BASIC program code, understanding how things work and why they work has always fascinated me. This is the core reason why I have such a close affinity with the sciences; they give me a deeper comprehension of the way the world around me functions, from the minuscule atom to the unfathomably large universe. However, I am by nature a very practical person, so theoretical science doesn't entice me as much as applications of the material. Laboratory experiments have always been my favorite part of high school science – they give me a chance to see the material in real life, to touch the DNA I just extracted from an onion, to watch the precipitation of mercury from solution. This is one of the main reasons I am more suited for engineering, as opposed to a traditional science major - engineering ties the abstract concepts of theoretical science to real life.

The engineering field that particularly peaks my interest is neurotechnology. Though we sometimes take the idea for granted, just the concept of modern technology being advanced enough to interact directly with the human mind is, well, mind-boggling to me. Though it is a field that has only recently gained prominence, the development of more accurate nanobiosensors and brain-imaging technologies is accelerating the advancement of neurotechnology. There is no doubt that it will be at the forefront of science and engineering in the near future. The possibilities are endless – curing mental diseases such as Alzheimer's, augmenting human reflexes, creating new ways to interact with technology – but none of this is possible without experienced and educated engineers. By studying biomedical engineering in undergraduate school, I want to lay the foundation for graduate study and research in neurotechnology.

One of the main reasons I am eager to attend Cornell University is due to the large emphasis placed on nanoscale research. With such a vast array of advanced equipment and labs, including the Cornell Nanoscale Science and Technology Facility and the Nanobiotechnology Center, aspiring engineers like me, with an interest that lies in the world beyond what we can see, will find their homes at Cornell. In particular, the projects being undertaken at the NBTC fascinate me, especially the development of biomolecular devices using nanofabrication techniques. These are the kinds of technologies that will bolster the advancement of neurotechnology, by allowing more rapid analysis of the brain and how it interacts with the rest of the body. During my undergraduate years, I hope to take advantage of the extraordinary opportunities offered to me at Cornell, and actively participate in research in order to both advance my knowledge of nanobiotechnology, and obtain the skills to embark on my own research projects later in life.
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<p>Please critique. And yes, I am aware of the risk of posting this visibly online.</p>

<p>okay so I’m feeling a little ADD and I only read the last paragraph. Your writing is clear and it flows which I personally value, but you really don’t say much besides “I did my research on Cornell’s engineering facilities” which frankly they are probably getting in almost every essay.
I think you should mention at least one of the examples (ie the Nanoscale facility) but then personalize it. One thing you could go is bring up the intro to engineering class requirement, they are called ENGRI then a 4 digit number. They change a little from year to year I’d guess but it seems like they’re generally the same. There is one: ENGRI1110 about Nanotechnology which I’m actually enrolled for the fall, and just mention something from the syllabus and how it interests you.
Oh, better idea. There’s an ENGRI1119 class about biomaterials for the human body, which relates to your paragraph about neurotech. That class sounded really interesting, also. You don’t want to make your paper sound too researched by using course numbers like I have, or maybe you do I don’t really know, but if you exhibit a general knowledge + enthusiasm for what you’re actually going to be doing I think it’d be great (rather than the whole woohoo Cornell’s got lots of grad students to study under and loads of resources, which I would think is overdone and unoriginal)
Then again I only skimmed your essay until the final paragraph so I don’t mean to sound insulting. You did a but of it in the last paragraph and likely did more abouve as well.
PS, Congrats on actually doing your essays before december… haha</p>

<p>First of all, good job on not procrastinating. Also, you can private message ppl your essay after you publicly ask ppl to read it. If I were you, I’d delete this thread now. You can send it to me if you want; I already got into Cornell Engineering.</p>

<p>The purpose of this essay is to convince the school that you are actually interested in them. </p>

<p>You do show this, but your essay could benefit from some restructuring.</p>

<p>Specifically, your last point (nano stuff is good at cornell) doesn’t follow immediately from the preceding one (Neurobio is my passion). You make the point later, but reading through it its not immediatly clear where you are going. </p>

<p>PM if you want more detailed comments. Also, try to get this thread deleted, don’t need to be revoked admission for asking for help.</p>

<p>Any more advice, please?</p>

<p>This may seem to take a good chunk out of your essay but writing about Legos makes engineering admissions officers sigh because they are so tired of reading the same childhood story of every engineer over and over again.</p>

<p>Paragraph 3: … the area that PIQUES my interest…</p>