Cornell University College of Arts and Science Essay

<p>Hi! Please review and let me know any feedback or ideas for changes! Thanks(:</p>

<p>PROMPT: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.</p>

<p>ESSAY: Thirteen years ago- at age five- I was playing on my swing in the backyard when I heard a “meow for help”. Assuming it was my cat, I yelled to my mom who then informed me our cat was inside. Intrigued, I ventured into the woods until I found the source of the noise. There it was: a baby kitten. The kitten was clearly in a fragile state and needed help, so I nursed her back to strength. Now, thirteen years later and she is known as “Kitty-Kitty”, my fat and happy cat. The feeling I got while saving this cat is what excited me and reinforced my love for animals. Since that afternoon, it became my dream to reignite that feeling by pursuing a job as a veterinarian. Throughout my education, I have always taken a particular interest in science, especially that of Biology. One day, I hope I get the benefit of explaining how Cornell University’s College of Arts and Sciences helped pursue my career of being a veterinarian. I have known since middle school, when I accompanied my older sister to a college fair, that I wanted to apart of the Cornell community. After doing research on colleges to apply to, it is evident that Cornell University has an excellent graduate program for Veterinary Medicine, and I believe having the advantage of studying Biology at the College of Arts and Science will prepare me well for these future aspirations. The college offers many excellent programs for students to study from within the Biology major. The program I would benefit from would be that of animal physiology.
Academic rigor appeals to me, which is why I have taken both honors and AP level courses that North Allegheny Senior High School has to offer. One of the most challenging courses my school offered was Honors Anatomy and Physiology. Although animal anatomy and physiology are much different than human, I believe that this background information will give me advantages over other students who have not been exposed to this type of education in their high-school career. Studying animal physiology will give me the opportunity to be apart of Cornell University’s biomedical research. Knowing I will be able to study and research within excellent student laboratories sends adrenaline throughout my body. Cornell University allows students in this field of study to spend summers in Ithaca studying research, and expand the learned information to others through professional lectures.
Being apart of Cornell’s distinguished community is an award in itself, and with the brilliant staff and faculty my knowledge can be taken to the next level. Being accepted into Cornell University is the first step to my path of success. From there I plan to major in Biology through the program of animal physiology, and hopefully be given the chance to continue with my dream in Cornell University’s graduate college of Veterinary Medicine. Cornell University’s College of Arts and Sciences is the place for me. This is the place where my dreams will become reality.</p>

<p>woah geez. never thought i would actually find one of my classmates on here.
im also at NA.
your essay is great by the way!</p>

<p>oh and i love how you and i both are working on our cornell essays during winter break :)</p>

<ol>
<li>The feeling I got while saving this cat is what excited me and reinforced my love for animals. -> sounds like a cliche story really, even I could have made up a better story</li>
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<li>that I wanted to apart of the Cornell community → wanted to be a part of* …</li>
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<li>helped pursue my career of being a veterinarian -> helped me achieve my dreams of being a veterinarian*</li>
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<li>The college offers many excellent programs for students to study from within the Biology major. -> students to study Biology as a major, in particular animal physiology</li>
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<li>will give me advantages over other students -> will give me an advantage*</li>
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<li>be apart of Cornell University’s biomedical research -> a part*</li>
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<li>Being apart of Cornell’s … → a part *</li>
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<li>sends adrenaline throughout my body. -> sounds trite</li>
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<p>9.Being accepted into Cornell … → Personally, I don’t like the repeat of Being</p>

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<p>10.chance to continue with my dream -> continue my dream*</p>

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<p>Okay, I hope I wasn’t harsh or anything but your essay needs a lot of reworking here. : / It is obvious you didn’t proofread with all the apart* mistakes. Your intro story sounds like a 5 year old girls ambition story (if you’re a guy, then it would be even more awkward) and some might even wonder if “KItty^2” is real . Your choice of words and phrases are also quite dull. As a writer, you want to be crisp, concise and creative. And your ending, dreams will become reality, sounds like you didn’t even try!</p>

<p>Yet again, I apologize for sounding so harsh but you really MUST do some rewriting here. Unless you have 2400’s, 5’s in AP’s,stellar EC’s and pioneered a multi-national organization to save kittens worldwide, then I cant really say much :|</p>