Could anyone critique my short answer essay?

<p>I am applying as a transfer student to The College of William and Mary, and this is my essay for the short answer on the Common App. The prompt is this: "Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)". I volunteered at a therapeutic horseback facility, so I decided to write about that.</p>

<p>As I enter the horse stable, the sounds of swishing tails and plodding hooves mix with children's laughter. But this is no ordinary stable. It is a horseback riding center whose goal is to provide therapy and enrichment for those with special needs.</p>

<p>While volunteering as a side walker who ensures that the riders remain secure in the saddle, I not only learned the value of helping others, but also the importance of finding joy in seemingly ordinary things. The most rewarding part of my work was seeing the pure joy on the riders' faces after simply getting the horse to trot or receiving praise from the instructor.</p>

<p>As the lesson draws to a close and the students dismount, I lead a weary horse back to its stall. Although I have completed my duty for the week, the principles that I learned from this experience will remain.</p>

<p>Through volunteering, I realized that sometimes things that may seem inconsequential can teach life's greatest lessons. And sometimes, healers have hooves and a tail.</p>

<p>What do you think? I'm afraid that the ending might be a little bit corny, but I tried to tie it all together. Do you have any advice for revising this? I tried to make it interesting and descriptive so it's very easy for the reader to envision, but I'm a little concerned that it doesn't sound formal enough. It comes in at exactly 1,000 characters; do I need to try to shorten it a bit, or is that okay? Thanks.</p>

<p>I think it’d an excellent essay that well reflects your passion and commitment to horseback riding. This is exactly what colleges are seeking, and you shouldn’t be worrying!</p>