Could anyone grade it out of 12???

College Essays
1

<p>Can books and stories about characters and events that are not real teach us anything useful?</p>

<p>Books and stories about characters and events teach us many important things. Some stories give us courage and persistence, and make us tell the right thing even if it brings us social disapproval and ostracism like in the novel "To kill a mocking bird" and some stories teach us to never ideal a person just because he preaches and says wonderful things to the crowd like Arthur Dimmesdale in the “Scarlet letter” and some stories show us the way to change and make a life of meaning like in the novel“Les miserables”.</p>

<p>In the novel "To kill a mocking bird", Atticus finch, who was a small town lawyer in a white racism southern town, was charged to defend Tom Robinson, a black man accused of raping a white woman. Even though Atticus Finch was threatened and disparaged by members of his community, he was certain of what he was doing; he put all of his efforts on that case. And in the end he launched a brilliant defense for his client. That story teaches the person many things like confidence in himself, High expectations, ambition and vitality. </p>

<p>In the novel “The scarlet letter” ,Arthur Dimmesdale who preached that the Salvation comes from obeying God, doing what is right instead of wrong , being honest and good instead of false and deceiving. All the people idolized him and saw him as a perfect honest truthful man but all the while he was carrying a secret relationship with Hester Prynne, who had his child. When she was discovered to be pregnant, he didn’t have the courage to defend her but instead he let her carry the social stigma of their mutual sin. Through Dimmesdal’s actions and inactions we can see that he is not as absolute as his words. The story tells us not to see people through their words but instead we should see them through their actions that they make. Like Emerson once said “Your actions speak so loudly that I cannot hear what you say”. </p>

<p>Finally, the story that shows how love and kindness can be transferred from one person to another and the changing of a thief to a man of great convictions. In the great novel “Les miserables”, Jean Valjean, who shamelessly committed larceny for a living, was stumbled by a kind priest who took pity on him and invited him in to his house. When left alone, Jean Valjean quickly pilfered anything he could. Suddenly, the priest bursted in, catching Jean Valjean red handed; instead of denouncing him to the authorities, he grabbed two silver candle holders and begged him to leave what he already seized. This strange incident had a forever lasting effect on Jean Valjean, he mutated from a common thief to a magnanimous man of great convictions and a great generosity. </p>

<p>In those three stories, we can conclude that books and Literature are necessity for our lives, they provide us with many different aspects and aphorisms that give us more experience and more knowledge in life.</p>

2

<p>Can anyone grade it???</p>

3

<p>Hey, the essay overall is solid. A few things, though. I realize that the prompt is explicitly asking for description of story plots and characters, but the balance between your summary and exposition of novels’ plots and characters and your actual analysis, or what you feel you gained from reading those stories, is not ideal. Try instead of just telling the story plot and connecting it to real life morals and themes at the end, do so throughout your essay to really target what the prompt is asking for, YOUR input. Also, this sentence doesn’t make much sense: “Finally, the story that shows how love and kindness can be transferred from one person to another and the changing of a thief to a man of great convictions.” 8/12.</p>

4

<p>Grammar</p>

<ol>
<li>Punctuation Marks go inside parenthesis</li>
<li>Put book titles in italics or underline them. " " are for short stories, short plays, poems, and other things.</li>
<li>You should put a comma before “and” only if you’re making a list or the part of the sentence after “and” can stand alone. (I’m looking at the first paragraph).</li>
<li>Wordy. Dude, I think your entire first paragraph is one sentence. ;)</li>
<li>Racism is a generally a noun, not an adjective.</li>
<li>“Was threatened by members of the community” is passive voice. This burns my eyes.</li>
<li>You have a fragment. “And in the end he launched a brilliant defense for his client.” is not a complete sentence.</li>
<li>End of 2nd paragraph: just say it teaches those things, not things like them.</li>
<li>Tense. When you refer to literature, you must refer to it in the present tense. Should be “they idolize him” and etc.</li>
<li>Comma after said in: Person said “Quote.”</li>
<li>Finally is a horrible transition.</li>
<li>“Was stumbled by a priest” is passive voice. IMHO, one of worst grammar errors to make.</li>
<li>Last sentence, next-to-last paragraph, is a comma splice.</li>
<li>Last sentence is also a comma splice.</li>
</ol>

<p>This is just going over it for 2 minutes.
I wouldn’t give it a good grade.</p>

5

<p>Thanks for the tips, I will try to keep it on. Why is the passive voice is wrong???</p>

6

<p>

</p>

<p>Omit last is…</p>

<p>The passive voice isn’t wrong, but it’s frequently misused or overused. </p>

<p>Even though Atticus Finch was threatened and disparaged by members of his community, sounds fine to me.</p>

<p>A passive voice is used when the emphasis is placed on the action, not the subject.</p>

<p>For instance, if you made a mistake on the job, an employer might say, “You didn’t send in the report on time.” However, if the employer doesn’t know who is responsible or doesn’t mean to pinpoint the action on a specific person, then the employer might say, “The report was not submitted on time.”</p>

7

<p>

</p>

<p>Punctuation marks go inside parentheses. (Parenthesis is singular.)</p>

<p>Usually, but not always.</p>

<p>Who said, “I’ll be a freshman next fall”? The sentence is a question, but the quotation is declarative.</p>

8

<p>So if I made the passive voice correctly then no body will tell me that it is wrong.
“Even though Atticus Finch was threatened and disparaged by members of his community”
thanx for the info. :></p>

9

<p>There really isn’t a right or wrong (except grammatically) for using a passive voice. It’s more a matter of style. However, it is frequently used too often or for no reason, which dilutes its effect.</p>

<p>In your sentence Even though Atticus Finch was threatened and disparaged by members of his community, I think it works fine. The actions of being threatened and disparaged are more important than by who did it.</p>

<p>However, in the sentence In the novel “To kill a mocking bird”, Atticus finch, who was a small town lawyer in a white racism southern town, was charged to defend Tom Robinson, “was charged to defend” could be made much stronger by an active voice: Atticus Finch defended Tom Robinson. Unless there’s something I’m missing, I see no reason for passive voice here.</p>

<p>Additionally, In the novel “The scarlet letter” ,Arthur Dimmesdale who preached that the Salvation comes from obeying God, doing what is right instead of wrong , being honest and good instead of false and deceiving. is an incomplete sentence. The subject Arthur Dimmsdale (notice spelling) has no verb. Who preached that… is a relative clause. A similarly constructed sentence that might be easier to point this out is: My friend, who loved to go running. You can clearly see that the sentence is incomplete.</p>

10

<p>The essay is rife with grammatical mistakes. But one question I have is about this sentence:</p>

<p>some stories teach us to never ideal a person</p>

<p>Ideal is an adjective or noun. Do you perhaps mean idolize?</p>

11

<p>Yep I should have said “idolize” not ideal</p>