Could someone please grade my essay?

Test Preparation
1

<p>I think my essays can really improve, so could someone please give score my essay and give me some feedback? Thank you!</p>

<p>"A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.”
Alexander Pope</p>

<p>Assignment:
Do we learn more from finding out that we have made mistakes or from our successful actions? Plan and write an essay...</p>

<p>Winning or reaching a goal is what everybody strives for. However, we sometimes lose or fail to achieve what we want. Many people say that losing gives you the chance to learn from your mistakes, but others say that winning sets an example. What is the real truth? People learn from both winning and losing equally because learning from one failure can lead to another success and because success gives you a model to follow.</p>

<p>To begin with, learning from ways you have failed helps you to set the stage for success. For example, the Korean War and Douglass MacArthur were both a failure and a success. MacArthur, commander of the American forces, was sent to Korea when North Korea had almost completely taken over South Korea. Being the great strategist he was, MacArthur took back all of South Korea. His only mistake was to push further in North Korea. When he reached China’s border, China reinforced North Korea. MacArthur was removed from his post, but America learned from his mistake and refused to aggravate North Korea and China by pushing back the border. Learning from mistakes can turn one failure into another success.</p>

<p>Furthermore, one success shows you how to achieve the same thing over and over again. For example, getting a six on a SAT essay is no simple thing. However, once I got a six on one of my practice essays, I repeated this over and over again. My score was also repeated over and over again. I had learned the structure of a good essay, not just for SAT, but also for college and jobs. My successes just once lead to multiple other successes. Winning and being successful can show you the right way to do so, resulting in much more winning and success! </p>

<p>Failure and success are really two same things, except that one has a reward and a different name. Despite this, you learn the same amount and experience the same thing each way. First of all, learning from the mistakes of MacArthur in the Korean War, America succeeded in winning it. Second, by using a structure from one of my best essays, I got good scores the other times I wrote an essay. Some say losers are winners while others say winning is everything. In reality, losers and winners gain the same experience, knowledge, and insight, and, in the end, that’s what matters most.</p>

2

<p>Solid essay, however make your topic sentances more direct, get yuor complete point signposted in one sentance if possible</p>

3

<p>7 or 8 out of 12. </p>

<p>It’s a good essay. However, it’s critical that you are very clear and direct with the way you speak … even people that use a lot of vocabulary words lose points because of this. So instead of “winning or reaching a goal” just pick one word to use. Also do not say “YOU” or “YOUR” ever. Speaking in the second person addresses the reader directly, which is absolutely not permissible in formal writing. You may, however, use “one” or “we” or “people” instead of “you”. Your thesis was very clear and directly stated. For your body paragraphs, I’d spend time to really develop your body paragraphs and spend less time on the conclusion. You can get away with a 1-2 sentence conclusion and still get up to a 12 I believe, but a 4 sentence body paragraph might get you a 10 at best. So shorten your conclusion drastically and really develop your body paragraphs. Taken time to explain WHY MacArthur’s actions were a failure, not just how, and then take time to explain what success resulted from the lesson learned IN that failure. Lastly, I’d stay away from SAT related examples. It’s a poor reflection on the tone and maturity of your essay if directly or indirectly invoke SAT essay grades, it comes across like implicitly begging the scorer to give you a higher grade. There are some graders who would probably not care, but it can be distracting for others, so I’d avoid it to be safe. </p>

<p>Good luck, and keep practicing. You’re not far off from that 12</p>

4

<p>Thank you so much! This really helps!</p>

5

<p>I would say 10 out of 12.</p>