(I couldn’t figure out how to indent each paragraphs, although I did indent each of them when I wrote this)
A short note for you before reading this:
please read as if a grader would read this; that is, it should take about two minutes to read this - don’t just read the first part and grade it, or don’t try to scrutinize too heavily on details. Also, I advise you to grade my essay after you read it for the FIRST time, not the third or fourth time (because I doubt that the graders do this - maybe they grade it after second time reading it, I don’t know). AFTER you give my essay a grade, please feel free to give me advise, criticism, etc.
P.S. I’m really sorry if I wrote in a peremptory manner for the paragraph above. I didn’t mean to sound so demanding, but I just wanted to get the most accurate grade possible. Please forgive me 
:x
P.P.S. Thanks for taking time reading this!
Prompt: Do advertisements contribute to unhappiness and dissatisfaction?
The notion that advertistments enhance the general well-being of society has its roots on social science, yet its underpinnings are often overlooked. Through providing information about available products, services, and even political discussions, advertisments bring about a general interest of the readers or viewers of the advertisment, compelling more people to participate in fostering development of politics, economy, and connection. Indeed, without the voices of the people whose views were shared in newspaper, television, and our digital devices, our world would be a disconnected and discordant environment. As exemplified by a Nike’s advertisemet and the presidential debate, we can see that, far from being a distraction in our lives, advertisments can help us further our happiness and contribute to society.
A TV commercial from Nike directly illustrates the positive influence advertisement has in our society. Although Nike was a billion-dollar company back in 2008, the entire company was agonizing over how to let the public know the quality and sleek designs of their shoes. Merely presenting a pair of shoes with uninteresting jumble of information, the advertisment department of Nike thought, wouldn’t ensure the increase in their sale. After much experiment and contemplation, it finally came up with a short flim that they believed would best represent not only Nike’s product, but its ideals. In the clip of the video, major sport starts - Rafael Nadal, James Brown, and more - were presented as wearing Nike’s shoes, along with their ambition to persevere, win, and work furiously in their expertise. There was a dramatic and inspiring music as a backdrop, of course, and at the very end of the clip, a lasting phrase was shown - “Nikey - we all share the same destiny; join us.” The Advertisment proved to be a success, and soon after the commerical release, Nike gained an increase of $150 million in their sale. With the appealing effect of the commercial, the company was able to increase their profit, the viewers were exposed to an exciting possibility of a new shoes, and the society was able to gain more fluid economy. Without the advertisements, people wouldn’t have the kind of shoes that they enjoy.
In a similar way, the presidential debate in US further epitomizes how presenting certain information on the public can bring out positive influence on our society. Every four years. shortly before the presidential voting, the two candidates from seperate parties, democrats and republicans, hold debate against each other in public in hopes of letting the prospect voters reach a wiser decision about who would prove to be a better leader in the United States. In 2012, for instance, incumbent president Barack Obama and then-incumbent Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney debated in
P.P.P.S. please indicate whether you graded in 6-point scale or 12-point scale; thanks!