<p>Hi people,
I'm an international student. I was in the US for a short while so I'm not an expert in writing essays in English but I try to do my best.
I'm taking the October SAT.
I searched, and I couldn't find a place to grade essays except this forum. ( Thanks god I found it !! )
Here are four of the essays that I wrote. I timed myself, and that what came out.
So, can you please grade them for me?</p>
<pre><code> ESSAY 1
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<p>Excerpt: "No one is contented in this world, I believe. There is always searching for something left to desire, and the last thing longed for always seems the most necessary to happiness." </p>
<p>Assignment: Do you think that people are capable of finding happiness or they are always searching for something beyond what they have?</p>
<p>People will never stop searching for happiness. Above my observations and knowledge, I think that it is fair to claim that people never satisfy with their amount of happiness and they are always in there search for more. In my life, I never met a person who told me that their journey to find happiness is over.
Scientists and psychologists are not really able to solve the problem of finding happiness. There are factors that contribute to happiness, and there are ways to increase one's happiness. But all of these factors won't contribute to finding the end of the trip to find happiness. All the factors may work for the first couple of times such as writing one's blessing in a journal or having a pet but eventually this person will feel empty again and will continue to search for happiness. Science stated that 50% of the contributing factors are related to genes. So even if someone tried his or her best to be happy, he or she won't succeed because the problem is not in the outside, it is in the inside. It is a civil war!
Elvis Presley is a good example of this matter. The rock and role singer was successful and not many people will deny the offer of exchanging their lifes with his. He had an extraordinary talent, a successful career, and a lovely fan base. But he didn't stop searching for his happiness and he always felt that something was wrong. In the end, he died unhappy.
In normal life without fame, the trip to find happiness doesn't have an end too. In the book "The Overachievers" the author discussed the character of AP Frank who - despite the fact that he took 17 AP classes with perfect standardized tests - was unhappy. Even when he got to Harvard - the dream school of many he still felt that something was not right. He continued to question himself whether the school was right for him or not, and he never really enjoyed the parties that he was attending and he kept searching for bigger ones.
People want happiness and in love of the idea of happiness. This traditional unhealthy love can be dangerous to their mind. Pending I believe was and will always be the word to describe the progress of people search for happiness.</p>
<pre><code> ESSAY 2
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<p>Excerpt: Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them-a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have the skill, and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill. </p>
<p>Assignment: If you want t o become an expert in a certain field, do you need to have more talent or more motivations?</p>
<p>Having skills and talented is a critical part in achieving dreams, but it is certainly not more important than having the motivations and the will to complete the job.
Examples of real life are available to support this point. The notorious basketball player Michael Jordan didn't have an easy way arriving to the top. The coach of his high school basketball team kicked Michael out. He didn't have that much of talent back then. But he kept practicing and sweating. He kept working eight days a week to achieve his dream. If he didn't have enough motivations, his basketball career might have ended in his sophomore year and we might never know who he is.
Not having the genes to do the work is not the excuse of failure. If you are an amputee, you may not be able to join the cross-country team. But s that an excuse not to be a successful poet? Scientists said that it is not the matter of genes that make people great or not. It is the matter of willing and deliberate practice. Scientists said that if a person wants to achieve greatness being the top of something he or she must work on that thing for 10000 hours. Which means that if a person works on a hobby everyday for three hours, he or she will achieve greatness after 10 years. Scientists also had proven that a lot of chess grand masters scored 90 on their IQ test. But that didn't deprive them from achieving the top which wholly support the theory.
The mind by itself will think of the hardest part before begging the work. For example, if a student is going to have a critical reading exam, they will focus on learning the hard strenuous words more than enjoying the reading materials. So if they are not motivated enough, it does not matter how many previous literature work they had read previously and does not matter if they are a book worm because the brain already thought of the worst possibility. So the student will still procrastinate doing the task if they don't have enough motivations or good will to get a high grade.
No matter what amount of talent restored in the body, the brain is the one in control. Not having enough motivations will not allow the person to an expert, and the 10000 hours stop mark will still far.</p>
<pre><code> ESSAY 3
</code></pre>
<p>Excerpt: I am more and more convinced that our happiness or our unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves.</p>
<p>Assignment: Which do you think contribute more to personal happiness: what happens to us or the way you respond to what happened?</p>
<p>The world is not the one to choose the amount of happiness people will have in their life, their reactions is the one that will determine their mood. But sometimes or let say often people choose to blame the world a lot. Who likes to blame themselves? It is easier to think that the world is the reason for our sadness. There are a lot of excuses to support us, we simply can say "if happiness is in my hand, why will I choose not to be happy?" But even with these excuses. The truth can't be vanished, and there is only one truth to prevail.
The issue is scientifically proven. In the book " Get rid of your mind "The Egyptian author Sharief Arafa put resources for a lot of scientists who had proved the theory of happiness. Those people have claimed that happiness depends on three factors. They said happiness is 50% genes, 40% personal responses, and 10% of outside factors. To put in nutshell, this small number -10% - can't hurt you unless you allow it to do so. It's your choice.
Nich Vujicic can be a strong example. This Australian guy was born without limbs. Living without arms and legs can be the true fear of the people. When some people break a leg for and be forced to wear a cast for six weeks, they will morose the entire time while whining about how life was unfair to them. They will post sad poems on facebook, and they will question why such things does not happen to others. Nick didn't allow that to happen to him. He wanted to be different. Even though he attempted suicide when he as young, Nick today got rid of his depression. Now, he is touring the world to promote his motivational message. Today, he is married and he had a healthy boy. Nick can play three sports, he has a website and he is a new York times best seller. Nick achieved a lot obviously more than me without arms and legs. He had all the reasons and excuses to be an example of human depression but he chose to be extraordinary. He chose to be happy.
Being happy is a choice. You can choose to cry your lung out after getting a D on chemistry, or you can simple endure the fact, cry a little, then get over it and work harder to get an A. </p>
<pre><code> ESSAY 4
</code></pre>
<p>Excerpt: Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow. Delay may give clearer light as to what is best to be done</p>
<p>Assignment: Do you agree with Aaron Burr that it's wise to put things off if you can?</p>
<p>I disagree with the idea of postponing things. If you didn't do the thing today why would you do it tomorrow? There is also a possibility to "something" to happen the day after that will make you regret it. Future was and always will be unknown; If you miss the chance today, it might go to someone tomorrow.
People procrastinate because of their fear of never achieving perfectionism. Deadlines are closer than they look. This Is a mainstream example in students' life. The anecdote will start by a teacher giving the students an assignment with a deadline after two weeks. Most of the students will think that it is too early to start. One week later, students will think that there is still time, and there might be better ideas to flow to their minds if they waited couple of hours, and this scenario will be repeated until for most students the night of the deadline when the students will have to finish the 2 weeks assignment in hours. They will be depressed; they will hate themselves for minutes and they will probably stay up that night. So why a human will advocate such actions? I think putting things off is never a virtue, and it is a simple easy excuse for laziness.
Procrastinating is never productive. One writer once said "I always see people in a hurry on their ways. But if they only left their homes a few minutes earlier, they won't have to face this situation." In a scientific research, it was proven that stress can put permanent damages on the brain that will decrease the quality of humans' performance. Stress is a side effect of procrastinating. When I'm delaying my homework, I will be stressed about it all the time. It will still in my mind. It will be everything I think about, and I won't be able to enjoy my present, and the guilt will still hunting me until I decide to do the homework. This is self-torturing. All what brings is harm, stress, and damage.
It is not wise to delay things off. It is harmful, and no good can be made by doing so. By doing the things that we have to do today, we can make a space for a new chances for better things to enter our tomorrow instead of thinking about the same issues over and over. </p>
<p>Also, I have three questions.
1 .. should the thesis in writing be in the top or bottom of the first paragraph?
2 .. When I say " a student " should I later use the pronoun he or she (( it will look awkward if I'm writing it too many types )) or should I say " They "? (( I hear a lot of people in every day life using the latter ))
3 .. Which one is better? Essay with 4 or 5 paragraphs?</p>
<p>Finally, feel free to say anything you want. I can't afford taking prep classes, English is not my first language, and I don't know anyone who can help me with the essay :( ( except maybe you guys :) )
If you have any tips or advices to make my essays improve please share them with me.I will be very thankful. </p>
<p>Have a nice day.</p>