Could you please kindly grade my SAT essay for the pretest 08-09

<p>Hi, could you please kindly grade my essay? And any comments are welcomed. Please comment as much as you want to help me improve my already bad writing. Thanks in advance.

[QUOTE]

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. People think that to hide one’s thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.</p>

<p>Adapted from J. David Velleman, “The Genesis of Shame”</p>

<p>Assignment: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from
your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

[/QUOTE]

. People should not try to keep many things private, but instead, they should be extrovert, ready to confess their stories to others, and willing to listen and ask and challenge others' ideas if necessary.</p>

<p>. Imagine a family where the father is always bad-tempered, his child will grow up always bad-tempered, too. Sometimes, the child has something to ask, or want to suggest something to his father, but he weill remember the bad attitude his father always has. And he will not talk to his father about the thing that has dawned on his mind. When more and more things are left unsaid between the father and the son, they will no longer understand each other, and as a result, the father will yell at his son more often, and the son will take all the scoldings as a reason to resent his father. Everything bad here is resulted from the unwillingness of the 2 people to express themselves.</p>

<p>. Now this time, imagine if that father and his child are outgoing. They will talk to each other more often. Instead of letting the unsaid accumulate, they speak out everything they want about each other, and they'll understand each other better and better. Not only this will help them avoid needness conflict, but also the exchange of ideas will help the father know about what he doesn't know, help the son find the best solution every time some problem confronts him, and therefore help them promote their "friendship." This feeling and atmosphere of cooperation and understanding is more valuable than anything.</p>

<p>. Therefore, nothing should ever be kept private between two people.</p>

<p>-the introduction is very weak
-your examples are not sufficient.</p>

<p>6 out of 12</p>

<p>yea, chill out</p>

<p>7 of 12</p>

<p>Generally, hypothetical situations are not good choices for essay evidence. Try to use history or current events [things that have actually happened are good], but if you can't think of any, try books and movies.</p>

<p>Thank you very much, anhtimmy, all-ivy_academic and zoaxanthellae.</p>