@Youdon’tsay: that happened with a student in my daughter’s grade. She kept telling anyone and everyone that she was going to go to a certain expensive school in Texas that quite a few students from this high school attend. On Senior Night in front of the whole football stadium most students gave their top 2 choices in their bios that the announcer said over the loud speaker when they were introduced to the crowd. She only gave the one, and her mom videotaped it and put it on Facebook. I’m not sure if she applied ED or if it was just EA, but she was denied admission shortly after that night. Not deferred, denied. Needless to say she was embarrassed.
^ That sounds like a pressure cooker type of situation. Wearing t shirts to colleges since 4th grade, 100% of students going to college, being brought up to a crowd as a senior to announce your top choices. That sounds kind of intense. While I think that it’s important to inspire students to go to college, not every kid thrives in that type of enviornment. You just have to find the right fit. My S went to a very highly competitive magnet high school and I can tell you the competition for kids getting into top tier could be intense. He didn’t appear to care to compete wth them. In fact he refused to put his picture with a list of college acceptance on the very prominent wall. So it doesn’t appear that he was psychologically damaged from the intense environment but heard about other kids paying some pretty severe consequences- mental breakdowns. I’m actually glad my D ended up not accepting the magnet offer.
No offense, but some of these traditions sound really horrible. Around here, there are many students who have to take a gap year (or several) to get money to pay for college. Others are starting at CCs. Others are not able to go to college for whatever reason (generally money). How horrible to have that broadcasted to the whole school and have it rubbed in that so many are going away.
At a private school with roughly the same SES and where students are all going to college right away? Sure. At a typical public school? It seems like it could be really upsetting. JMO
Again, given that your D never represented “competition” to her D (as they aren’t the same year), you really need to come up with a better motivator for your somewhat paranoid belief that she is out to get you - better than “well, her family makes more and runs in better circles.”
How does GC even know that YOU know her D was denied from the school in question?
“. On Senior Night in front of the whole football stadium most students gave their top 2 choices in their bios that the announcer said over the loud speaker when they were introduced to the crowd.”
What a horrible tradition. Talk about no one’s darn business. (and why would all the students necessarily attend a football game? Oh I forgot, Friday Night Lights)
“You hope school faculty and staff is above this sort of pettiness, but I’d bet it’s a challenging pill to swallow seeing my daughter in better position to get accepted to her daughter’s dream school.”
It feels to me like you think your D’s (potential) acceptance to this school is a great way of evening the score you’ve decided you need to keep with this woman and her rich husband.
i suspect it would be a challenging pill for you to swallow if here she was, rich and all, her D got in and your D didn’t. Not that you’re not entitled to be bummed with a kid’s rejection, but this whole thread is shot through with competition where there simply doesn’t need to be.
I agree. I’d be tempted to buy my kid a “South Harmon” sweatshirt.
The long name or the acronym?
Lol @goingnutsmom and @pizzagirl. You guys have a totally wrong perception of what I was trying to describe. First, my point was to support youdon’tsay’s comment about appearing flexible and not obsessed. Second, as to the comment about Friday night lights, only a small portion of the students attend football games, believe it or not. But seniors in that particular sport only are introduced at the last game of every sport in the school. It happens with soccer, tennis, football, cheerleading, softball, baseball, basketball, volleyball etc. A short bio is read by an announcer that was written by the students about what academics were they’re favorite, what fine arts, sports and clubs they were in while they were in high school, their favorite memory of high school and so forth. They mention what they hope to be and where they hope to attend college. Most usually say a couple so they aren’t saying they’ll get in for sure to a certain school. Some say they are undecided. And it’s certainly no pressure cooker of a school.
My daughter’s team had a Senior Night too. Most knew where they were going (spring sport, so this was April) but some just said they weren’t sure yet, or said “Sara plans to study nursing” without naming a school. A few ended up not going to college but they didn’t announce “Cindy has no plans, and her parents just hope she moves out soon.” They could add any other awards, sports related or not, to their introductory bio, what they planned to study, if they’d received scholarships, if they were going to play in college…
This was also on the football field, but at their game not a football game. Not nearly as many in the stands as for football Senior night.
Kids also wore college tees and sweats all the time, mostly the big state football schools, but anyone could wear any shirt - parent’s school, an SEC favorite, one visited. My daughter had a lot of sweatshirts from schools with teams she like, but she really was never going to Harvard, Yale, UMass, Cal, Princeton. She had all those logos on sweats and hoodies, most from before she was even thinking about college.
@oneanddone that’s sounds like Senior Night at my daughter’s school, although they have it at the field/gym of their particular sport at the last game. Some say they haven’t decided on a college or that they are going to do General Studies. Some of the kids will attend the local community college. It’s a nice night that the kids enjoy.
OP - I was thinking about this some more. There are kind of two ways to handle this, and I fear you may have veered, or implied to the GC that you were veering, down the wrong path:
- "I'm interested in colleges X, Y, Z blah blah blah, and of course I do have this reach school H. But it's such a lottery for anyone, and so many talented kids get rejected every year, that we can't count on that one! And so I'm really hoping we can work on ..."
- "I'm pretty set on going to H." [interpret attitude ...because I'm clearly better than your stupid daughter who didn't even get in]
I have a colleague whose kid did not get into his reach of HYPSM a couple years ago. I’ve been studiously careful always to talk about how much randomness there is in that process, and how terrific kids are denied routinely. Ok, so first of all, it’s totally true. But it’s also just plain considerate.
ETA: How obnoxious would it be if instead I assumed that my kid would get into his reach? That he was “more qualified” than someone else’s kid in the community?
1.) The college day is just a break from uniform, they wear t-shirts or sweatshirts of their fav school, often where their parents attended.
2.) The college is not HYPS or any Ivy for that matter. She’s been building a resume towards being a match for this college for three years.
3.) I hope she doesn’t go out of her way to harm my daughter’s chances, but I suspect, based on her tone and her daughter’s rejection, she might not be the most enthusiastic about writing a rec this moment. I also think she’s caught on to the things my daughter has done that she didn’t have her daughter do.
I think you need to let this go. Your daughter is not in competition with the GCs daughter…and never was.
The counselor recently went out of her way to discourage my daughter to not get her hopes up, when my daughter wasn’t seeing her about college. I think some of you are underestimating how petty some people can be, especially status-conscious families. In essence she can see my daughter playing the admissions “game” better than a professional. It’s obvious it ticks her off. Up for debate is just how half-effort her rec and common app contribution will be.
You’re the one who sounds “status-conscious.” OP.
Or maybe she was just shocked when her daughter didn’t get in and wants to warn yours not to get her hopes up. The poor woman’s still mourning the loss of her own kid’s dream. Maybe it would be good to cut her some slack and not expect her to enthuse over your daughter’s successes at a time when the wound is still raw.
Given that your D has “been building a resume towards being a match for this college for three years,” she is obviously very attached to this college. I think it was absolutely reasonable for the counselor to tell her that she shouldn’t be crushed if she didn’t get in to the college of her dreams. I can definitely see why the rec she forgot to write could be a problem, but I don’t see how her comment is. The fact that you keep mentioning her big-shot husband and her “status-conscious family” sounds like sour grapes to me.
GC won’t write a rec for months…she’ll be over it by then and may be able to give pointers on things her D wished she had done differently.
No, I don’t think many HS GCs would be that petty. Your D is not even competition. Just go with it and see. It is too early to worry about as this year’s results are not even finished! Relax.
Ps: playing an admissions game, building a brand or resume around a school? Colleges can smell those apps a mile away. Be careful!