Oh for heaven’s sake. You don’t have to be bosom buddies…or even like your kid’s GC for the kid to get accepted at college.
DS had a horrible GC. I won’t go into details but let’s just say…she was a horrible advocate for him in HS, and told him he would not get accepted to the university where he got his bachelors degree…and with a great merit award to boot.
Our HS GCs were assigned by last name…per letters of the alphabet, and the same GC had had our section of the alphabet for years and years…like her whole career. I was fed up with her after DS, but figured I just had to buck up and deal with her for DD.
Well…guess what? They shuffled the letters, and we got the head of guidance. He was a much better advocate, but not a whole lot of help for DD who was applying OOS.
At the end of the day, it didn’t matter. Both of our kids got acceoted to,their number one choices for college. The GCs did what they had to do…nothing more and nothing less.
I just can’t think this situation with the OP is worth fretting about.
And just curious, a number of times the OP has stated that her kid is better placed to gain acceptance to this college. How,would she know that? Did she see the GC’s daughters application, essays, letters of reference? Admissions can be very unpredictable. Very.
This appears to be a high pressure school environment- kids who haven’t even applied much less accepted to colleges wearing tee shirts on a special day. And counselors meeting with kids to help them make their top choice happen. If it is a very highly competitive atmosphere I can see this Type of scenario playing out where parents, counselors and kids get caught up in all types of drama. Yikes.
When some threads hold back info, it’s impossible to now what’s behind a question. The players need to breathe and handle this intelligently, not emotionally. We don’t know the pressure, but it seems this is a prep school.
I have little concern here, just the advice that OP needs to be on the right game, if he/she thinks there’s some clear cut way to brand.
But if this kid is so well oiled for this first choice school…why is additional “branding” necessary. The kid is who the kid is. I don’t get the branding thing for ONE school.
Uhh, that is standard counselor speak. Must be something with treating everyone the same. My daughter was also encouraged to apply to CA community colleges. She laughed internally, smiled, and said thanks for the advice. So far, the best college she has gotten acceptance into is Purdue.
Why? There are lots of kid who were in a better position than her daughter. Once you look at this on a national scale, many of those “top” kids at each HS aren’t at the top anymore. And since your daughter didn’t apply the same year as her daughter, I’m not so sure she is sitting around comparing them anyway. If your daughter is a good match for this college, then she has a shot at getting in. If you really think this counselor will try to undermine her application then you should find another one.
I would second the not asking for a new GC because it would look bad. In fact, it’s a good idea to appear to be really happy and excited to be working with the GC you have. When my son started at the school where I teach, one of the GC was in the office. I asked, “is there a way that I might suggest a certain GC as a match for my son as a new student here?” He interpreted it as wanting him and reassured me that he would “snap him up”. That immediately became what I had meant retroactively (!) because it seemed the most polite way to handle it. In the end, the match is terrific.
Normally I side with the school/teacher/GC on nearly all CC threads. However… There is sometimes a thing where school staff whose kids don’t do so well, have a bit of resentment. I regret to say that I have seen it in action, though I haven’t seen most alleged CC examples of unprofessionalism. (e.g. I routinely disbelieve “she didn’t even try to get me into Honors” or “he never taught it at all and barely knew the material”)
On the other hand, if it’s a very selective school, then the advice isn’t necessarily obnoxious on the face of it, nor necessarily incorrect.
Or maybe the OP’s kid was being not quite as humble as Dad wishes she were, and needed to be told honestly that she did not have a great chance at this extremely selective college. I do have students periodically who basically refuse to consider likelies/matches until it’s almost too late (and certainly too late for merit awards or rolling decisions before regular decisions).
I’m still trying to get my head around the concept of the school having a once per semester/year college sweatshirt day for kids who are not seniors. Is this a high school that doesn’t send a very large percentage of graduating seniors to college?
My kids wear T shirts from any number of colleges any day they want. It’s truly different depending on what region you live in. It’s not a big deal, really.
I agree that it’s a last resort to ask for a new counselor. But if for some reason, the present set up just doesn’t work out, then they may need to reconsider. Sometimes people can’t get past things- counselors, parents, students.
As I reflect now, I should have switched my kids out from some teachers they had in school. One teacher had it out for my daughter. Hard to accept at the time but no other way to explain it. Another teacher stressed my son out so much that he got a facial tic by the end of the year.
I have friends who are school teachers, principals and counselors and the internal politics of school environments rival _____ (insert your preference here).
This was called the once/semester college day. For many of us, it’s an annual day the seniors get to wear the sweatshirts of the college they will attend. Not the college they’re “gunning for.”
If it’s a school where t-shirts and sweatshirts are normally allowed, of course kids might wear college shirts whenever. This definitely was presented as a different thing.
I wouldn’t worry too much about the GC writing a half-hearted or weak recommendation. Colleges know that GCs often don’t even know the kids they’re writing that GC rec for. It’s hard for a counselor who is responsible for hundreds of kids to know each one. Focus on getting excellent teacher recommendations. If the recommendations from those who are in a better position to know the student and her academic abilities and accomplishments are stellar, a weak GC recommendation won’t make much difference.
On the facts stated, I would be reluctant to try to change counselors. Even with worse facts, I wouldn’t do it unless I KNEW the change would be made. I just don’t think you have enough hard facts to make a case for a change, and I think it would be just as likely to backfire as to work out.
My kid will sometimes wear college t shirts that she’s gotten at tours (all types of schools- public, highly selective, not highly selective, some she might have gotten because she went on the tour as a younger sibling) on random school days but it’s not an orchestrated affair. I’ve seen other kids at her school do the same. This appears to be an entirely different animal- you are expected to wear a t shirt of the college you are vying for. That’s just setting up a freakin competitive environment.
My friends D became entranced with Princeton when she discovered that they had eating clubs. I think she really liked the exclusivity of this concept. Bought a big expensive sweater type hoodie thing that she wore to the SAT prep group constantly. And to her competitive high school. Looking back, I think she liked that it made her feel important and in a category that told others she was vying for a spot in an exclusive school. It intimated some kids, others not so much. My D wasn’t fazed by it but she was never interested in Ivies to begin with.
"I’m still trying to get my head around the concept of the school having a once per semester/year college sweatshirt day for kids who are not seniors. Is this a high school that doesn’t send a very large percentage of graduating seniors to college?
Carry on."
Well my daughter’s private school that is 4K to 12 has a college T-shirt day a couple of times a year. All the students can participate, even the lower school kids. Of course, the seniors wear T-shirts of their top choice school. The students love any day they can wear something other than a uniform. I never have thought of it as odd. And no it’s not a school that doesn’t send a lot of students to college. In fact, the school claims 100% of graduates go on to college (each grade only has about 65 students).
Back on topic. OP, what you’re worried about at this point in time is that the GC won’t give your daughter a recommendation that she needs within the next two weeks in order to get into a summer program, is that correct? That’s how I read the original post. It doesn’t seem like enough notice for this GC based on the history, so I would suggest to ask someone else again this time. Next, schedule a parent/student meeting with the counselor soon to discuss where she’s at in getting ready for the college application process and what she needs to do. Ask genuine questions and try not to come off as if you know your daughter is doing everything right, is certain to get into her top choice, and doesn’t need any advice. Most importantly, go into it with an open mind. The GC may actually be able to help her if you approach her with a sincere attitude of wanting to collaborate on what is the best for your daughter.
P.S. My daughter’s GC used to always say at every year’s college meeting with all the parents and students together that it’s not what college you go to, it’s how you go to college. GCs say these things to everyone.
OP, you sound a little paranoid. Bringing up her dh’s fancy job and connections make it sound like you’re really reaching here as well as your assumptions that she would torpedo your dd out of jealousy.
I agree with others that you and your dd work on maintaining a good relationship with the counselor. Maybe next college day your dd wears a different college shirt if you really think this counselor has noticed and gives it a second thought. Besides, only wearing one shirt her whole HS career kind of sets your dd up should she not get into that school. Better that she look flexible and not obsessed.
I would call soon to arrange the meeting. Since this sounds like a private school it’s possible they may be able to meet before May 1st. If not, you will have given plenty of notice to this GC so that she can fit you in her schedule. (The GCs at my daughter’s school request a parent/student meeting in March or April of the junior year to have this discussion.)
