Cover letter help

Career Opportunities & Internships
1

<p>Hi guys, </p>

<p>I am about to enter my 4th year at the University of Texas and I am currently in the McCombs School of Business. I was recently admitted into the MPA program and understand that I am a year behind. Due to this I wanted to get a head start on the recruiting process that begins this fall. I wanted to get some feedback or criticisms about my sample cover letter. This is by no means my final version, I hope to refine it through out the summer. </p>

<p>Thanks. </p>

<p>Nikhil Gupta
2300 Nueces Street Apartment 624
Austin, Texas, 78705
<a href="mailto:nikhilgupta_91@utexas.edu">nikhilgupta_91@utexas.edu</a></p>

<p>June 12, 2013</p>

<p>Hiring Manager
IBM Corporation
1 New Orchard Road
Armonk, New York 10504-1722 </p>

<p>Dear Hiring Manager,
I am interested in applying for the Finance and Accounting Co-op position that was posted on IBM’s corporate website. I am extremely excited in applying for this position because I feel many of the core values and goals IBM cherishes as a company are very similar to mine. In addition, I believe there will be a lot I could learn from a fast-paced and challenging environment that exists at IBM. I have currently completed my second year as an account major at the Red McCombs School of Business at The University of Texas.</p>

<p>I have had a great deal of in-class experience with creating and analyzing hypothetical financial statements both for companies and non-profit organizations. Within this classroom setting, I have successfully created various financial statements (Ex. Balance Sheets, Income Statements, and Statement of Cash Flows) after analyzing certain situations and studying various transactions companies undertook. Moreover, I gained the insight to understand the relationships that existed between financial statements and how those relationships were key to understanding the financial viability of a company. In addition to my experience with financial statements I have had experience with working in dynamic, cross-functional, and team-oriented environments. </p>

<p>This past year, I held the position of treasurer in a sports organization on campus known as the Longhorn Cricket Club. During my tenure, I was able to formulate a financial budget that allocated predetermined amounts of cash for every major cost pool. Through this initiative, our organization was able to avoid over-spending and unnecessary costs. In addition, I was authorized to document the acquisition and selling of old equipment. I accomplished this task by maintaining a general ledger that was signed off by the President every month. Ultimately, our organization was able to accumulate a surplus in funds by the end of the school year. These funds were reinvested into the team by purchasing new equipment. </p>

<p>Thank you for your time and consideration. I believe that I would be an asset to your Co-op program not only because of my work ethic but also my determination and passion for working for a prestigious company such as IBM. I will e-mail the hiring department/representative next week to see if my qualifications seem to be a match for the position. If so, I hope to schedule an interview at a mutually convenient time. I look forward to speaking with you.</p>

<p>Thank You,</p>

<p>Nikhil Gupta</p>

2

<p>First, I would say remove personal information from this post. Would be weird for a company to google your name and see this. And you’re giving out your address/email to everyone.</p>

<p>I suggest you find a way to make yourself stand out here. Your cover letter is informative, but boring and not unique. You took an entire paragraph to basically say “I took accounting classes” just like every other applicant has certainly taken. Maybe talk about a specific project or report your prepared, because really, your “great deal of in-class experience” is expected and not special. </p>

<p>With both your classwork and club position, it just comes off that you’re going way out of your way to overglorify your credentials, and it sounds kind of tacky. You aren’t going to fool these guys into thinking your treasurer position in a Cricket club required serious finance/account skill. I feel like you should be a little more honest about it to avoid this overglorification.</p>

<p>Finally I would say you should try to tailor this a bit more to the company you are applying to… Of ALL the things you could have said about IBM, you characterized it as “prestigious,” “fast-paced,” and “challenging”… This could be said about practically any company. You said your core values aligned with theirs, with no justification (PS, their core values are dedication to client success, innovation that matters, and trust/responsibility, none of which you demonstrated). Knowing about the company goes a really, really long way! I do understand that this is just a sample, but still.</p>

<p>Sorry to be so critical, but its for your own good!</p>

3

<p>Couple things to add…</p>

<p>With regard to the treasurer position, I don’t know whether it was legit because you didn’t put any numbers in there, so if I am a hiring manager, I will assume that you are BSing me. That said, in one of my college singing groups, the treasurer was responsible for maintaining a $100,000+ operating budget, ensuring that all members could participate regardless of financial status, planning fundraising events and mailers, and setting up an international performance tour. On the other hand, a treasurer in one of my other groups maintained a budget of roughly $3,000, of which nearly all was fixed and required no true budgeting skills. The first person can, does, and absolutely SHOULD use that experience when applying for jobs; the second person, well, just shouldn’t.</p>

<p>I agree wholeheartedly with the comments about this cover letter’s generality. Many people think that a cover letter is just like a resume, where you put in some general information and occasionally change a word here and there. That is a great way to get your cover letter set aside. If you want to be noticed, take the time to rewrite your cover letter for EVERY COMPANY. It will take a while, but I’m just saying, an hour of your time is worth a career. Nobody wants to read that their company is prestigious… don’t you think they already know that? What makes you special? What makes you stand out in a crowd? What makes you someone worth hiring? What makes you someone who might fit with the company?</p>

<p>Also, you do realize that you submit a cover letter with your application, not before it, right?</p>

<p>One last thing, I am a big fan of a confident close. Think of a cover letter as a sales pitch, and the last paragraph is what makes the “customer” say, “I’m sold!” To that end, don’t use weak or passive verbs - “I hope” or “Please consider” don’t ring of confidence. My standard close is something along the lines of, “Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to starting a career at [company], so please contact me by phone or by email to arrange an interview.” Take note that I am indicating that this person wants to hire me - no questions about it - without making myself sound like the best thing since sliced bread; I also do not give the option - instead of, “feel free to call me,” it is “please call me.”</p>

4

<p>Just be concise and direct!</p>

5

<p>first, I think your cover letter is a little too long and can intimidate or bore a hiring manager who probably wouldn’t read the entire thing. I am applying for entry level positions and my cl is only three concise paragraphs. So for an internship I think yours should be the same length or shorter. Also I agree with the above posters that you come off as cliche and desperate. So remove the over-exaggeration of the treasurer position and buttering up the company.</p>

<p>good luck!</p>