Critique and Grade?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I am new to this forum. I came here because I thought it would be a valuable asset in trying to pass my SAT. </p>

<p>I was wondering if some of you experienced college students or parents, could you give me a realistic grade on this practice SAT essay? (I am assuming you are aware of the essay grading format)</p>

<p>I was using a college prep program so it was time and space limited - I wrote as much as I could! Some of the spelling errors were fixed afterwords - I know that's not real! :) Gotta love auto correct!</p>

<p>I know this isn't the best - looking over it again, I kinda cringe....but this was my first stab at it!</p>

<p>Thank you so much!!!!</p>

<p>PROMPT: “The human mind prefers to be spoon-fed with the thoughts of others, but deprived of such nourishment it will, reluctantly, begin to think for itself - and such thinking, remember, is original thinking and may have valuable results.”
Agatha Christie</p>

<p>Why should anyone make a conscious effort to think 'out-side-the-box'? Is it unnecessary? </p>

<p>ESSAY:</p>

<p>Agatha Christie was correct, these days everything is spoon-fed to us. Sometimes individuals don't even recognize this failure, but, it has seeped so far into our beings that it would take a conscious effort to inverse it. We believe that we hear and then reciprocate that information to others. It becomes a vicious cycle that results in unoriginal thoughts and ideas. How do we expect to become wiser and a fresh influence on this world?</p>

<p>The entertainment industry these days aptly displays this concept. We become sucked into character's lives via movies and television and thus can't live and breath unadulteratedly. We have a unquenchable thirst to be amused. Do you know that that word actually means? The root is "not to think". Many people can't fathom how much this aspect of popular culture affects out lives today. </p>

<p>Similarly, as a girl, I see many peers salivate over the latest perfect pumps or the dress you could die for. they spend their time hoping and wishing for something they don't have and being pressured that if they don't have the Gucci handbag they are somehow inferior. You can't let celebrities and ad agencies dictate what you think - even what you wear. </p>

<p>Whether it's grabbing the newest addition to Kim Kardashian's clothing line or gasping over the latest perfect movie scene...we are interlaced with common culture so consequentially that we cannot love and live our own lives. Originally.</p>

2

<p>Just wondering if anyone had any thoughts!</p>

3

<p>The first thing I notice is that your essay is considerably short. It seems to be only about 250 words. Try to shoot for 350+, as it will help your score. Although quality is important, quantity is a huge component of the SAT essay. Since the graders only have a couple of minutes to grade, first impressions are key. Thus, you essentially need a relatively long essay to achieve a high score because the grader will be impressed by the length and may not even read it in its entirety.</p>

<p>Your essay, evidently, is underdeveloped. Your example about the entertainment industry is really hard to follow. The part about “that word” meaning “not to think” is sort of relevant, I suppose, as it shows society’s incapacity to think critically. The execution isn’t very good, though, as I’m wondering which word is the one that you’re referring to. I’m assuming that the word is “amused,” which makes sense, but it’s not the easiest thing to interpret. Your essay should clearly explain your point of view. You have good examples, but you should elaborate more.</p>

<p>Focus on answering the prompt, not side issues. In your conclusion, you tend to address humankind’s inability to express itself due to social pressures instead of the necessity to express oneself. Your argument is that today’s culture prevents people from thinking “outside the box,” but you don’t really address why people should try to fight the status quo to be creative. [Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, it’s hard to explain.]</p>

<p>There are some other minor flaws, including the fact that your last sentence doesn’t really make much sense grammatically (I’m referring to the sentence before “originally,” which is also a fragment).</p>

<p>Apparently my gradings have been too harsh in the past, but I could not see this essay getting any more than a 7 or 8 (out of 12). I’d probably give it a 5 (out of 12) myself, but I think that that might be a little low. The grading scale that the college board uses is very ambiguous (and reasonably so as it is hard to create a qualitative scale) and the same essay will score generally within a 1 point range out of 6.</p>

<p>Edit: I didn’t realize that the essay was space limited. Did you fill up all of the available space? If so, the actual SAT gives you way more space, and thus your essay should be substantially longer. You will also have a time limit of 25 minutes, which is probably similar to the constraint you faced when writing this essay.</p>

4

<p>I really appreciate this honest feedback. I do agree that it was scattered - first time jitters!
I will definitely keep your advice in mind when composing upcoming essays.
I was in fact space limited - which I really didnt understand. I was also timed. I realized that I also needed to workon managing that 25 minutes better so that I have more time for review.</p>

<p>Again, I can’t thank you enough!</p>