CRITIQUE MY ESSAY! Why Swarthmore? (250 word max)

College Essays
1

<p>Hi, y'all! Last minute applicant here. This is my Why Swarthmore? short answer.
Prompt: In 150 to 250 words, please write about why you are interested in applying to and attending Swarthmore.</p>

<p>My essay comes in at 232 words! I intend on submitting my app today, so I'd like all the constructive criticism i can get! Thank you guys in advance!</p>

<p>It was kind of a cliché moment, actually.
There I was, a wide-eyed junior visiting a real-live college campus for the first time. We began our tour and our guide’s words seemed to blur together into a hum as I looked around the Swarthmore campus. I always had imagined my dream school as a pristine land full of creative hippies skipping around with textbooks, knowledge-thirsty teens huddled together in hordes in effort to learn more about one another’s thoughts and aspirations, pride flags and protest signs galore, and of course, beautiful trees and flora to brighten the idyllic landscape. I looked about the campus, and there it was: a pride flag hanging from a window. I suddenly noticed a circle of students sitting on the campus lawn, complete with open books, laughter, smiles, and a what looked to be a very intelligent conversation, sweet scents of cookies wafting from the Dining Hall, and of course, beautiful trees and flowers that seemed to smile back at me. I then realized, this was the place for me. I could imagine myself standing in the amphitheater, holding my own Swattie candle (trying my best not to light anyone’s hair ablaze), hanging my own pride flag and marching with my own protest signs, creating my own intelligent discussion circles on the Swarthmore lawn, and beginning my own educational journey in this haven of open-minded, freshly-baked knowledge. </p>

2

<p>I would just like to warn you not to post your essays in the forum, but rather PM a specific reader to give you feedback (who is a trusted reader and who has posted a lot). Anyone can access these forums and someone could steal your essay. You still have time to remove it. I’m not applying to Swarthmore. </p>

<p>That being said, while I think it’s a nice description of the community, it’s not very in depth. You could just replace the name Swarthmore with any other college. Other than the description of the community (which I like), it seems like the only other reason you like Swarthmore is for its campus. Maybe get rid of the thrid sentence .</p>

<p>You can incorporate that into the rest of your descriptions. Include something that is specific about Swarthmore like if their curriculum offers something you’re interested in studying or a student-led activity you found resonated with your own interests. Or perhaps theres a program that they offer or a professor you would like to learn from. </p>

3

<p>Like you said, it IS cliche. When you say something like that in the beginning, the “cliche” part is expected to be brought up to a higher ground which I didn’t see in your essay. My suggestion is to relate some specific features of Swat to yourself (probably concrete personal experience), which will distinct you from others and give a stronger sense of why Swat is a good fit for you.</p>