Critique my valedictorian speech

Pre-College Issues High School Life
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<p>A little background: I go to a Christian school, and I'll be giving my valedictorian speech. And during this last year, our school ran into financial problems and the teachers' didn't receive paychecks for about a month, so you'll understand that. This is just a rough draft, so any criticism is welcome. Thanks!</p>

<p>Good afternoon, and welcome. To the board, administration, faculty, and guests, thank you for your care and support in getting us this far, and for taking the time to come here today to recognize our achievements. To my classmates in the class of 2009: congratulations. We’ve been waiting for this day for a long time. It seems so long ago that we were just freshmen. Many of us have changed since then…some, not so much. Back then, I don’t think any of us foresaw how difficult and long high school would be. Three of us, Tim Hartung, Aaron Larson, and I, got introduced to the reality of high school a few weeks early. We three brave souls joined the Patriots football team for its inaugural season of varsity football. Our first game was the Saturday before school started, and as we took the field we felt like the real American patriots facing the British army. Outgunned and out-manned, we fell…69-0. At that point in time, I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it to the first day of school, better yet all the way to graduation. But I made it to the first day, as did we all, and I remember it well. I felt intimidated by the size of some of the upperclassmen. In fact, I was frightened by John Anderson, and he was just a freshman! Do you remember freshman year? Back when we still had classes in the basement and sports contests in the old gym? Needless to say, the times have changed. The gym has gotten nicer, the classrooms have gotten bigger, and the teachers’ paychecks have gotten smaller. Sophomore year began with the christening of a new building, Project Legacy. But the best part of sophomore year was that we could no longer be called freshmen. Friendships were made, subjects were learned, and best of all, John Anderson went out for football. When I saw what he could do on the field, my fear of him grew a little bit. Junior year came, and we were finally upperclassmen. With this new title came a lot of stress: AP classes, the ACT, and worst of all, the knowledge that we were barely halfway done with high school. But it wasn’t all bad: there was a light at the end of the tunnel. By the end of junior year, we were only two semesters away from graduation. Finally, senior year arrived. We were the big dogs on campus. Everything this year went so well and so fast. The football team made the playoffs, the class of ’09 won spirit week again, senior trip in Colorado was a blast, college decisions were made, and senioritis subsequently took root and did not let go. Christmas break flew by, then spring break, and then Easter Break, and before we knew it, today had come. So here we are, standing on the threshold of adulthood, looking back at a turbulent four years of high school where we’ve all grown so much. A lot has changed: your plans for your life are probably a lot clearer than they were when high school began, and hopefully your relationship with God has seen growth. And yet some things remain the same: for example, I am still frightened by John Anderson. Albert Einstein once said, “Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” What will you remember about high school in three weeks, after you’ve forgotten all about implicit differentiation and onomatopoeia? First of all, you’ll remember your friends. One thing we need to realize is how truly blessed we are to have been educated in a Christian environment. This environment fosters unity and togetherness, and as a result our class is remarkably unified. We don’t have the cliques and petty drama that you’d see in a public school. We instead have countless deep friendships with all different types of classmates that will last a lifetime. This unity, I believe, is one of the most remarkable things about the class of 2009, and something we’ll all remember long after today. Someone once said, “Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.” I think most of us will agree that God has nothing to apologize for, but he graciously did so nonetheless. A second, more important thing we need to take with us from high school is our knowledge of and relationship with God. We’ll all agree that it is only by the grace of God that we’ve made it this far. God has blessed us each with great friends, great teachers, and great ability. We’ve had the chance to get an amazing Christian education. Our Bible classes have covered every conceivable facet of our faith, from Genesis to Revelation, with practical application for every bit in between. We know what we believe, and we know how to live it. We now have to act on our knowledge, and make our faith our own. Going to college can be an amazing opportunity to strengthen your faith, but it can just as easily be the downfall of it if you aren’t careful. We received some important tips on how to avoid sliding down the slippery slope of secularism in Bible class this year. It is vitally important that you put these into practice. The rest of your life is all about making your faith your own. It is no longer your parents’ choice that you’re a Christian: it is yours. Always remember what Jesus said in Matthew 28:20: “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” I’d like to close with a couple of thank-yous to those who have gotten us this far. I’d like to thank all the teachers who gave their time and effort to get us to this point. Many of you have become more than just teachers to some of us: you’re mentors and friends. The work that you’ve done here with us is priceless…and sometimes your paycheck reflected this. Second, I’d like to thank all the parents or guardians of us seniors. You’ve given us 18 years of living under your roof, and we’ve done everything we possibly can to make you regret this. In the past 18 years, you’ve spanked us for drawing on the walls, refused to buy us that new video game, forced us to do “inhumane” amounts of chores, embarrassed us in front of friends, and not let us borrow the car to go out. In fact, Bette Davis once said, “If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent.” You’ve drawn our ire for many of these things, most of which we did not understand at the time. However, we’ve finally reached adulthood, and the light is just starting to turn on. We can see that everything you did was with our best interests in mind. I don’t know how you have managed the patience to put up with us, but somehow you’ve turned each and every one of us into a fine young man or woman, and for that we truly, sincerely thank you. And last, but not least, I’d like to thank you guys, my classmates. While right now we’re all eager to get out of high school, almost without a doubt, in the future we’ll look back at these days with nostalgia. We’ve got loads of memories that will last a lifetime…who will forget Aaron Larson’s epic series of speeches on obesity this year or Kyler Weid wearing a dress to school during spirit week? I know I won’t…that image is unfortunately forever burned into my mind. It is thanks to you guys that we are who we are. Friends, teammates, mentors…each of us has found something different in the class of ’09. So here we are, together with those who have meant so much to us, together as a class for the last time. One chapter closes as another opens…let’s graduate.</p>

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<p>I think it’s wonderful. </p>

<p>I need to start writing mine lol…</p>

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<p>i agree. btw, im kinda in the same situation. Christian school, money issues at the school, etc.</p>

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<p>i need to write mine too lol</p>

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<p>This is great. </p>

<p>One thing: Personally I wouldn’t diss public schools in your speech; there’s no reason for that, and chances are you’re basing your opinions of public high schools on the cliques from “Mean Girls” (my school isn’t cliquey in the least). Why not say “other” high schools instead of specifying public? It just seems unnecessarily offensive, and besides, you’re all going to be going to college with us scary, cliquey, public schoolers. No need to foster such foolish assumptions.</p>

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<p>Ugh. I’ve got to write my valedictory soon too … :(</p>

<p>On a side note -</p>

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<p>You realize that secularism in American society is a gift to the religious? Do you really want the government to get involved in your religion? Your public school comments are very rude as well. But I’m sure you are just parroting the homogeneity you have been taught since birth. It will probably go over well with the crowd.</p>

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<p>This is my VERY FAVORITE PART

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<p>Take out the public school crap.</p>

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<p>WHY MUST YOU NOT USE PARAGRAPHS! I REFUSE TO DO ANYTHING BUT SKIM BLOCKS OF TEXT!</p>

<p>And if you want my advice, I’d tell you to remove any reference of religion from your speech. I go to a private Catholic high school myself, and while the Christian presence is high, there are also large numbers of polytheists and atheists, so praise of the bible and a deity, much less a singular one, wouldn’t be the best way to appeal to the entire student body.</p>

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<p>I stopped reading when you made the public school comment. This is truely offensive and you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. You poor, sheltered child will come to a rude awakening in the real world.</p>

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<p>I don’t like it. But then again, I’m completely unaccustomed to a speech by one valedictorian. Every year I’ve been at my school there have been at least 4 vals.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the advice. By the way, my school is not a normal, Catholic school. It is hardcore conservative nondenominational Christian. I was told to have a heavily religious theme to my speech, so that’s what I’m going to do.</p>

<p>Personally, I don’t believe half the stuff I put in my speech. I’m possibly the only atheist in my graduating class, but my classmates and the school staff doesn’t know it and I’d rather they didn’t until I was at least done with my speech.</p>

<p>I know people that haven’t been raised in a Christian setting will find some of it offensive (particularly the public school remark, which I’ll remove, and the “slippery slope of secularism”, which I won’t because it will go over well with the audience), but really, that’s stuff I’ve been hearing my whole life.</p>

<p>If you find my speech funny because of its hardcore “religiosity”, I’d dare you to sit in my senior Bible class for one day. You’d s*** yourself laughing. I almost do, honestly.</p>

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<p>Yeah I agree with Moodrets - break it into paragraphs please.</p>

<p>Nice public school reference. We didn’t know we were inferior to you private school students -____-</p>

<p>Other than that, it was fine.</p>

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<p>Give it a message, don’t just tell the story of your high school career. I would imagine that while your experiences may be shared by many people at your high school, the goal of your speech should be to include everyone. I know that at my school the upper third of the class often has a very different high school experience than that of the bottom third. Despite your school’s position a Catholic School I am positive that all is not happy and gay for everyone there. Even as valedictorian you must have faced trials and tribulations. Talk about the American spirit of second chances, bring up the triumph of graduation. This shouldn’t be a speech that dwells in the past and what you have done, it should instead stand tall peering towards what could be while shirking what has been.</p>

<p>Speak your own words, and above all be confident in them. At most use one quote in your speech, and you better make it count. As valedictorian people expect you to do more than simply parrot the words of others.</p>

<p>Make your speech less stereotypical. Everyone has heard the graduation speech that recaps the events past, and says “Well, graduation has been a long time coming boys!” I’m not asking you to reinvent the wheel, just make the speech exciting, give it some energy!</p>

<p>I also agree about losing the preachy nature of the speech. Catholic school or not, try and isolate as few as possible with your speech. I am sure that more people would be offended by its persistent attachment to religion then its lack thereof.</p>

<p>You’re off to a nice start, keep at it. Oh, and if you could format your next draft it would help a lot.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>Edit: Interesting bit about the hard-core conservatism. Still, religious references ARE better when they are subtle. Go with “city on a hill” over “fire and brimstone”. One good religious plug is better than several mediocre ones. If you want to make it sound religious, then don’t mention much in the earlier bits of the speech and then drop a choice biblical quote for the end.</p>

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<p>Yeah, I assumed your intent after reading the honeyed religious references lol. It’s not like your audience is a highly diversified left-leaning conglomerate of the world’s population, so you won’t be angering anyone with your comments, and you’ll accomplish your goal of just getting through the speech with your semblances intact.</p>

<p>Other than the public school reference, which you can easily replace with “other schools” or whatever, you’re good to go.</p>

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<p>Thanks guys. For those of you who want me to lean a little bit away from all the religious references, I assure you you don’t know my school. If I had less religion in it, I think the superintendent wouldn’t improve the speech (which he has to do, by the way. I need a rough draft to him by Monday).</p>

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<p>I think that it’s a little generous to say that the world is left-leaning…</p>

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<p>I didn’t say the world was left-leaning, I said the conglomerate *of the<a href=“that%20is,%20derived%20from”>/I</a> the world’s population was. Otherwise, there would have been no need to include the word “conglomerate,” as that would have been redundant.</p>

<p>It’s all in the semantics. ;)</p>

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<p>Touch</p>

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<p>It’s not so much that you need to eliminate religion from the speech, you need to incorporate it into what you’re talking about. Currently it seems separate from the body of your speech. Instead you could talk about how religion helped get you and your class through high school or what lessons it has taught you. For example talk about the golden rule and how you all helped each other out to make it to graduation day.</p>

<p>Definitely drop the public school remark.</p>

<p>You may also want to drop the inclusion of names of your friends from the speech to make it more accessible to the entire class and to the parents/family in the audience.</p>

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<p>i would be hella ****ed if i heard this speech because i’m atheist and i go to a public school</p>