Did your freshman cry a lot over little things? Or perhaps, what he/she believes is a big thing but is just one of those things/ For instance, a new computer stops working. I have what I think is a very strong kid otherwise who has been away from home a lot for long periods of time. However, when dealing with college stuff specifically, she ends up in tears for some reason. Most of the things she cries about are fairly normal things that happen in life. Not like a car wreck or a pet died or something. Is this just normal adjustment?
I’m in my mid-20s, married, have been more or less on my own for nearly a decade and still cry over little things. It’s just how I am. For me, it’s because I pent everything up and then something minor sets it off.
Your D is probably emotionally exhausted, frazzled, and a little scared. Give her time. If it continues to happen after she’s adjusted to this brand new stage in her life, suggest she go seek counseling.
Yeah, normal. “Fouling the nest” is a classic behavior before kids set off for college - and it can be really rough on parents too. Tears are a less virulent manifestation. I wouldn’t worry about it unless, as romanigypseyeyes says, it becomes her ‘go to’ response for every frustration in life.
It is a lot of stress to be away from home at a strange place for the first time. My older daughter told me one time that she felt like she was completely on her own for everything. She was a very independent student in high school, so I thought it would be an easy adjustment, but she said while at home she had us to remind her very various deadlines and appointments, so she didn’t feel like she had to remember everything. We may think it is a big deal, but to know there is a whole supportive system even if you didn’t need it is very comforting.
Your kid will get used to it after few months. Just tell her to relax and not worry so much.
She will ease into the college experience… but having to face a problem without the support of parents and sibs right there is a tough first transition. There should be computer support on campus. Hope they can help.
We just got home from dropping youngest D at Cornell. It’s a fabulous place and the orientation events seemed well organized etc. However, it is truly a rollercoaster of emotions for these kids. One minute everything is fantastic, the next minute they feel all alone. It’s all normal and takes time. Getting sleep is good advice and can help them cope better.
I still fall apart when I have computer problems. My desktop so sluggish all week, I went shopping for new one yesterday. My best male friend couldn’t fix it, and warns me I don’t do well with transitions, like going from Windows 7 to 10.
By my old age, I can turn to friends for advice on most anything. A college freshman doesn’t have peers with wisdom. No one will care about her schedule or deadlines.
I also think some people have phases where they cry a lot. They live with stress and it doesn’t take much to feel overwhelmed. This can be true for young men, too.
I’m all discombobulated today because I bought a new purse yesterday. It has disrupted my routine. I’ve already missed phone calls twice because I couldn’t remember which pocket my phone was in, and I stood outside my office building like an idiot for ten minutes this morning because I was having trouble finding my badge.
And this is a trivial change in my life. Imagine what life is like for a new college student!
Fortunately, new college students have access to resident advisors, academic advisors, and other people who are there to help them. Encourage your daughter to take advantage of these resources. For example, they may know about computer support services on campus, and they may know where computer labs on campus are located, so that your daughter can keep up with her academic work until the computer is fixed. And even if she has to go off-campus to get that computer repaired, they may be able to help her find the transportation she needs to get to where she’s going.
The transition to college can seem overwhelming, but at least there are people there to help.
There’s nobody to tell me which pocket in my new purse has my cell phone charger in it.
@oldfort I think that’s it: an emotional roller coaster. Very good one hour, not so good the next. I seriously don’t remember feeling like this when I went to college. I did get homesick and visited home several times a semester, but overall, I was thrilled to finally get away from where I grew up.
Thanks all! I feel a little better. She’s juggled a lot over the last couple of years, so I think she’ll pull through ok. But omg, I hope she doesn’t take down her mother in the process!
I sent you a PM
Dropped my DD off last week. The orientation activities started early in the morning and kept her out until 11 at night. By the 3rd day, she was exhausted. Tears flowed as she told me she didn’t think she’d ever fit in. I calmed her down and she went to bed. She slept 11 hours that night and woke up feeling a lot better about everything. School has now started and she can set her own routine and get more sleep. Up and down roller coaster, for sure. I think it’s all normal, settling in.
One of my daughters cries somewhat easily; the other, not so much. I’m the main person they cry to. It’s very stressful but I know that it helps them to have someone to release their emotions to, so I grit my teeth and try to be supportive and kind, all while silently tamping down my own anxiety as I listen to them wail.
Rose, I feel the same way. I try to be the rock of Gibraltar when talking to my kid. He needs me to be strong and encouraging, or else he wouldn’t share his issues. As I tell others, we need to be the adults, strong and protective and supportive.
OP - she’ll dump on you on the phone, and you’ll feel uneasy until you speak with her again, but meanwhile as soon as she hung up the phone with you, she is already on to the next thing.
I used to call my kid back, but only have her say, “Why are you calling me? I am fine. I talked to you already. I am out with my friends.”
With my younger daughter, I now just say, “Ah huh, I am sorry. I am sure it will get better. Ok. Love you, bye.”
Left daughter last night at the end of parent activities, and just Skyped with a teary girl an hour ago. She is not a crier usually, but after closing our summer place, travelling to the school, two days of non stop orientation activities, and sharing a room with three other girls when, as an only child, she has always had her own, she said she was very tired and needed some alone time. So like @phoenixmomof2 exhaustion is having an effect. Glad she reached out to us for support. She also knows that her father and I are flying halfway around the globe tomorrow, for the first time since we moved overseas, without her. A lot to cope with, hard to watch her cry, and need to act strong as a parent. I do think that once a routine of classes is underway it will help. And she does love her new school.
Funny enough, shortly after I was talking with my own mother to say goodbye before we leave the country, and she pointed out that leaving your child in college won’t be the last time we will have to say goodbye to our kid, that it continues, like the way we leave the country each fall, that is never easy for her. I never really thought about that impact on my mother before.