Dad wants me to live at home & take BART to UC Berkeley every day

<p>I went to school a 20 minute drive from my parents house. I planned to live at home after the first year (freshmen required to live on campus). Living in the dorm was so convenient, fun, etc. I stayed for all four years.</p>

<p>DS has several friends at Berkeley, from Fremont too. One was not happy with his dorm situation and found a nice two room apartment(was easy to find another good student to rent the other room to) close by off campus, another found one above a store nearby. Both were happy. the dorm cost is one of the very highest nationwide, its the only way they can get more revenue beyond what Sacramento will give them to run things and pay salaries. Ds is at SCU, we live over the hill now and he lives on campus as I insisted it would be better for him in connecting to the school and making long term friends, the personal growth and maturity thing is an important part of going to college. not just sitting in class and taking exams. He doesn't need a car and has access to profs and everything he needs when he needs it there. If your dad can swing it and you can work a few hours a week for your expenses living on or near campus has been better for our DS so I say live there. And I've ridden BART during rush hour from Fremont. Thats hard on you. and besides UC"s cost half what we pay for SCU, your dad's getting a good buy already.</p>

<p>If your family can afford it, or you can get loans, I highly recommend living in a dorm on campus as a freshman. It is an essential part of your college experience both socially and academically, and if you live on campus, you can also partake of activities in the evening, and have easy access to libraries and study groups. My child lived in a crowded triple (costs less than a double) his first year, and he did fine, and made great friends on his floor. My parents were also immigrants, and I agree with one of the earlier posters who suggested that explaining to your parents that living on campus is an essential part of the American college experience might put the issue into perspective for them. Most students bond with friends in on-campus housing the first year at college--you don't want to be living elsewhere while this is happening, if you have a choice. (It isn't as easy to drop in the second year and build those friendships and alliances--many of them have already been formed.) And yes, it's a good idea to get away from mom and dad and become your own person. Good luck!</p>

<p>OK, here's a minority view. For three years, I commuted (by car) from my family home to the VLSU (Very Large State University) 40-50 minutes away. When I moved out of the house, I rented an apartment about 30 minutes away from the VLSU. Although it's not for everyone, the situation was ideal for me. Here's why.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>I was there to learn, not to socialize. I was enrolled in a challenging program in the Engineering College, and I'd had minimal preparation for that program in high school.</p></li>
<li><p>I had plenty of opportunities to socialize anyway. We worked in small project teams in many of my classes, often until 3am or so in the Computing Commons. It probably helped that I was (back then) a slender, perky blonde, and probably one of about four females in the whole department. But there was plenty of socializing centered around academics and -- well -- coffee, burgers, and pizza.</p></li>
<li><p>When I wanted to sleep, I could crash anytime I wanted to. I had a nice big room in a quiet house all to myself. I mean, those double rooms in the dorms were smaller than my bedroom. At home I had no competition for the washing machine, and a fully appointed kitchen mere footsteps away from my door. There was never a "scrunchie" on the doorknob telling me that my roommate was busy and I couldn't open the door. There was never a roommate leaving clothes on the floor, or inviting friends in when I was cramming for a Physics test. Conversely, I could bring a boyfriend over to study together at the kitchen table any time.</p></li>
<li><p>I didn't get into the drinking scene nearly as much as my schoolmates, and I didn't get into the drug scene at all. I didn't contract any STDs, either. All of those were prevalent in the dorms, but I continued to lead my fairly sheltered life and escape the worst impact of "sudden freedom" until I had a few more years' worth of maturity under my belt.</p></li>
<li><p>Report cards came straight to my house. I felt a lot more accountable for my grades when I knew they might end up on the kitchen counter!</p></li>
<li><p>When I got sick for extended periods, my mom -- God bless her -- was there to make sure I ate well. When finals rolled around and I barely had time to sleep, let alone go out and eat, again she made sure I ate well.</p></li>
<li><p>Speaking of eating well, the food at home was a heck of a lot better than anything they offered in the Student Union. Cheaper, too. Even the food I prepared with my meager culinary skills.</p></li>
<li><p>I always had an excuse to leave situations I found uncomfortable: "I promised I'd be home an hour from now, and my mom will worry if I'm late!"</p></li>
<li><p>I'd never been much into football or "school spirit" to begin with, so I didn't miss that feeling of connectedness that so many folks have mentioned here. The fact that my VLSU had about 30,000 students probably had something to do with this... it was kind of an anonymous-feeling place anyway.</p></li>
<li><p>I didn't have to pack up and prepare to vacate my room during Finals Week every semester, or spend time moving in at the beginning of the year.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>All in all, for my particular circumstances, goals, and personality, commuting from home was awesome. I bonded with several classmates (20 years later, I still keep in touch with one or two) and had a blast, but I was able to escape the college scene and focus on my academics when I needed to. And the support system at home was very helpful at times as well. Oh -- and that "trapped" time on campus gave me a chance to build some good study habits and network with faculty and other students for academic support.</p>

<p>Is the commuter-frosh approach for everyone -- of course not. But imho it can work to your advantage in as many ways as the residential-frosh approach can.</p>

<p>I think one compromise you could make(and I cannot believe I am saying this), is to agree to take out a student loan to pay for up to 50% of your housing cost and agreeing to live off campus after freshman year. According to Cal-Berkeley this would amount to about $17k in student loans which, while approaching a reasonable upper range, is doable for most college grads. And with the time saved you could get a part time job an whittle the loans down into the $12k range which is very doable.</p>

<p>I have always thought that a huge part of the college experience was living away from home. It is not all about academics but becoming an independent and maturing young adult.</p>

<p>Congratulations!
D#1 went to Rutgers, about 30 miles from home. She chose to live there the 1st 3 years (with our blessings), then for senior year she couldn't find a set of roommates and need few classes to graduate, plus had a p/t job near our house. So she moved home, we gave her a car, and the p/t became f/t after graduation last May. It's not for everyone, granted, but as you arrange your schedule over the years, you may find you need not be at school every day, so it is something to consider.</p>

<p>How flexible and safe will it be to travel by BART when you need to stay late at the library?</p>

<p>Think about weekends. Would you want to spend 2/7 of your college years at home? How easy/tolerable will it be to commute on weekends as well as during the week? </p>

<p>What kind of a person are you? Would you enjoy the life that geek mom describes? If you aren't a "geek", then what works for a geek may not work for you.</p>

<p>My experience at Cal was very similar to SlitheyTove, but ended up quite differently. I also was not able to get into the dorms my freshman year and ended up renting an apartment for the first year. But, similar to OP's choice, before I found the apartment I did the BART trip from Fremont for several weeks (I lived in Los Gatos area). So, according to many of the posters on this thread, I really had the worse of both worlds. Not only did I not live in the dorms, but I commuted and then lived off campus my freshman year. As part of a large student body, this really put me behind both socially and academically. Now, you can get some study time on BART, but that will be short. Think of how many hours spent commuting that you could spend on study groups, talking with classmates, meeting with professors. You may also miss out on some classes due to their schedule vs. BART's schedule. Also living off campus has its own negatives as a freshman. I think that it is fine for upperclassman, but freshman year should be spent with others in a similar position. Have someone else clean the bathroom, cook, worry about curfews, provide security; you have more important things to do. The sheer size of Cal is overwhelming enough and you need to keep up as a student in a competitive school. </p>

<p>Anyway bottom line for me was that I ended up so behind and felt alone in everything that I took a semester off and then transfered to a smaller school down the coast and lived on campus. Live improved dramatically. </p>

<p>Put in your deposit, make sure you can get a room, then you can change your mind later. But don't miss out on the opportunity.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Think about weekends. Would you want to spend 2/7 of your college years at home? How easy/tolerable will it be to commute on weekends as well as during the week?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>For the record, as the one happy commuter, I was seldom if ever at home on the weekends (except late at night). I spent them on campus or out with friends. I took in the art fairs, concerts, dance performances, sidewalk preachers, "beach" parties, and other happenings on campus. I went to the occasional party or gathering at friends' apartments just off campus. Not having a dorm room to retreat to between classes, I found myself out and about more than you'd think.</p>

<p>
[quote]
What kind of a person are you? Would you enjoy the life that geek mom describes? If you aren't a "geek", then what works for a geek may not work for you.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>True. On the flip side, if you are an introvert (by the Myers-Briggs definition) or as a child you tended to get along best with adults, campus life can be utterly draining and a quiet home (between job and school, parents and I didn't see much of each other) can be a welcome refuge. Just something to consider. I didn't miss out on a "maturity building experience" -- quite the contrary, I left the high school mentality behind much sooner than my classmates seemed to.</p>

<p>When I moved out of the house, I had the money to move into a nice 1-bedroom apartment off campus, where I made friends with the neighbors and had a taste of life in the real world. Ultimately I put myself through a graduate degree while working, raising a kid, and collaborating on a couple of international conferences. Absolutely no regrets. I don't feel cheated at all for not having spent my years 17-20 in a cramped room in a run-down high-rise with a bunch of noisy, rowdy post-teens; I had plenty of time to socialize with other students in daylight.</p>

<p>However, I should make it clear that the choice was mine, not my parents', and I had a car and a job to pay for it. That's different from the OP's situation. I'm not sure what a bus schedule would have done to my routine of all-nighters and spontaneous excursions -- it might have curtailed my freedom too much.</p>

<p>Your mileage may vary, and I'm suggesting dorm life to geek_son as he looks out of state. But college in residence isn't the only good way to experience college.</p>

<p>Dorm life is just one of life's great experiences. You get one chance to be a freshman. It is so exciting. Don't miss it. (I would even get loans for the first year and do it, even if just for the one year!)</p>

<p>My advice to every new freshman, at every college- live on campus if you can, go away to school, then return to your hometown if you need to. You can never replace the fresh out of HS dorm experience. Even living at home within walking distance of campus cuts you out of the evening (nighttime) life- a college friend was in that situation (different state, but it still is the same ). Taking a train for an hour each way cuts you out from a lot. This is coming from a sedate, honors student (we dragged a friend out of the library on Saturday nights). College is a total experience, no matter how studious you are. Even if the dorms are cruddy, you are there with everyone else. We visited the Berkeley campus just a few years ago- cool place, a relative had been there. This is not a commuter campus, so much going on within walking distance of campus on weekends. Also, it is nice to have a place to relax in between classes/events- you can't come and go, must remember to take everything in the morning- hanging out in a union or library with your backpack secure by your side isn't the same. Try as hard as you can to live on/near campus.</p>

<p>I agree with wis75. Son is a third-year student at Cal, lived in the dorms his first year and in apartments thereafter. We are 6 hours away, so commuting was not an option, but we would have paid the money for him to experience "independent" living during college. It's part of growing up, in my mind. My H was required by his parents to commute from home and his college experience was not as liberating and fun as mine, living on or near campus with my peers.</p>

<p>So many informative comments. I give a table for a summary: (in typical, not for each case, may add more criteria)</p>

<p>...............................Commute........On campus......Off campus
comfortable living..............+...................-...................0
parent care......................+...................-...................-
free space/time to study.....+..................-...................0
saving money....................+..................-...................0
college life........................-..................+...................0
independence....................-..................0...................+
easy transportation............-..................+...................0
extended study(lab, library,
discussion).......................-...................+...................0</p>

<p>Key factors are what is more important for your goals, what is your behavioral model, and the extent goes on criteria (double or triple +/- signs can be at the place). As many have already pointed out, 80 min a day BARTing can cost too much to exchange other merits. A single financial problem may also restrict one's choices.</p>

<p>People here have said it already well: do not miss the opportunity to live on campus your first semester and year. Whatever you do, don't do that. Good luck.</p>

<p>one of the hardest things about growing up is to learn a dad can
be wrong</p>

<p>The OP must be Asian.</p>

<p>sdads's table is in error. The only positive in living at home for a young adult is financial. Notice the key word is adult.</p>

<p>Let me join the chorus. Do not live at home! I attended Berkeley many years ago, and my parents gave me a choice of a new car or living in a dorm. I took the bait and got the car. What a dumb mistake. For three years, I missed out on the total college experience. It wasn't till my senior year that I decided to move in with my roommates in an apartment off College Ave. By that time I had saved enough money to pay my own rent. That was the best year I ever had in college -- all my good memories congregate around that year. I do not want to think about the good times I missed. It is too depressing.</p>

<p>One other potential issue: At USC, financial aid dings you if you live at home. That is, because your Estimated Cost of Attendance is much less living at home than in university housing, your financial aid package will be cut. I do not know if that is the case at Cal but you may want to check into it to be sure.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Let me join the chorus. Do not live at home! I attended Berkeley many years ago, and my parents gave me a choice of a new car or living in a dorm. I took the bait and got the car. What a dumb mistake. For three years, I missed out on the total college experience. It wasn't till my senior year that I decided to move in with my roommates in an apartment off College Ave. By that time I had saved enough money to pay my own rent. That was the best year I ever had in college -- all my good memories congregate around that year. I do not want to think about the good times I missed. It is too depressing.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Along the way someone somewhere must have told you that Berkeley is overwhelming and large and hard to get your arms around. And yet, you put this advice aside and are going there anyway. Congratulations. You are making a good choice. However, there is a kernel of truth in what these people told you. I didn't get admitted to the dorms my first semester. If there is one regret I have about my experience at Cal, it is that. I lived in an apartment off campus with some seniors. Nice guys, but I missed out on a key experience.</p>

<p>Work to earn the money yourself if you have to, but listen to what Venado says. It's spot on.</p>