Dad won't let me major in engineering... what do I do?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
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<p>I am a girl, and I've had a passion in math/computer science, etc. for a while. Engineering is something I am considering majoring in, however when my dad found out, he was against it. He said that it just wasn't something girls do and I should do something else... and leave the engineering for my younger brother. I had wanted to take an engineering technology course offered at our school this year, but my dad made me take something else. This is something that's happened to me for a while, now that I think about it. I have taken some advanced programming classes at community colleges etc. (because they don't offer higher level programming at our high school), and even when I did well in the classes my dad dismissed it as "probably copying." When he found out that I was applying with computer science/engineering to some schools, he got angry and told me that he wouldn't pay my college tuition if I didn't do something else. The problem is that for FAFSA, they look at your parents' income, and so I wouldn't get a huge amount of financial aid because I am considered dependent...</p>

<p>I'm not sure what to do anymore... I really want to do something in the math/engineering/CS, etc. field. This is what I am most interested in, and while I have taken courses in other areas, they have just not interested me as much (it actually shows accordingly on my GPA...). I don't think I would enjoy it/college as much doing something I'm not interested in. However, my dad has made it clear that I shouldn't be doing engineering and do something else, and no matter what I say, he says I'm mistaken/don't understand what I really like because girls can't like engineering. </p>

<p>I decided to post this here because I was wondering if anyone had been in a similar situation/what you ended up doing. Any suggestions/ideas? Thanks.</p>

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<p>Female engineering majors are in high demand by colleges. Do well on your SATs and math and science SAT II tests, and apply carefully selecting schools where your stats are above their norm and that have merit aid, and you may get some sweet merit aid that – possibly with minimal loans – would allow you to go to college as an engineering major.</p>

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<p>Scissor kick your father in the face and steal his checkbook</p>

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<p>

Hah. Have you talked to anyone at your school about this, like a counselor or principal or teacher? They might be able to help. In the meantime, do what Northstarmom suggested and beast on your math/science stuff.</p>

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<p>Yea, I am actually a senior already applying. Throughout HS I have done well on all the math/science courses I’ve taken, but it is the other ones that have really pulled my GPA down. Last year/year before, I wanted to try to show to my dad that I was not only more interested in these courses but also much better at them… so I slacked off in the non math/science courses and did poorly in them. Stupid choice I know (needless to say it didn’t work because my dad just dismissed me as being lazy in the courses I did poorly in and lucky in the math/science courses I did well in)… since then, I tried in all my courses and my GPA is far higher. My SAT I math score is the highest out of all the sections, and I’ve taken harder courses not offered at my school at a community college (the classes were $30-40 which I paid for myself… didn’t actually reveal I was taking a multivariable calculus course to my dad because I knew it wouldn’t go over well). </p>

<p>I applied to some schools that I think could give me some decent merit aid, and I did apply to some better/reach schools… but we’ll see what happens =/. I don’t know if I could go to these schools even on the off chance that I got in.</p>

<p>edit: Also, our school is pretty big so there’s like 2-3 counselors for 2000+ students. So each counselor can’t really give much individual attention. I did kind of mention it to my Calculus BC teacher last year who couldn’t really do anything about it, but wrote me a really good rec in the hope that it could help me somehow.</p>

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<p>Wow. My best friend from high school (and this is the dark ages…we graduated in 1978) is a mechanical engineer and has an excellent career with the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. Her dad was also an engineer and encouraged her to go this route as she was very strong in math. Have a heart to heart with your dad and try to get to the root of this. That is like a saying a woman shouldn’t be a physician.</p>

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<p>I have been in the similar but different topic situation. In my case, my dad won’t let me go to study in US (I’m int’l). He said that I am too young and since I’m a girl, it will be very dangerous. In my country, studying undergrad at my country and studying master at other country are what people think “appropriate” but not going to other country since undergrad. I had hard time yet still looking for colleges in US (luckily that my dad can’t read/understand English so he does not really know what I was seraching).</p>

<p>Even though right now he still doesn’t want me to go, he kinda gives up on keeping me here. We talked several times (more like debate) about every concern he has. When he talked about one problem, I would just say(argue) back. For example, when he talked about safety, I mentioned about school police, etc.</p>

<p>I can see the “misconception” in your father: girls can’t like engineering. If I were you, I would just talk to your dad, asking why you can’t do engineering, telling that you really like it(+ giving example for some successful female engineers), and that you can prove how good you are at this. I think your homeroom/counselor can also help you. If your school has parents meeting, ask your homeroom/counselor to help you at this point. Since they are adult, I believe what they say would persuade your dad better than you does.</p>

<p>hope this help. :)</p>

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<p>As a last resort, you could major in physics or pure math and perhaps minor in computer science. Although, I’ll warn you, being a pure math major isn’t for everyone.</p>

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<p>If you think it’s worthwhile, talk to him. Personally, my father hasn’t changed his mind since September 27th 1972 at 3:43 in the afternoon, when he decided to go for a Dr. Pepper rather than a Coke, so I know that trying to get him to change his mind on something big would be a waste of both my and his time. I’m being a bit facetious, but you get my point.</p>

<p>I think I would have an undeclared major and see if when you’re a bit more of an adult, in your sophomore year and want to declare engineering, your father might say “Well, I don’t want it for you, but I can’t stop you now.”</p>

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<p>Every dad I know would be thrilled if his daughter wanted to major in engineering.
Three cheers for employment!</p>

<p>Talk to your mom and enlist her to get him on board. What’s wrong with this man?! :wink: j/k </p>

<p>Another male friend of your dad’s might also be influential. I can’t believe there would be two guys who think like he does in the same county!</p>

<p>Clearly, he has some catching up with the 20th century to do before you go heading off to college.</p>

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<p>I am going to guess that your father is from a different culture?</p>

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<p>Apply to Cooper Union, if you get in tell him that if he lets you major in Engineering, all he is on the hook for is room, board, books and student fees.</p>

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<p>I’m not sure logic or practical information will persuade someone like your father, but perhaps some ‘legwork’ on your part can provide information that may get your father to rethink his (ridiculous) position.</p>

<p>Start with google. There are professional associations for women engineers; check their websites and see if you can find some useful data about careers, employment rates, that sort of thing.</p>

<p>Search the faculty web sites of some of the schools you are considering. Most engineering faculties include some females now. Some of them have interesting histories, for example, former employees of NASA. Even if their careers have been exclusively academic, many are involved in very interesting work. Computer science and engineering are often combined for robotics research, and I’ve come across books and articles by numerous female robotics experts in recent years. Try to dig up some info on people who you think might impress your father.</p>

<p>I’m telling you the following anecdote, not because it will have an impact on your dad, but for you. A very good friend of mine is a PhD engineer. She worked at very well-paying jobs before her kids were born, then worked part-time as a consultant from home when the kids were small. When they got a bit older, she returned part-time at the office, and now is back to full-time. No breaks in the career. She is very well paid, and has been involved in some of the famous and well-known construction projects in the news in recent years.</p>

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<p>You have my sympathy. My recommendation would be to avoid fighting battles that you don’t have to fight. Since you don’t need to declare an engineering major to apply to college, nor declare in your first two years, apply to schools with strong engineering programs and indicate that you are undecided. Don’t argue with your father at this point.</p>

<p>Once you are in school, take the engineering pre-reqs (math, physics, etc…) as well as the usual distribution requirements in the humanities and let your advisor know that you are potentially an engineer, if your father can be persuaded. When the time comes, at the end of your second year, that you need to declare a major, that is the time to face your father, with your hopefully excellent grades in the pre-engineering required courses, paid summer internship, and the support of the engineering faculty at your school.</p>

<p>My room-mate and her father had a major disagreement about her continuing her education at our university as she entered her junior year, not because of grades but because of his need to control her decisions about her educational choices. The school ended up providing her with sufficient financial aid to graduate without his financial support-which caused him to change his mind. He was not a bad person, but he was wrong. My room-mate is a highly successful professional in her field today and any parent would be proud of her.</p>

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<p>“You have my sympathy. My recommendation would be to avoid fighting battles that you don’t have to fight. Since you don’t need to declare an engineering major to apply to college, nor declare in your first two years, apply to schools with strong engineering programs and indicate that you are undecided. Don’t argue with your father at this point.”</p>

<p>This could keep her from getting the excellent merit aid that many colleges provide for incoming engineering students, particularly female engineering students.</p>

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<p>You could indicate to colleges that you are interested in Engineering, but considering your situation, you cannot declare it as your major at this time.</p>

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<p>There are some excellent scholarships available for engineering students. In some cases, the loans she’d have to take out to pay for her education would be minimal, and would be loans she could take out on her own.</p>

<p>“Meyerhoff Scholars Program [At University of Maryland-Baltimore County, named an up and coming university by US News]
The Meyerhoff Scholarship Program was created at UMBC in 1988 with a grant from the Robert and Jane Meyerhoff Foundation. The program supports students who plan to pursue doctoral study in the sciences or engineering and who are interested in the advancement of minorities in those fields. Meyerhoff Scholars are twice as likely to graduate with a science or engineering major than students who decline the scholarship offer. Their GPAs in science, math and engineering are higher, and they are significantly more likely to enroll in a graduate program in a technical field. The program has been recognized by the National Science Foundation and The New York Times as a national model.
Award Benefits and Application
Awards range from $5,000-$22,000 per year for four years. The Meyerhoff Selection Committee considers students’ academic performance, standardized test scores, recommendation letters and community service. Scholars are selected for their interests in the sciences, engineering, mathematics or computer science and plans to pursue a Ph.D. or combined M.D./Ph.D. in the sciences or engineering. Students must be nominated by their high school administrators, guidance counselors or teachers. Nomination information is sent to high schools or may be requested from the Meyerhoff office. The Meyerhoff application deadline is December 1. Students must also submit an application for undergraduate admission and are encouraged to take advantage of the early action admissions deadline of November 1.”</p>

<p>[UMBC:</a> Undergraduate Admissions. Learn/Meyerhoff Scholars Program](<a href=“http://www.umbc.edu/undergraduate/learn/meyerhoff.html]UMBC:”>http://www.umbc.edu/undergraduate/learn/meyerhoff.html)</p>

<p>University of Alabama
“An out-of-state first-time freshman student who meets the December 1st scholarship priority deadline, has a 32-36 ACT or 1400-1600 SAT score and at least a 3.5 cumulative GPA will be selected as a Presidential Scholar and will receive the value of out-of-state tuition for four years.”
[Out-of-State</a> Scholarships - Undergraduate Scholarships - The University of Alabama](<a href=“http://scholarships.ua.edu/types/out_of_state.html]Out-of-State”>http://scholarships.ua.edu/types/out_of_state.html)</p>

<p>At Michigan Tech:</p>

<p>"Leading Scholar Program—Awarded competitively to high school seniors with exemplary leadership attributes and outstanding scholarly achievement. An essay and teacher nomination is due by October 15 of your senior year. Full out-of-state tuition. </p>

<p>[Scholarships</a> | Michigan Tech Admissions](<a href=“Undergraduate Admissions | Michigan Technological University”>Undergraduate Admissions | Michigan Technological University)</p>

<p>Case Western Reserve</p>

<p>“Alexander A. Treuhaft Memorial Scholarship
Established by the Treuhaft Foundation in honor of Alexander A. Treuhaft, this full-tuition scholarship is offered to outstanding first-year applicants in science and engineering. All first-time undergraduate applicants who meet the scholarship criteria are automatically considered for this award.
Milton A. and Roslyn Z. Wolf Scholarship
Consisting of full-tuition, room, board, fees, books, and elective summer experiences that provide complementary life-shaping practical knowledge, the Milton A. and Roslyn Z. Wolf Scholarship is a four-year scholarship awarded based first upon character or a student’s demonstrated potential to be a leader and “make a difference in the world” and secondly upon their academic performance, intellect and accomplishments. Scholarship Information and Application”
[Scholarships[/url</a>]</p>

<p>University of Pittsburgh is known for being generous to high stat students, offering scholarships that include full tuition and room and board: [url=<a href=“http://www.oafa.pitt.edu/universityschlrs.aspx]University”>Office of Admissions and Financial Aid | University of Pittsburgh]University</a> of Pittsburgh: Undergraduate Admissions & Financial Aid](<a href=“http://admission.case.edu/admissions/finaid/scholarships/]Scholarships[/url”>http://admission.case.edu/admissions/finaid/scholarships/)</p>

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<p>Thanks a lot for all the posts!</p>

<p>To Erin’s dad: No, I’m not of a different culture… actually, when I did point out to my dad that there were girls taking the engineering courses he dismissed it as “them being of a different culture where things are different” (most of the girls were Asian/South Asian). </p>

<p>I’ll definitely look into these scholarships; I’ve started looking through a bunch of them right now. I guess I can always be undeclared and declare myself later, and try to raise enough money in 2 years that could help reasonably get me through, etc. But some schools do have a separate college of engineering which is hard to go into.</p>

<p>I think it’s pretty much useless trying to persuade my dad, because he just won’t see it from my point of view. I’m planning to get a decent paying job (I applied for one at a nearby company that I think I can get; it basically requires that you be able to program well) and try to raise money this way as well.</p>

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<p>How involved is your dad in your admissions process? Is it possible to conceal the fact that you’re indicating your interest in engineering as a major?</p>

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<p>Unless your father reads over your application, he wouldn’t know what you’ve indicated is your intended major. Most parents aren’t that involved. It’s also not as if the schools announce to parents what their kids majors are. Colleges can only provide parents info about students’ progress, majors, etc. if the student signs to allow the parents access to such info.</p>

<p>Usually, the only time that one’s major is announced is at graduation, where many colleges list students’ majors along with their degrees.</p>

<p>All of this is a big reason to back off the fight with your dad.</p>

<p>If you manage to get full ride scholarships, you can go to college without your parents’ help. One of my former students parents didn’t want him to go to the college where I taught. The student received a full ride scholarship from the college and went anyway to the college. He had to take a bus because his parents weren’t speaking to him and refused to transport him.</p>

<p>Long before graduation, he had excelled in his major including having met the president of the U.S. twice. His parents were so proud of him that they threw him a graduation party and publicly apologized for not wanting him to go to the college.</p>

<p>A few weeks ago, I had dinner with my former student and his family, and his parents treated my husband (who also taught the student) and I like royalty.</p>

<p>Parents really can change their viewpoints. You have to have the guts, though, to find a way to pursue the career that interests you.</p>