Daily Essay Practice

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Okay then, thank you for your insight. :) I'll try to put another essay up today, and see if I could edge my way into writing a full essay.</p>

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<p>I know it's been a long time since I last posted an essay (I'm hoping to post one everyday now), but here it is. Please provide me with feedback; I'm eager for some advice and a way to learn from my mistakes. There are some prompts (like the one I used for my last essay) that are easy for me to write and find examples for but there are others where 1. They are boring and hard for me to find examples for and 2. Are okay but for some reason I cannot find any good-fitting example inside my head for it! So I'm hoping someone could help me out.</p>

<p>Here goes.</p>

<p>Prompt: The old adage "blood is thicker than water" suggests that family bonds ("blood" relationships) are stronger and more important to people than bonds with friends ("water" relationships). For example, if your brother or sister becomes embroiled in a bitter dispute with one of your friends, you are likely to side with your sibling, regardless of who is in the right. Friends will come and friends will go, but your family will always be there for you. </p>

<p>Assignment: Do you think that family relationships are more improtant than relationships with friends?</p>

<hr>

<p>"Blood is thicker than water" - and family relationships are truthfully stronger than friendships. While one may make a friend or two throughout his or her own lifetime, family members and relatives such as parents, siblings, uncles, and cousins are a part of one's entire lifetime. Family can always be there for us in times of trouble and need, while friends just give a backdrop of support and encouragement. This particular aspect is evidentially shown through both literature and the real world.</p>

<p>One such example that helps to support this viewpoint could be found in "Harry Potter and the Prisioner of Azkaban" the third tale in renowned 7 aventured saga by J.K. Rowling. As readers learned from the last two books, Harry Potter had lost his parents when he was only an infant - and as he grew older, he came to value family with a deep yearning to have - at least - someone close to his own family. This is when he discovers his godfather, Sirius Black. Harry is then overjoyed and delighted that he actually has someone close to his family that cares about him and still looks out for him. Although Harry has many friends to comfort him at times of need, the existance of someone close to his family is more than he could ever ask for.</p>

<p>Besides Harry Potter and his fictional world, many people in our world too also consider family members to be closer than friends. Our parents are here to teach us right from wrong, to love and care for us, and to educate us until we are grown to educate ourselves.</p>

<p>This is why "blood is thicker than water" -</p>

<hr>

<p>Yeah, I know. It's horrible. :/ I guess it's what I get for neglecting SAT studying for so many days. Comments? Critiques?</p>

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<p>Tsenguun: first essay is a 4 or 5. Don't expose your own thoughts on the Iraq war. You might hate it, but what if the reader of your essay supports the war? You need to speak from a perspective that respects the opinions of others. I was Ok with your essay at first and then when I read it your essay dropped immediately from a 10-11 to a 5-6.</p>

<p>ToHarvardIHope: Your essay was overall very good: a 10, I'd say. The real problem was that your first body paragraph was too confusing and did not seem to back up your thesis. </p>

<p>GardenMaiden: Essay about hard work and luck: That essay is a 9. Your introduction is very good. First body paragraph, well, you probably know that in the end Gatsby never got Daisy, who represented the unattainable in the novel. The readers probably know that. "Had he not done this..." Good. Too many people would go on without this necessary sentence. You're probably aware that your second body paragraph was too short. Go into more detail, more examples. If you couldn't think of anything to say (you should always try to fill in the two pages given), you could talk about the fact that a lot of scientific breakthroughs and inventions were accidental and not through hard work. You could have written an entire paragraph about it, saying that although there were several inventions made by luck, blah and blah and blah and blah. Your second body paragraph brought your score down.</p>

<p>sleepy: I agree. I read that the most-cited novel in college admissions essays is The Great Gatsby! Let's show some originality and creativity!</p>

<p>GardenMaiden: I have to say it: I am sick of these formulaic essays. They are so conventional, so "playing it safe," and so very boring. Your reader has probably gotten tired with the same, dull intro variation. Blah, blah, thesis, This is exemplified in literature as well as in history. </p>

<p>No, no, no, no! Honestly, you've spent 25 minutes on an SAT essay and the best you can come up with is this? You really didn't have an argument. You basically said, "Harry Potter loved his friends but he missed his family even more. After he reunited, he was really happy." Disaster! This essay is a 4-5 out of 12. At least your intro was fine. You could have created something much more compelling if you had given us examples of when family is needed over friends. Your family has been with you for your entire life. They take care of you. They changed your diapers. They cooked for you. They prepared you for the world. They are with you all the way. Your friends can be great people, but when you're aching for somebody to talk to you when you're lonely, you turn to your family first. Give examples of that. That would make a convincing argument. The saying goes, "Home is where the heart is."</p>

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<p>


</p>

<p>Wow, thank you so much for such a detailed analyzation! :D Yeah, I know; that last one was really bad..I don't know. I really have this problem: If the prompt is really interesting and easy to write about, I produce a great essay. Ex. Success, happiness, friendship, etc. But if the prompt is so boring that it will literally put me to sleep, my essay comes out poorly! Ex. government, community issues, and other things along the lines of that. Do you have any tips to overcome this type of problem?! D: I got an 8 on my Essay for my first June SAT - and I'm trying so hard to overcome this and get at least a 10!</p>

<p>Like today for example. Today's essay prompt was marvelous; it was about success and I had no problem whipping up an essay in 25 minutes (though I was off a few words in my conclusion when the time ended!). I actually think that this one turned out better than yesterdays. Have a look:</p>

<p>Prompt: 1. Success in life is largely a matter of luck. It has little correlation with merit, and in all fields of life there have always been people of great merit who did not succeed. </p>

<p>Karl Popper, Popper Selections</p>

<pre><code> 2. As Colin Powell said, "There are no secrets to success. Don't waste time looking for them. Success is the result of preperation, hard work, and learning from failure."
</code></pre>

<p>Adapted from Barry Farber, "Selling Points".</p>

<p>Assignment: Is success in life earned or do people succeed because they are lucky? </p>

<hr>

<p>Success in life and the desire to achieve a life long dream can only be gained through hard work and mistakes. "There are no secrets to success", as Colin Powell once remarked. One has to go through the process of identifying his or her yearned accomplishments, and then take a shot at them with consistent work and motivation. Success comes only to those who strive for it; those who are lackadaisical and depend solely on "luck" will never achieve such glorious satisfaction. </p>

<p>One particular example that helps to support this viewpoint is found in "The Great Gatsby", a classic novel written by F. Scott Fitzgerald. In this renowned tale, the title protagonist Jay Gatsby gains the life of a wealthy "party man", living in opulence when he once lived a life of poverty and delusion. But how does Gatsby manage to gain such a rich status? By consistent work of course! After falling in love with the girl of his dreams, Gatsby decides to renovate his life - yes, by working feverishly and learning from his continuous flaws will Gatsby become rich and renowned. That success would come to him, and the girl of his dreams would fall for him once more. </p>

<p>Turning away from literature, we can see that the most prominent figures of our history also found their "spotlight" through continuous work. Award winning playwright Arthur Miller was successful in gaining the tuition he needed to enroll in the University of Michigan - by working with automobiles at a workstation for a long period of time. His success was granted later in his life as well, when Miller decided to write and produce several plays, many of which were shown on broadway. His hard work and determination is what gave him his such success in life.</p>

<p>Success in life is gained through repetitive work and practice. "Luck" can play no part in it; it is those who strive through</p>

<hr>

<p>That's it. Please tell me what you think! Have I improved?</p>

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<p>Intro: Good
Body 1: Good. I'd want to see some more detail. You said that he got rich through hard work, like what? For instance, you could add one or two sentences saying that he did blah, and then say clearly what the result was.
Body 2: It's an interesting example, but it doesn't work too well. You said that Arthur Miller worked hard to eventually get the tuition needed to attend the University of Michigan, but his success in his plays was probably not due to simply going to the University of Michigan. Here you could have made a better argument by talking about these related topics: You could say that when college students are trying to pay tuition, they pay it through hard work (jobs, etc.). Also, you could say that it takes lots of hard work, tenacity, and learning from failure in order to write such great plays. If you use the last example, going by the idea that you should go into detail, you'd say that future playwrights and authors have to do lots of writing and rewriting, they have to be constantly criticized, they have to spend a very long time and not give up in order to be really successful.</p>

<p>Conclusion: Ideally, your conclusion should recap your examples too. So you would restate the thesis, then remind us of your main points, and then conclude with a lingering sentence.</p>

<p>Overall, your essay is pretty good. </p>

<p>Reminders: Your intro is excellent. Your first body paragraph is very good--going into a bit more detail with what the hard work and the consequences of it were would have made it excellent. Your second body paragraph is good, but you should try to connect Arthur Miller's going to UMichigan to his future success in his plays. Reread it again and you'll probably see what I mean. Your conclusion is average--probably everyone's going to have a conclusion like yours. Also, if you can, try to vary sentence structure. I know it's hard because it's not something you do all the time when you're just trying to write, but it helps, and it does matter in your final score.</p>

<p>I'd give it a 10, maybe a 9.</p>

<p>Score:</p>

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<p>Thank you for your feedback once again! I'll try to employ it into my future essay responses. Time is a big downer for me, so whenever I get to the third paragraph, I rush to finish. I'll try harder next time.</p>

<p>Well, I wrote two essays today. Tell me what you think.</p>

<p>First Essay:</p>

<p>Prompt: An actor, when his cue came, was unable to move onto the stage. He said, "I can't get in, the chair is in the way." And the producer said, "Use the difficulty. If it's a drama, pick the chair up and smash it. If it's a comedy, fall over it." From this experience, the actor concluded that in any situation in life that is negative, there is something positive you can do with it. </p>

<p>Adapted from Lawrence Eisenberg, "Caine Scrutiny"</p>

<p>Assignment: Can any obstacle or disadvantage be turned into something good?</p>

<hr>

<p>There are terrible situations that many of us deal with throughout our lives - despite how horrible they may be, there is always some way to change it for the better. Just like the actor, who made good use of the obstacle that was before him, we too are also able to make use of the "devastating" issues in our lives, and we too can turn things around. If we just put our hearts and thoughts into what we truly want most, the problems that were once troubling us before will become insignificant. Things could really become better then they had seemed to be. </p>

<p>One particular example that helps to support this viewpoint would be found in "Sunlit Shadows", a literary classic written by Roy S. Guttenburg. In this heartwarming tale, the title protagonist Rhonda Williams is destined to embark on a extraordinary and yet dangerous adventure to encover her mother's legendary treasure. This is no easy task, as Rhonda faces off treacherous landscapes and enimies who are after the treasure. Nevertheless, Rhonda puts her heart and effort into making such obstacles turn to her advantage. With her instinct in survival skills and practice with weaponry, Rhonda changes things for the better and is able to retrieve her mother's treasure at last. </p>

<p>Although our lives are not as adventerous as Rhonda's, we are often caught within dire situations, and are often able to turn outcomes for the better. To become</p>

<hr>

<p>I couldn't finish this one. Again, a not so great topic for me to write about. :|</p>

<p>Second Essay:</p>

<p>Prompt: A colleague of the great scientist James Watson remarked that Watson was always "lounging around, arguing about problems instead of doing experiments." He concluded that "There is more than one way of doing good science." It was Watson's form of idleness, the scientist went on to say, that allwed him to solve "the greatest of all biological problems: the discovery of the structure of DNA." It is a point worth remembering in a society overly concerned with efficiency.</p>

<p>Assignment: Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way?</p>

<hr>

<p>To achieve our life long dreams and goals and accomplish things that we've yearned to accomplish, one must break free of constraints and establish things in their own way. By deciding and creating our own ideas, we could live unlimited lives, and our desires could be achieved more quickly. If one were to follow a routine that is forever limited and boring, then his or her successes will never be obtained. This particular aspect is evidentially shown in both literature and the real world.</p>

<p>One such instance that successfully supports this issue is found in the classic tale of "The Great Gatsby", a novel written by F. Scott Fitzgerald. In this unforgettable story, the title protagonist Jay Gatsby is successfully able to achieve a life glorified by opulence and wealth - just by doing things his own way. Instead of following up with his poor family life, Gatsby takes things into his own hands when he meets a wealthy man by the name of Alan. The two befriend each other, and soon after Alan dies, Gatsby finds himself inheriting some of his money. After much work, Gatsby is finally able to live a mansion and host parties all night long. Had he constrained himself with his povertic life, Gatsby wouldn't be able to achieve success at all. </p>

<p>Aside from Gatsby's fictionalized life, there are also many of us today who'd rather take their lives into their own hands. Homeschooling is another successful example - students, who decide to learn on their own accord are more prone to learning more of a subject than those who attend a community public school. There education is in their hands and their choices are unlimited.</p>

<hr>

<p>For this essay, I didn't get to finish the third body paragraph (again) or write a conclusion. 25 minutes is just too short for me to write a decent essay..or is it because I spend so much time on the second body paragraph?</p>

<p>That's it for today. What do you think?</p>

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<p>garden....where do you get your essay prompts? I would like to get prompts so i can practice too..</p>

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<p>akati: I get my prompts from all the QaS's I've obtained. I gather up all the prompts from each test into one pile and I try to practice one or two timed essays everyday.</p>

<p>I don't know if you have any QaS SAT tests or not. I have Oct 2005, 2006, and January 2006. I could give them to you (and to anyone else) if you don't have them.</p>

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<p>Score: 10-11</p>

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<p>Thank you.</p>

<p>Anyone else?~</p>

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<p>buuuumpppp</p>

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<p>Hi, sorry to intrude but I would like to ask sth about SAT essays, and thought this would be the best thread to address.</p>

<p>Basically, the smaller I write, the faster I write. The problem is that everyone says we should try to fill in the two pages. Although my essays are usually 350 words to 380 words long (sometimes standard for 10-11 essays), I never manage to fill the two pages because I write small.
Do you think I should write bigger, or do you think that it is OK to cover only 1 page and a 1/3 by writing small (legibly)?</p>

<p>Any insights are welcome.</p>

<p>BTW, Garden Maiden, I really think you have great style in your essays. However, the fact you don't develop enough your examples can seriously penalize you. Do you have difficulty finishing because you write slowly, or because you spend too much time planning? Personally, on SAT essays, I take 2 min. planning (finding stance, examples, argument) and that's all. I spend approximately 20-21 minutes writing (which is largely sufficient to write a solid essay 350 words) and 2 min. proofreading.</p>

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<p>Watson&Crick: OMG, how dare you interrupt my thread! That's so rude! Make your own, why don't you; I made this thread to post my daily essay practice for improvement and here you just post a question that has no relation to critique or help! What is wrong with you?!</p>

<p>JUST KIDDING, JUST KIDDING! :D I hope you don't blow up on me or anything!</p>

<p>Seriously, it's no problem at all. There's no intrudement involved; you're more than welcome to post your questions relating to the SAT Essay. Hmm, I think with your case, you might want to try and increase the size of your writing by a SMIDGE. Not too big that it's so slow for you to even write an essay in time; just a size that still looks write you're small writing (even if you've increased the size) and a size that still allows you to write fast. </p>

<p>However, you may want to consider keeping your smaller size. I don't know about you, but I've heard from many people that one of the things essay writers judge about your essay is the length. For my first SAT, I wrote about a full page and a half in length, and I got an 8. I think it was partly on length, but I'm not really sure. Here, have a look:</p>

<p><a href="http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/4923/essayimageactionit5.jpg%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/4923/essayimageactionit5.jpg&lt;/a>
Second Part: <a href="http://img114.imageshack.us/img114/2243/essayimageaction2sc7.jpg%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://img114.imageshack.us/img114/2243/essayimageaction2sc7.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>At least that's what I think. But you don't have to take my word for it; go with your instincts and see what works best for you.</p>

<p>As for me, I'm hoping for a little advice! Today's essay prompt was a bummer - it stunk! I think my essay didn't turn out too good:</p>

<p>Prompt: Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. People think that to hide one's thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.</p>

<p>Assignment: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?</p>

<hr>

<p>No matter how open our society is today - "confessional and self-expressive" as they put it - we should always keep our true feelings public, not conceal them. "Honesty is the best policy" as they say; by keeping our honesty intact within our emotions, opinions, and outlooks, we are giving out our thoughts to the world around us, no matter how good or bad they may be. If we were to give out lies towards the expressive culture around us, then certain outcomes could occur - outcomes that we'd least desire to occur. This particular aspect is evidentially shown through both literature and the world around us.</p>

<p>"Princess Acadamy", a wonderful classic written by Shannon Hale is one such example that helps to illistrate this viewpoint. In this fantasy tale we find Britta, a lowlander girl who comes to live on Mount Eskel one summer afternoon. After a couple of months, it is announced that the prince from the kingdom is destined to choose a princess from the village, and that all the village girls are to attend an academy to be readied for the prince. Britta soon attends, befriends a girl named Miri, and acts like she knows nothing about lowlander life - or the prince for that matter. But we soon learn, to our awe, that Britta was lying, and knew of the prince since her childhood years. All lies and "pretend" situations go against her as this truth is revealed, that Britta had actually wanted to marry the prince for so long. Had Britta told the truth from the start, she would've saved trouble for all the other girls at the academy.</p>

<p>Aside from lowlanders and princes, many people in our societies are often caught lying - attempting to hide their private thoughs - but to their horror, they often find their secrets revealed. Celebrities are one good example of this case; they could often</p>

<hr>

<p>Yup, that's it. I don't know why it's so hard for me to finish a decent essay in 25 minutes - the prompt may be dull and so boring at times but still! I'm sure I could conjure something up for them! I know I don't take too long planning; my outlines are always simple and look like this:</p>

<p>I. I agree</p>

<p>ex 1 - The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald</p>

<p>ex 2 - Important figures in history</p>

<p>II. Restate</p>

<p>I don't want to take too long to plan, because I don't want to waste time. I'm sure I don't write too slowly - unless my hands cramp! - but maybe on an average level. I don't know; I guess it's because when I write the essay - despite the early plan of examples - I sometimes take awhile to think of something to write, or what sentence to write up next. Maybe it's because I spend too much time on the intro + first body paragraph. It could be a lot of things!</p>

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<p>Actually I think your intro and 1st example is real good (style, balance etc...) and that you should keep it as it is. Starting the way you do it can help you grab the elusive 12. If it's a timing problem, then I would advise you not to try to be too insightful or complex: try to be clear to yourself and know how to paraphrase your feelings and you will be clear to the reader. Remember that a 12 essay is the one that not necessarily gives insightful (although CB claims it should be insightful, insightful my foot!) arguments, but the one that makes their arguments convincing by providing good and DETAILED (pertinent) examples. In my opinion, you don't have to write as well in the examples as you have to do in the conclusion or intro (timesaving tip). </p>

<p>Usually, I try to cruise on the examples/narratives for diction and wording since paraphrasing real evidence is kind of easy (though try to give 1 or 2 pertinent and well-worded comments for each examples)
Also, remember that your conclusion is the LAST and most important impression you give to your reader: be consistent and persuasive (Maybe even solemn or have a wise tone) It's where you can point out the importance of your argument/thesis, how it may be applied in the future, what deficiencies in society should be corrected etc... I don't know your word count but I think 350 or more is good enough for a high scoring essay
Just my 2 cent. I may be wrong.</p>

<p>PS: I write smaller that you do, but my letters are less "round." Don't know if it's good or not, but if I wrote as big as you do, I think I could fill in the 2 pages.</p>

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<p>Thank you so much for the advice, Watson&Crick. :) I will try to apply it to my essays from now on.</p>

<p>Alrighty, here's my essay for today. I think I did pretty well.</p>

<p>Prompt: Many people believe that "closed doors make us creative". These people argue that obstacles and restrictions are necessary, for without them we would never be forced to come up with new solutions. But "closed doors", either in the form of specific obstacles or a lack of opportunities, often prevent people from reaching their full potential.</p>

<p>Assignment: Do closed doors make us creative?</p>

<hr>

<p>"Closed doors", no matter what form or situation they come in, will never make us creative. Obstacles, restrictions, lack of imagination - these things can all be detrimental to one's own unique thought and, instead of creating something magnificant, can warp our reality. Only the outside world and it's contents can add on to our limitless imaginations - ideas like no other could develop from the many insperational sources found around us; a bird perhaps, maybe a tree. This is what causes us to become creative; obstacles and inefficient situations would only harm the path of such ideas.</p>

<p>One particular example that helps to support this issue is found in "Sunlit Shadows" a fictional tale writtin by Roy S. Guttenburg. In this novel, the title protagonist Rhonda Williams has a passion for art, especially painting. Her insperations are drawn from the natural world that surrounds her and not from the devastating news she so often hears occuring in her homeland. The "open" world around her is so full of life, and her paintings portray them quite well. Rhonda doesn't reside in "closed doors"; if she were to mark each restriction and each obstacle as a new oppurtunity to develop creative ideas for her artwork, it would only depress her and make her feel upset. "Closed doors" would never do anything but make one miserable.</p>

<p>Aside from Rhonda's creative passion, there are many prominent men throughout history who have worked without "closed doors" intruding their thoughs. Arthur Miller is one such example. When Miller was in his early adult years, he needed a large tuition to go to college. As a solution to this issue, Miller got to work at an automobile station for quite awhile. His experiences there as a young adult are what inspired him to write one of his early award-winning plays. Instead of establishing his creativity from "closed doors", Miller sought it from his experiences through everyday life. </p>

<p>Both Arthur Miller and Rhonda Williams sought their creativity</p>

<hr>

<p>Yup, that's it. <em>never gets to finish the conclusion</em>. Any thoughts?</p>

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<p>Bump ten charas.</p>

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<p>garden...do memorize all those quotes....btw can you read my essays?
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=379882%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=379882&lt;/a>
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=381786%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=381786&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>Great style, once again (I couldn't do better) Perhaps add 1 or two sentence to the 2nd example. You could curtail your intro by 1 sentence to have more time to add the "BANG" to your conclusion (which I think will be more influential to the reader)</p>

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<p>i thought the highest essay score was a 6?</p>

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<p>ivyleague: two graders score the essay 1-6...then you combine the score (5+6=11)</p>