<p>Well, I haven't posted on my essay thread in a long time...I have a couple of practice essays that I wrote in the past couple of days and I'm hoping someone will be kind enough to look at them.</p>
<p>I know its really not fun to read essays or grade them (I hate it too), but I need some help! I really stink at grading my own essays and I need someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong and what I could improve in. I would go to a teacher and ask for help, but guess what? :B I'm homeschooled! </p>
<p>I feel like my essays aren't turning out so well right now (I'm not finishing them in time either), and I only have a month + one more week to prepare for my second SAT, so I'd really, REALLY appreciate the help! ;-;</p>
<p>My essays are shown below..I know most CC'ers don't like to grade essays, but I know there are some who do! Please help me out!</p>
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<p>First Essay: </p>
<p>Prompt: The advancements that have been made over the past hundered years or more are too numerous to count. But has there been progress? Some people would say that the vast number of advancements tells us we have made progress. Others, however, disagree, saying that more is not necessarily better and that real progress - in politics, literature, the arts, science and technology, or any other field - can be achieved only when an advancement truly improves the quality of our lives. </p>
<p>Assignment: Have modern advancements truly improved the quality of people's lives?</p>
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<p>Throughout the world today, many modern advancements in technology, art, literature, and science proved to have improved the quality of people's lives. Technology has developed things that were never even dreamed of, and so has improved our lives significantly. Without modern advancements, there would be no medicine to help cure the ill, no classics to read to children before bedtime, and no tools that can help build an idea for a business oppurtunity. Modern enhancements have certainly made some progress. This particular aspect is evidentially shown through real-world situations. </p>
<p>One example that helps to support this issue is found in the medical field. There are many diseases that can be cured or prevented from today then there were back in the 1800 - 1900s. Sicknesses such as Cholera, Tay Sachs disease and others used to be life threatening and deadly for many people. However, Since Technology has improved signifcantly within the last decade, progress has been made to find a cure to these illnesses. Naturally, the number of people who used to have</p>
<p>Yes. I didn't get to finish this one. -.-;</p>
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<p>Second Essay:</p>
<p>Prompt: Certainly anyone who insists on condemning all lies should think about what would happen if we could reliably tell when our family, friends, colleagues, and government leaders were deceiving us. It is tempting to think that the world would become a better place without the deceptions that seem to interfere with out attempts at genuine communication. On the other hand, perhaps there is such a thing as too much honesty.</p>
<p>Assignment: Would the world be a better place if everyone always told the complete truth?</p>
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<p>"Honesty is always the best policy" - we all have heard this phrase once or twice in our lives. While this tatement may be true in some cases, it is a saying that is fallible within certain situations. Lying, though not recommended by many, could perhaps be a better choice than the plain old truth at one point or another. The world would certainly not be a better place if everyone was honest all the time...sometimes deception is needed in order to motivate us, and help us acheieve our dreams and goals. Lying is an act that is shunned by many, but is ultimately able to help us during our times of need.</p>
<p>One example that aquedately helps to support this viewpoinit is found in Princess Acadamy by Shannon Hale. In this unforgettable story, the title protagonist Miri Laurendaughter is sent (along with a number of other girls) to an academy that readied up the girls for the expected arrival of a prince. In the academy, Miri is taught by a strict tutor who furiously grinds them with arduous work weeks before the prince's arrival. She shows Miri the picture of a beautiful home and declares that if she (or any other girl) became the prince's new princess, then she would be able to bring her family a long to live in the beautiful home that is shown the portrait. But as the story goes on, we soon find out</p>
<p>Again, didn't finish. >.< I think it's because I dozed off in my first example. Blah, I should be more consise instead of dreary and boring. </p>
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<p>Third Essay:</p>
<p>Prompt: It is not that people dislike bein part of a community; it is just that they care about their individual freedoms more. People value neighborliness and social interaction - until being part of a group requires them to limit their freedom for the larger good of the group. But a community or group cannot function effectively unless people are willing to set aside their personal interests. </p>
<p>Assignment: Does the success of a community - whether it is a class, a team, a family, a nation, or any other group - depend upon people's willingness to limit their personal interests?</p>
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<p>In order for a community to successfulloy accomplish their goals and dreams, the individuals that make up the community must set aside their own interests and put full attention toward their group. Whether the community is a family, a team, a class, or any other type of gathering, community "spirit" and the willingness to help can bring success right to everyone's door. If people just concentrated on their own individual freedoms and their own lives instead of working together and helping others, then what good is it to be in a community? By putting aside OUR needs are we able to make any type of group possible. </p>
<p>One particular aspect that supports this issue is Uglies by Scott Westerfeld. In this magnificant tale, the title protagonist Tally Youngblood lives in a world where normal people are considered "Ugly" - a world that allows you to undergo surgery when you turn 16 - and become remarkably beautiful. At first, Tally is excited, but things go wrong after a few things Tally's friend had done. She is not allowed to turn "pretty" at 16, until she finds the hideout Tally's friend had fled to. Tally reluctantly agrees to do as told, and once she's found the place, she must act like another refugee who had run away from the horrors of the surgery. There, Tally works with a community of people to establish their new land, though she's not a part of it, she sometimes leaves her task behind to help out in the community. She would rather leave her personal work to the side and go help out with those who want to live</p>
<p>AGAIN..didn't finish. I dozed off with the example. XP.</p>
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<p>Fourth and last essay:</p>
<p>Prompt: It is not true that prosperity is better for people than adversity. When people are thriving and content, they seldom feel the need to look for ways to improve themselves or their situation. Hardship, on the other hand, forces people to closely examine - and possible change - their own lives and even the lives of others. Misfortune rather than prosperity helps people to gain a greater understanding of themselves and the world around them. </p>
<p>Assignment: Do people truly benefit from hardship and misfortune?</p>
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<p>Within this vast and unprecedented world of ours, people are more likely to gain benefits from hardship and adversity than from opulence and wealth. Although a life of prosperity may seem attractive to many, an increase in wealth can ultimately change someone's life in a negative way. Misfortune, on the other hand, teaches us things that are truly important in life - things that much more valuable than gold or precious jewelery. "Hardship...forces people to closely examine - and possibly change - their own lives..." This aspect is evidentially illistrated throughout many works of literature.</p>
<p>One example that helps to support this issue is found in The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. In this classic tale, the title protagonist Jay Gatsby (after living through a childhood of poverty) decides to become wealthy. He excells in this attempt, but although opulence was beautiful to him at the time, Gatsby later realizes that it waszn't as great as it seemed to be. We later see how Gatsby's life was as a child - poverty, yes, but his character was incredibly strong. After Gatsby's tragic death, we realize that he had already thrown away his life as soon as he set foot on the wealth he desired.</p>
<p>Another illistrative example that supports this issue is found in Great Expectations by Charles Dickens.</p>
<p>This was today's essay. Couldn't finish this one either, but I think the wording turned out much better than my last essays - I still need to work harder though.</p>
<p>Well, that's that! I'm so sorry for such a long post...I'd really appreciate some feedback and tips on how to improve my essays. I know there's someone out there who likes to read essays..I'd really appreciate the help!</p>
<p>Thanks in advance.</p>
<p>-GMaiden</p>