Please grade my essay out of 12?

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below:</p>

<p>I do not feel terrible about my mistakes, though I grieve the pain they have sometimes caused others. Our lives are "experiments with truth," and in an experiment negative results are at least as important as successes. I have no idea how I would have learned the truth about myself and my calling without the mistakes I have made.</p>

<p>Adapted from Parker Palmer, Let your Life Speak </p>

<p>Assignment: Is it necessary to make mistakes, even when doing so has negative consequences for other people? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay: </p>

<pre><code> To experience and commit mistakes is to learn and gain. One should always commit mistakes in life, disregarding the negative consequences that will result. In works of literature such as The Great Gatsby and Lord of The Flies, mistakes were inevitabley necessary, despite the grieve they caused others.

In F.Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, Jay Gatsby was a poor soldier who sought to win the heart of Daisey, a woman of a rich family and high status. To do so, he had to boost his financial situation through illegal activities. After gaining a massive fortune, he succeeded in winning Daisey over. However, when Daisey discovered how he gained this fortune,she realized her mistake, and she had to undo it. Consequently, she left Jay and ran away with her husband. It was necessary for Daisey to experiment and see who her heart belongs to. Despite the misery Daisey brought upon Jay after leaving him, she had to make these mistakes.

Moreover, in Lord of the Flies, a froup of ten year old boys had to experiment and commit some errors. They were stranded on a deserted island without any adult supervision. Therefore, their fear and insecurity gave birth to anarchy and chaos. They commited terrible mistakes like betraying each other and breaking their unity. Multiple disputes took place, and they started to turn against each other. One fatal consequence of their mistakes was the deatn of one of the boys. Eventually, the boys learned their faults and started appreciating what they once took for granted. Although the boy's mistakes beought deatn upon one of them, these mistakes inevitabley had to occur for the boys to learn from.

Commiting mistakes is an unevitable route one has to take in his or her life to gain knowledge and experience. Despite the grieve and pain they might bring along to other people, mistakes are necessary. Therefore, one should commit mistakes, disregarding the consequences the will occur to others.
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<p>*tell me some tips as well.</p>

<p>I would give it a 8 or a 9. </p>

<p>Pros:

  • decent flow
  • not many syntactical errors
  • stays quite close to the prompt</p>

<p>Cons

  • Storytells. It doesn’t do much analysis of the actual prompt with your examples; it only states the examples.
  • several diction errors (grieve vs. grief)
  • so-so vocab
  • Errors in tense. Any time you are referencing literature characters (esp. fiction), you should use the present tense.</p>

<p>The essay is good but would be much better if it had some more analysis to it.</p>