Please Score This SAT Essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I just wrote this practice essay in the 25 minute restriction and I'd like to see what you guys think of it! I filled up the entire 2 sides. Score out of 6 or 12, I don't mind. Any advice is appreciated, especially from students or graders with SAT experience!
(copied letter for letter so no editing was made)</p>

<p>Prompt: "I am more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life, than on the nature of those events themselves"
Which do you think contributes more to personal happiness: what happens to you or the way you respond to what happens?</p>

<pre><code>Life is an unforgiving and relentless force, throwing obstacles and challenges for an individual to face. But it is ultimately one's choice and attitude towards those events that determines oneself's happiness. In literature and the real world, compelling examples can be found to support this.

In the classic novel, "Great Expectations," the audience is taken through the growth of a poor boy named Pip into a privaledged gentleman. After finally achieving his childhood dream, he suddenly discovers the identity of his financial benefactor. Although the realization that his supporter was in fact a criminal shocked him, he decided that it was his duty to aid him. Throughout his efforts, he lost his entire fortune and once highly esteemed social status. But he had challenged himself to give up material wealth to do what he felt was right. He chose how to handle that unexpected obstacle that life threw at him, and ultimately gained happiness.

In modern day society, a common problem that teens deal with is bullying. In a local paper, a high school student described his experiences with bullying. He recounted an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and depression, even considering suicide. But support from his peers and loved ones influenced him to choose how he handled his problems, and in the end find happiness.

Although the events encountered throughout life may have significant effects on an individual, one's attitude and perspective have the final say in happiness.
</code></pre>

2

<p>frankly I didnt like it
The examples given werent linked properly to the thesis
add few sentences to show why this example is relevant. I will help you with the second one.</p>

<p>In modern day society, a common problem that teens deal with is bullying. A friend of mine was bullied daily by his seniors. He was mocked for wearing nerdy clothes and stuttering. One would think that the boy has a pathetically miserable life. Someone to be pitied however everyday he would smile because even though every day he was bullied every day one person stood up to the bully for my friend. Every day my friend did not feel alone and felt he had friends. He was undoubtedly the happiest person in my school not because of what happened to him but how he chose to respond to the bullying not by self pitying like most teenagers but with believing in himself and his friends</p>

3

<p>Well, I think it should be 4-5 for following reasons:

  1. Not long enough. Typically, it needs 400+words to get >=5. The lack of examples clearly explains why. Two examples are not enough especially one is from you daily experience. Though CB doesn’t want to be accused of elitist, examples from daily life are not particularly encouraged.
  2. Poor elaboration. The author does recount the plots of the story but the analysis is adequate. With so few sentences to link the story to the thesis, this can hardly be graded as insightful.
  3. suggestion: gather more examples and demonstrate the logic connection between examples and thesis. usually, I do this by considering it like a mathematical problem and use words like therefore…</p>
4

<p>Thanks for your opinions and I definitely see how I could improve. I’m a little confused about it being too short, because I filled up the entire 2 sides. I don’t have extremely large handwriting so I’m not sure how I could make it longer. Any suggestions on how to make my sentences more concise or meaningful?</p>

5

<p>I’d give it a 6/12. I gave a similar essay the first time I took the SAT. :(</p>

<p>If you have time, could you score back though?
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1553045-please-grade-my-essay-1-12-ill-grade-back.html#post16375212[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1553045-please-grade-my-essay-1-12-ill-grade-back.html#post16375212&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;