<p>What concerns me about this situation is the slippery slope, foot-in-the-door scenario. What will happen when coach proposes changes (big or small) that OP doesn't want to make?</p>
<p>If that's the end of it, fine. But if Dad starts insisting that OP listen to the "professional", then the problem has gotten bigger. </p>
<p>So, if the coach is to be consulted, then, as others suggested above, IMO OP should seek an ironclad understanding with Dad that OP, and only OP, controls the essays; and that no one but OP will discuss the essays with anyone.</p>
<p>ADad - Thanks for your concern, and I'm worried about this as well. I certainly do plan on making my dad give me his word that he won't pressure me into always following the pro's advice if I don't see any benefit to it, but sometimes he doesn't always follow his word. I'm not going to give in on this one. (:</p>
<p>I am really disappointed in much of the advice given here. What's wrong with writing your own essay without professional help?? A college application is not supposed to be a group project. Equating an essay coach (or is it an essay editor or an essay writer?) with an athletic coach is a bogus analogy. I would liken it more to an athlete using performance enhancing drugs, or taking a shortcut in a road race. Every admissions officer says they want to hear the applicant's own voice, not the applicant's own voice polished to professional perfection. Some kids have their essays written by their parents or by professional essay writers. I think the OP has correctly identified a slippery slope, ie once you accept help and change anything of substance in your essay it becomes a little fuzzy as to what is yours and what is not yours. BTW, I don't really have a problem with kids getting help on their essays or applications, but if a kid wants to do it on his own I would let him.</p>
<p>You would let your kid, and that is perfectly fine. But Demeter has to deal with her dad. We're suggesting there are possibilities between allowing herself to be totally controlled by a writing coach and doing it entirely on her own. If it were Demeter's dad posting, I, for one, would have something different to say, such as let Demeter handle things the way she sees fit.</p>
<p>Demeter, for the most part, if you are accepted into a certain university, you deserve to be there. Admissions officers look at so much more than just the essays. However your fears are normal. I remember feeling the same way you do not too long ago, and I still wometimes wonder if I'm really cut out for this. However, I also remember that when I attended a small reception for admitted students in my area to my university, the admissions officer brought up this common fear. She basically stated that they wouldn't have accepted us had they thought we couldn't succeed in the university's environment.</p>
<p>Your father (parents) sound exactly like mine. When I wrote my college admissions essays, my father forced me to send it to other relatives, who then made fun of it and tried to alter it completely. I had talked to my dad before and he made the similar argument that "you can take what points you want to take," etc. In the end, though, he pressured me so much to change my essays that I did. I added in things that he wanted me to add in.</p>
<p>On the day that I sent in my college application, he sat besides me. I didn't want him to, but it wasn't my choice. He made sure I made the changes he wanted me to make, etc. etc.</p>
<p>END OF STORY is, I got into my university of choice. But, of course, my parents' attitude hasn't changed. In fact they bring my admissions essays quite often.</p>
<p>ADVICE: most probably, I suspect (and recommend) you just follow your parents' directions to get them off your back. HOWEVER, don't let them change your essays where you don't want them to be changed. PLEASE. I look back at my essays and feel foolish at some of the changes I made out of pressure. Do what you think is right, ultimately.</p>
<p>ALSO, fix the problem with your parents somehow. If they are like mine, they will insist that you call them daily in college and they will ask you what you ate, how much you exercised, etc.</p>
<p>Input from a kindred spirit is always helpful.</p>
<p>While my parents may not require me to call everyday, they probably will try to play a very big role in what I do in college. While advice is always appreciated, forced advice is not, necessarily. I will definitely work to fix this somehow.</p>
<p>Phew! I feel absolutely drained, like I just fought some epic battle. Maybe I have, within myself. I really appreciate all the advice and encouraging things people have said. And now, good night. (:</p>
<p>demeter, your dilemma reminds me of long, long ago when I applied to college. Back then computers didn't exist except in huge buildings. I handwrote my essay directly onto the application. My mother asked to read it before I sent it. Now I loved my mother dearly, and she was a wonderful mom, but she did have a disconcerting habit of criticizing something after it was too late to change it. I could just see her making suggestions about how my essay could have been better, and then I would have worried for the next several months that I should have written it differently. So I told her she couldn't read the essay. She immediately decided I must have said something bad about her in it (not true) and refused to pay my application fee. I didn't have much money myself, but I paid the fee and sent in the application, unread by Mother. By the time I received my acceptance letter, all was forgiven and forgotten. But it was quite traumatic at the time! (However, I was glad I stuck to my guns.)</p>
<p>Just to say, there may be more than one concern here. One, of course, is if the coach suggests changes, you refuse to change the essay, and your dad gets mad. The other may be more subtle, but still real. If the coach suggests changes and you don't make them, will you be wondering the next several months if you should have? Will this just plant doubts in your mind about the essay you were so happy with?</p>
<p>demeter - Family dynamics can be a really touchy area, and IMHO the varied advice given above may reflect the varied dynamics of the families. Responses by ADad and AstroFan reflect the dynamics in my father's family -- saying "No" anytime was a family fracturing event. I'm not saying your family dynamics are the same, but if they somehow are I do have some thoughts based on many years of reflection. First, kudos for your spirit of independence. This will serve you well in the future. Second, there are things worth arguing for and things that are not. A fair guideline might be "What would an objective third party think about this?" Meeting with the counselor is NOT an issue worth fighting for. Refusing to submit an essay that isn't "you" certainly IS worth fighting about. In other words, when you look back ten years from now you'd like to see that you fought for the right things -- those things that define "you" as a person. Good luck with this!</p>
<p>"But my parents recently received contact information for a college coach who's supposed to help with the essay."</p>
<p>I don't believe in taking something just because it's free. Before taking that coach that your dad is willing to pay for, find out about the coach's experiences and how exactly the coach works. Talk to some students whom the coach has worked with.</p>
<p>If I were to pay for a coach for my kids, I'd do those things, which is what I did when I got an SAT tutor for my son.</p>
<p>Frankly, if I were looking for a college coach, I'd use CC because I like the way the site is run, including the fact that I've seen no indication that CC's counselors do the work for the students: I think that the counselors give advice, and try to help the student honestly present themselves in the best light and find schools where the students would be fulfilled and happy.</p>
<p>I wouldn't want to pay for a coach that would be trying to push my kid into the most competitive college possible even if that wouldn't be a place where my kid would be happy. I also wouldn't want a coach to be basically writing my kid's application for him or forcing him to erase his own individuality from his application. Since lots of people who uninformed call themselves college coaches, I'd also make sure to get references. </p>
<p>There was a student who posted here recently who had contacted a college counselor whom people in her community thought was wonderful. The woman talked very slowly, basically gave the student info that the student already knew, and then charged the student $60 for what the student thought was just a phone call to see if the counselor was one the student wanted to work with.</p>
<p>One last thing to think about: If your dad pays for the counselor, would your dad really allow you not to follow the counselor's advice. I know that you're thinking that your dad would do this, but I know that often when parents pay lots of money for a service for their kids, the parents also want the kids to do what the service provider says because otherwise, the parents feel they've wasted their hard earned money. </p>
<p>And my mom always told me to watch out for things that are "free." The cost may be more expensive than one could imagine.</p>
<p>I think it is fine to tell your dad that you really don't want to use the counselor. Most students don't use them. It is your application, your future education. Tell him you are willing to accept the consequences. If you don't get into a particular school, you won't know if it is because of your essay or some other factor anyway. If you want proofreading/comments on your essay, you can get a variety of opinions with no pressure for free from well-educated parents on CC. On the other hand, dad might say he won't pay for your education unless you do as he says. . . then it wouldn't be worth the argument. If you and your dad have the same "goal" college in mind, maybe you could make a deal--he gives you the cash he saved by not hiring the counselor if you get in on your own?</p>
<p>I really like calmom's advice to write a different essay for the coach. You can work on it (and maybe apply some of the advice to your original essay), but you will not have to open your very personal essay to anybody.</p>
<p>I get a feeling that your Dad may be suffering "I want to feel I did everything I could" syndrome (which is pretty common among us parents during the admissions period). Let him pay for the coach, he will feel better. :)</p>
<p>Is this incident typical of your relationship with your Dad or is this unusual? My guess is that your Dad is stressing at the thought of college and knowing that you will soon be leaving home. This frequently produces anxious or controlling behavior in parents because they want to protect their children from disappointment. Take heart. It may get worse before it gets better, but it's normal.</p>