<p>My smart, ambitious, and normally having common sense daughter screwed up and it is coming back to bite her. She is a freshman who went to her first homecoming game a few weeks ago. After the game, all her friends were going to go wrapping and egging people's houses. She knew I wouldn't let her go, so after I went to sleep she and her brother snuck out and wrapped and egged a house and their cars. (She honestly did not know that eggs would hurt cars). This goes on quite a bit during football season and normally not much is said, but my daughter made the mistake of doing the highway patrolman's house next door! When we found out they did, my husband went over and told him. We offered to pay the damages. He originally said there was not much damage and they could work it off, but when we brought the kids over there he changed his tune and now is pressing charges. It will be either a Class B or Class A misdemeanor. Everyone who knows about it can't believe someone is actually pressing charges, but this guy's reputation is as a jerk and we didn't know it. I am actually freaking out about having to deal with the police and juvenile probation. My daughter was hoping to attend NYU or Wellesley, but we are now afraid that she may have blown any chances. I could really use some words of wisdom or positive energy from anyone at this point! Thanks for reading!</p>
<p>Oh dear....I think she will be ok. But I am sure others will have more to say. Frankly I think it should not be a big deal...</p>
<p>Get a very good attorney who is local and has experience in juvenile matters right away. He or she will have a history of working on avenues for diversion with local judges. Married to a lawyer who often represents the neighbors and neighbors kids in such matters. </p>
<p>I think the fact that your husband stepped up to model for his kids an act of accepting responsibility will later to serve you well when the story is "retold" to a judge. IF your two children also understand the No Excuses approach to taking responsibility. A highway patrolman may not be too sympathetic to your D's college list at the moment, and thankfully that is still years away.</p>
<p>Peer pressured behavior is more "understandable" for a freshman in HS than it would be later as your D gets closer to her college years. I don't think my S understood college application realities until he was almost 17 and more maturity set in. </p>
<p>Juvenile judges sometimes are severe, but one things that "sets them off" is parents who attempt to protect their children from consequences. A very common first question when a juvenile judge is considering diversion and expungement of records, is "what consequences have you imposed so far as parents?"</p>
<p>I know you are upset and worried, but I would definitely not ever call the victim of a property crime, however minor the property crime, a "jerk," especially in front of your kids. If you have done this, straighten the kids out on this subject because your belief that the neighbor is being too hardnosed may be coming across in your children's body language and manner.</p>
<p>It is possible that he is a jerk but totally not relevant. It is also possible that he did not like something about your kids apology or about your attitudes when you came over in person. </p>
<p>This experience may lead your children to avoid further property crimes or breaking of the law in their teen years. My hope is for diversion, cleared records and learned lessons for you all! Better now than later when they have access to cars and are dealing with drinking etc.</p>
<p>If she's a freshman and about 14 or 15, wouldn't any juvenile delinquent record be sealed once she hits 16?</p>
<p>Personally I agree with pressing charges. Even if it's "just" a misdemeanor, it still is an illegal activity.</p>
<p>Faline's reply is terrific, very helpful. Great advice there.</p>
<p>If the judge is like the judge in our local court, he will see that your DD is suitably distressed and he'll work it out so the girl makes up for her mistake, but it won't go on her record as a crime. He's a sympathetic but fair guy. Pick a good local lawyer, ideally someone who knows your daughter and can speak about her character. Good luck!</p>
<p>The records would be sealed. The Wellesley application, however, asks if you have ever been convicted of a misdemeanor or felony and explain. Under Texas law the police have the option of sending the kids straight to a first offenders program if the charge is minor and no weapon was involved. The next step would be going to juvenile probation officer who determines whether formal proceedings are necessary. The kids may not have to go before a judge, but we still have the conviction to deal with unless it is adjudicated. If it is, I don't know if she has to answer yes about being convicted of a misdemeanor. The kids did not know the eggs would do damage. They both feel bad about it. They are struggling with the fact that this happens all the time, and no one else gets in trouble. Our house was wrapped and egged several years ago, and we did nothing about it, so they feel it is slightly unfair that they are the only ones getting in trouble. I explained that parents of high school students find this a common occurrence and tend to let it go, but this man does not have high school students, and is very conscientious about his property. They reply, we didn't intend to do any damage-we did it right before a storm so that the rain would wash everything away and they wouldn't have to clean it up! We're still struggling with their logic at this point.</p>
<p>If somone vandalized my property, and I knew who it was, I would press charges. Wouldn't you?</p>
<p>Our house was wrapped and egged several years ago, and we did nothing about it, so they feel it is slightly unfair that they are the only ones getting in trouble. I explained that parents of high school students find this a common occurrence and tend to let it go, but this man does not have high school students, and is very conscientious about his property. </p>
<p>I really don't mean to be hard on you, and could give sympathy for any friend of mine dealing with this. I have two sons. The midnight call could still come to our house any year, any time. </p>
<p>It seems to me that you need to go straight to a lawyer and stop blaming the neighbor for pressing charges. This is what happens in the real world. People sue. People dig in and want other people to "learn lessons". You have an opportunity to teach your children a really big lesson now while consequences re college are probably negligible to zilch. </p>
<p>You have zero control over the neighbor's decision, you may have contributed to his hardening his position by telling him he should "overlook" this as you chose to do in the past, and further comparing your children's "unfair" consequences to kids who "got away with stuff" is going down the wrong path emotionally and logically.<br>
There will always be teenagers "getting away with stuff" for the next few years.<br>
Your teens have to exert self governance in the face of peers making risky decisions, starting now and it only gets worse. Watching other people's teens break laws is only going to get more and more common. In my neighborhood, parents throw drinking parties and join in in some silly need to relive their frat or sorority years. You are going to have to navigate these waters until your children are 21.
Be lighter of heart. Get legal advice. Consult with your spouse and impose consequences for this infraction that make sense to you.
I would also consider letting your neighbor know that you have altered your point of view and that you understand and accept his decision and that you see this as an excellent opportunity to face up to the challenges of the teen years as parents. You may later be glad you also let go of hard feelings..as you may have polarized him a bit. If you change, you make it possible for him to also consider change. It is likely that he will be told about what avenues are available for your kids. Contrite is the only way to go.</p>
<p>I would most probably not press charges, if I felt they were sincerely contrite and paid for any damages. OTOH, "logic" about how the storm would wash it away, or feelings of unfairness, would not sit well with me at all. I think those should be met with stern disapproval by you as parents, both because it's warranted, and because they're liable to do better in court if all that kind of thinking is squelched ahead of time.</p>
<p>We have not spoken to him since he told the children he was pressing charges. We have not tried to talk him out of it. We have lived side by side for 8 years and had no problems, so we are a little surprised he is not willing to work it out with us. We had no idea of his reputation until we shared the incident with others. We have faced the fact that the kids will have to deal with it. My main concern for posting is to hear the implications on her college choices and future. We have punished them at home and will not defend our children's actions when they go before the authorities. If we were going to do that, we wouldn't have admitted the kids did it to begin with.</p>
<p>Are you kidding? My next-door neighbor? I would definitely not press charges. I have to live next to that neighbor for many years to come.</p>
<p>I know it is disappointing to have him press charges. No matter what, going over there face to face was the right thing to do for a first step. Perhaps when you have received local legal advice, you might be pleasantly surprised and he might be mollified faster than you think once he realizes you dealt with the system, a system that defines his work life.
Perhaps you want to hear from parents who have already finished the application process with infractions in their kids' histories. I'll start. I know older teens who hurt cars and property on a school field trip to another city. Sadly, their offense clearly put actual people at a safety risk. No person was injured. Two expulsions. One diversion.
I know a fellow who was a recruited athlete with a beer possession right before graduation. His first semester was altered to probationary at his college..but these are not comparable offenses.</p>
<p>minor, off point question:</p>
<p>What is "wrapping houses?" We have our trees TP'ed and the occasional egging round here. Also "forking!" But don't know about wrapping.</p>
<p>Unless diverted before conviction, your d. WILL be faced with the question on the Wellesley application - "Have you ever been convicted of a misdemeanor or felony? If yes, please explain." (They won't ask whether it was later expunged, or what diversion took place, or whether the record was sealed, etc.) To be perfectly honest, I don't think anyone knows for sure what impact it would have on admissions.</p>
<p>I definitely wouldn't press charges. But then I have to examine myself carefully, and ask whether that is because the miscreant is a 14-15-year-old girl; if it was a 17-year-old hulk on methamphetamine, would I feel the same? I mean, what difference SHOULD it make, given the crime would be the same?</p>
<p>wrapping and TP'd are the same thing.</p>
<p>In the college application, it is wise to be forthright and explain exactly what the infraction was. Adcoms can distinguish between a minor prank and a major infraction. What they don't take kindly to is lies.</p>
<p>What you are looking for is "deferred adjudication". That's where the judge deferrs ruling on the case until after the probation period. Then if restitution and probation is completed, there is no finding of guilt, i.e. no conviction and no record. A good attorney can help.</p>
<p>"Our house was wrapped and egged several years ago, and we did nothing about it, so they feel it is slightly unfair that they are the only ones getting in trouble."</p>
<p>Doesn't this alone make you think maybe a call to the police dept doesn't hurt? (By the way, our police dept would just come over and yell at the kids - if they were first offenders. So maybe my "press charges" is a little harsh.) </p>
<p>Maybe because my kids fully believe I would call the cops they'd never consider "going egging." </p>
<p>So much for us die-hard liberals being soft on crime...</p>
<p>I would not personally press charges. But I agree with Faline & garland that both yours and your kids' attitudes are contributing to the problem. My kids would be washing his cars, mowing his lawn, painting his fence, and basically kissing his feet for a good long time to make restitution. Also, did your husband bring the kids over to apologize when he admitted the deed? I hope so. This neighbor is within his rights to press charges. As a lawman, he probably sees many kids' exploits escalate from vandalism to worse crimes & didn't want to be complicit in any kid's corruption.</p>
<p>A neighbor's devilspawn son once set my mulch on fire with firecrackers & denied it. (These are the kind of parents who will stick up for their kid unless you have video & forensic evidence of the infraction.) I didn't press charges, although he could have burned my house down. I brought both the boy & the parents into my yard and warned them as sternly as possibly that he was never to set foot on my property again. He didn't.</p>
<p>I agree that it is not right to blame the neighbor. I would press charges too if someone vandalized our property. Indeed, someone did that a few years ago -- put racist things on our windows, and we are fairly sure it was a high school student down the street whose father lied to the police and said it couldn't have been his son. The only reason we didn't press charges was because there wasn't enough evidence.</p>
<p>Anyway, I don't think that any kind of vandalism including what you describe is something to be lightly regarded. Just because other parents apparently think it's OK doesn't mean that it is OK. My guess is that the other parents do NOT think it's OK, but are too chicken to press charges. As a result, the kids keep vandalizing.</p>
<p>I agree to get a lawyer for your daughter. At the same time, I think your D needs to be held responsible including earning a job or something to pay off or help pay off the bill. </p>
<p>Yes, she may have ruined her chances for colleges like Wellesley. Anything is possible. What's most important longterm, though, is what she learns from the incident. If what she learns is that the neighbor was wrong to press charges, that will bode poorly for her future.</p>
<p>Also, for all you know, she has engaged in similar actions before, but you didn't know about it.</p>
<p>I say this as the mom of 2 sons, who knows that even normally good kids can do stupid and illegal things. I still believe that they should be held responsible, and others should not be blamed for our kids' bad decisions.</p>