<p>A family friend has a daughter in a lot of trouble...</p>
<p>The daughter (we'll call her Jane) just finshed her junior year. For the most part she is a good student, getting As and Bs. Last week she was busted by the police for possession of alcohol, underage drinking and drunk driving. Last night she was arrested for her second offense (in one week!) of drunk driving. Jane is not yet 17. She is known to be a "difficult" teenager, has a history of depression and is not taking responsibility for her actions- "I don't drink, it's all a mistake", "Everyone was calling me a goody two shoes, so I did it, this is the first time". </p>
<p>I've known Jane since she was a little girl. She is a good person, but has a lot to learn, and things to overcome. Her mother is very concerned about Jane's future (as she should be).</p>
<p>Assuming she deals with her mental illness, learns to be responsible and manages to do okay in school, what will her chances be in admissions? Will colleges understand that she's made some big mistakes but learned from them, or will they frown upon her?</p>
<p>And parents, be greatful that your children have it so together!</p>
<p>I'll weigh in here as the parent of a child who did NOT have it "so together". Wild Child was never arrested, but only because we took drastic action in time. There will still be a "rap sheet" attached to his applications explaining suspensions and an expulsion. Your friend's D is really headed in a bad direction, and it is unlikely that she will learn to accept responsibility for her choices without some kind of emotional growth program. She will have to disclose the arrests, and unless she can show a real turn-around, they WILL hurt her. She will need to be able to write about what steps she took to change her attitudes and behaviors, what she learned, and what will ensure that these things don't occur in the future. Of course, plenty of teenagers drink, so that in itself is not a deal-breaker for college, but the two arrests and not assuming responsibility will come through loud and clear. Feel free to PM me for any info on programs.</p>
<p>Many colleges will not take a chance on her because her arrests raise serious red flags about her ability to handle college, and about her taking responsibility for her behavior. Colleges have enough problems cleaning up difficulties due to formerly well behaved students who use college as a chance to run wild. Colleges don't want to take on students who already are demonstrating behavior problems and irresponsibility.</p>
<p>In addition, since the arrests happened junior year, she doesn't have much time to prove herself. </p>
<p>My guess is that if she wants to attend a 4-year college, she'll need to go to a local community college first and then transfer after having a clean record since her last arrests.</p>
<p>I would advise your friend to get in touch with an educational consultant in your area. Ask around for someone who is effective and experienced in this area.</p>
<p>These professionals are very well versed in the options for kids who have addictions, mental illnesses, behavior problems, etc. There might be therapeutic settings for her senior year in HS that would help her address her problems and maybe improve her chances at college admissions.</p>
<p>Later, the consultant can identify college programs that are suitable, esp those with good counseling and substance free living, etc.</p>
<p>All due respect to your friends, college is the least of their problems right now.</p>
<p>You can either ascribe to the "girls will be girls" theory, or hope that this is an abberation, but in my state, a minor with two DUI arrests in one week would be on the verge of having her license revoked. A sixteen year old with legal troubles will have Family and Children's services on the case as well, with some court intervention, parenting classes, a social worker assigned to the family, etc.</p>
<p>Let's hope the intervention is good for your young friend who will need treatment for her depression among other things; college woes can wait until the family can help her turn the corner.</p>
<p>A friend of mine had 2 DUIs and an extreme DUI during junior year of h.s. Guess where he's at now? Harvard...</p>
<p>and no having to go to a local community college and then transferring in not the only choice. Do you know how many arrested teens there are at regular state universities...she can go to her local state uni and then transfer if she wants. Saying she should go to CC first is a bit extreme seeing as she is a good student.</p>
<p>I don't know about Bern's friend, but I agree with Blossom. College applications are low on the list right now. Don't know what the law is in your state, kc_lady, but with back-to-back DUI arrests, the family had better be spending a lot of time with a lawyer. This girl may be facing serving some time in a youth facility or being in a heavily supervised diversion and/or intervention program that will leave little or no time for college visits and not much time for thinking about college either (but hopefully enough time for thinking about the curent, more serious issues).</p>
<p>Agree that college applications are low on the agenda....</p>
<p>But the number of kids with DUIs and histories of depression coming out of the fancy preps and who end up in the prestige schools are a dime a dozen.</p>
<p>The bigger question is whether she SHOULD be thinking about college just now, and if so, one that will place her in a permissive, hard-drinking/partying environment.</p>
<p>This is a bit of a thread drift, I know. There have been several suggestions in this thread that this girl should be sent to an emotional growth/behavior modification program, and that her parents should contact an educational consultant.</p>
<p>I would strongly recommend against the use of such programs. Behavior modification/emotional growth programs are highly unregulated. Many of them are unlicensed, and do not have qualified staff. In recent years, it has been discovered that many of them are highly abusive and damaging. It has also been discovered that many educational consultants are being given financial benefits by programs in exchange for refferals. </p>
<p>Parents should trust their own instincts, and not give up on their child and hand him/her over to stangers when things get a little tough. Program parents are often told that sending their children away was a "loving decision", when in fact, all it meant was that the child is abandoned at a time when they need their parents the most. Parents have more power than they think. </p>
<p>Anyway, I'm sorry to ramble on like this-- the widespread incidence of abuse within the behavior modification industry is a subject that is very close to my heart. </p>
<p>If that girl will get her act together soon, she might be able to save her college chances. If she will turn 18 before application time, and have her record sealed, she might not have to report her criminal history to colleges. Whatever happens, good luck.</p>
<p>strugglingteens.com is managed by Lon Woodbury, who is marketing some of the most notoriously abusive programs on his website. Parents who ask for advice on the strugglingteens.com message board are often pressed to give their child up as soon as possible. I would recommend extreme caution when dealing with these people.</p>
<p>I agree with all that has been said above, but I did want to point out that the Common Application DOES NOT ask for any information about arrests or even, surprisingly, about convictions. Additionally, many of the individual applications I've looked at do not ask this question either.
Even the applications that do ask, usually ask about CONVICTIONS not arrests, so, depending on the outcome of her case, this may not even be an issue in terms of applications/admission. However, as already noted, there's a much larger issue here than college admissions.</p>
<p>Although the app may not ask for such information, I should think one should err on the side of disclose. Do I remember reading somewhere about a student who had their Harvard acceptance rescinded for failing to disclose a felony?</p>
<p>Gosh...whyever did she get the chance to repeat her crime?? My kid wouldn't have seen those car keys again for months after an offense like that!
I don't think the issue here is college in her future - the issue is her surviving long enough to have a future.</p>
<p>There are many emotional growth programs that are well-run, not abusive, and have saved the lives of teens. Lon Woodbury is an excellent consultant and does not recommend abusive programs. The parents on strugglingteens.com are, for the most part, well-educated and savvy. They have exhausted every avenue in helping their teens. I am well-aware that there is a back-lash against the emotional growth treatment industry, mainly led by a few unfortunate young adults who were placed in programs which did turn out to be harmful. Read the books Shouting at the Sky (Gary Ferguson) or What it Takes to Pull Me Through (David Marcus) for an accurate portrayal of two reputable programs.</p>
<p>MomofWildChild, unfortunately, Woodbury recommends programs that have been proved to be abusive. Programs such as WWASPS (considered by many to be the worst offenders in the industry), Hidden Lake Academy, and others. </p>
<p>You might be surprised to hear that most parents who have given up their children to programs have NOT exhausted every possible avenue. For many of them, the program was simply the first option they came across. These programs prey on the parents' feelings of desperation and helplessness. They often tell parents that without the porgram, their child will die. </p>
<p>I am not familiar with Shouting at the Sky, but I have read What It Takes to Pull Me Through. A highly useful marketing tool. Academy at Swift River is a descendant of a chain of highly abusive programs, and it is an abusive program in its own right. It appears on several watchlists at the moment.</p>
<p>Any parents who might be considering sending their child to a program must make sure that they are placing their children in a safe environment. Did you know that many parents don't even bother to visit the program they are placing their children in? Many parents are also willing to put up with programs that restrict parent-child communication, or even forbid parents from visiting their children until the children have reached a certain level in the program. </p>
<p>I agree with you that there are good programs out there. Unfortunately, because this industry is so unregulated, and because there exists no governmental oversight, the risk of abuse is extremely high, and it is best to just stay away and look into other options.</p>
<p>We're worried about her putting an arrest on her application when for all you know, the next time she gets behind the wheel of a car it could be your niece or nephew or mom or sister she runs over due to her impairment? Boy, talked about warped perspective and sense of priorities.</p>
<p>I am not impressed that you all know legions of kids at college who managed to find a savvy lawyer to seal their record. I am troubled that as a society we are more worried about how to spin this kids problems than we are in identifying why a kid gets arrested twice in one week for the same crime and isn't getting intervention for her depression. A girl in my neighborhood was killed by a drunk teenager last year-- I'm sure the parents will be comforted to know that since the driver was under 18 he can still use the Common App.</p>