I would have a tough time supporting my child financially when they are doing something against everything I believe in.
And I believe in not going into significant debt for questionable income.
My son loves band, but he will minor in music, not major in it. The money is not worth it, and the ROI is miniscule at best.
Any child who expects a parent to pay for college when the amount of debt is ridiculous has a problem. I am not saying that if she has to repay loans, after art college, he shouldn’t help if he can, BUT having him contribute initially does not make sense. It does not seem to be a question of him paying or she doesn’t go; she is just taking on a huge debt in order to go.
As for visits and so on, if she is willing to host him on visits, I don’t see a reason not to go unless there is going to be a big fight about finances. I’ll assume she is 18, and even if it is distasteful to her father, she can take on debt if she wants to.
(But, in NJ, he would be forced to pay as a divorced parent, no matter where she chose to go, based on a 50% contribution of the in-state state college tuition. I don’t think many other states are doing that; the last case was where the daughter chose an OOS private college, and sued the father and mother for 50% from each, and the court said though both were responsible, they were only responsible for 50% of the in-state state college tuition, not 50% of the private college tuition.)
Is that what this school is? Haven’t looked back at the description sine the thread was updated, but thought it was a school offering an AA. Didn’t recall it being one of those for profit unaccredited programs.
“OP, don’t hesitate to offer her all the emotional support she needs - love her art work, ask her to send the digital images and display them proudly in your home or office. Try to visit a couple of times this next year. Sure, it might all go south - or it might not. Either way, if she thinks you care about HER - and not just which school she chose or who co-signed the loan - she’ll hopefully come 'round and begin to trust you for advice and guidance (and not just moola).”
^^ This! Echoing @Mamelot: GET in the picture. Email, call, write. Be your daughter’s supporter and fan. You’re her dad and she needs you today and in the future – whether or not she knows it now. Create a relationship. Yes, it will be bumpy. But let her know in a very tangible, real way, that you’re there for her and you root for her.
@MidWestDad3 - The OP is in South Dakota and the daughter plans to study in Ohio. This is not a quick day-trip! It is easy to understand that the OP just can’t pop in to his daughter’s art shows whenever he feels like it. Attending anything will require advance planning and a significant amount of vacation time if the decision is made to go by car rather than by air.
If this is not a reputable program but is instead a sham, I agree that it would be difficult to justify throwing good money after bad. That said, as others have said, the relationship between a father and daughter, which already seems strained, is worthy of some thing too.
@happymomof1 I understand the logistics. Sioux Falls to Cincinnati is 869 miles. Is one visit in two years too much to ask? My parents once travelled 9,614 miles from their home to visit me in grad school.
RH, the issue of forcing the NCP is no slam dunk. I had looked up a summary in #246.
Working parents can visit from the east coast to colleges in the west or vice versa The air time is roughly two-three hours from SD to OH. Fly out on Fri eve, come back Sunday afternoon. My friend recently drove her kid from VA to WI. In my book, these are things we do for our kids. Once or twice a year isn’t unreasonable.
Yes, it would be nice if the OP can travel to visit his daughter at some time while she is studying. However, not everyone can get the money and the logistics to work out.
To me it sounds like father/dau have a caring relationship - she understands his position. He is sending her money to help her. Mother and step-father can ask/demand what they want - doesn’t mean they are calling the shots.They may have signed to pay the first year tuition. It is unfortunate that DD is in the middle, but even if father and mother were still married and one wanted to sign off on a bunch of school loans and the other didn’t…
With so much information spread out of this thread, is this school accredited, meaning that can associate’s degree transfer to a 4 year school with most classes accepted or not? To me it sounded like ‘not’.
Maybe DD and her room-mate being out and away as 18 YO young adults, they may have some different concepts and perceptions. I know my DDs got more ‘real world’ perception as they figure out their time with doing their academics while also figuring out necessities like meals, doing their laundry, having themselves totally accountable.
Unfortunately any merit DD may have received from 4 year school is now closed with her decision to follow through with this art school. However, in-state public options are open to her in two states - where her parents live while they are both providing support (or maybe not - have to research each state requirement). My nephew with parents with shared custody living in two different states actually had three states for in-state public tuition costs (two had reciprocity with timely application and request for in-state tuition).
I think the deal is to have regional accreditation, not national. Same as the issue the most religiously isolated colleges have.
In contrast, Cleveland Institute of Art is accredited by the North Central Association of Colleges and Schools, same as, eg, Northwestern U. Or Sinclair Community College.
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There is a page listing accreditation on the school’s website. It is the School of Advertising Art in Cincinnati, OH.
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That is not the accreditation that regular univs recognize. It’s not like WASC or SACS or the other credible accreditation entities.
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The School of Advertising Art is accredited by the Accrediting Commission of Career Schools and Colleges [ACCSC]. The ACCSC is listed by the U.S. Department of Education as a nationally recognized accrediting agency.
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I think that just means that its a school where you can use fed loans/aid with…like other for-profit schools. It’s not like its accredited by the entity that gives accreditation to other schools in that region, like:
The Ohio State University is accredited by the Higher Learning Commission (HLC) of the North Central Association of Colleges and Schools (NCA).
This degree is worth nothing at any public or state institution. She’s going to be in debt for 60K + INTEREST for a two year associates degree in art.
GET in the picture. Email, call, write. Be your daughter’s supporter and fan. You’re her dad and she needs you today and in the future – whether or not she knows it now. Create a relationship. Yes, it will be bumpy. But let her know in a very tangible, real way, that you’re there for her and you root for her.
I’m just going to stop acknowledging these kinds of posts. I don’t need a lecture from you or anybody else on how to conduct my relationship with my daughter. If that upsets you then please just stop posting.
With that said. I am extremely upset with this. I feel like my daughter has a very good chance of ruining her life for the foreseeable future. My opinion of my ex has sunken to a new low. Frankly, I think she’s an idiot.
I have no idea of the details of how tuition was paid. Daughter isn’t offering to tell and I’m not going to call up my ex and ask. I’m assuming they cosigned the loan(s). If she/they want to cosign their life away and take that gamble that’s on them. But I damn them to hell for enabling my daughter to get herself in that amount of debt for so little.
I’m done discussing it with my daughter and I’m done discussing it with my ex. If one of them mentions to me they are having problems related to this school I’m going to promptly cut them off. If one of them calls asking for more money they will promptly be cut off. There isn’t going to be any “I told you so’s” There’s going to be nothing at all from me on this anymore.
And when she graduates the financial support is going to stop.
Maybe you would want to reduce/stop the monthly payments to your daughter now and save them in an account for her and then when she graduates, (or when she stops attending that school) use that amount to pay down her loans (not the cosigned ones - her mom is on the hook for those) assuming - she can get federal student loans for the art school? That could stop her from spending your money on clothes and entertainment each month (not that you said you were concerned about that). Just a thought to help with her future debt.
I think OP is doing the correct thing by holding up his end of the bargain about continuing payments. He doesn’t need to pay a penny toward paying down debt for a school he didn’t agree with. Most of the posters here agree with all that.
OP’s real issue will be in a year or two and that’s where he disagrees with some of the advice. Unfortunately he’s less than accepting of his adult daughter’s decisions (and it’s hard to be sometimes no doubt about that) - unfortunately, what appears to be not a little bitterness now might turn into something really nasty later on.
I think the father needs to continue his support payments because otherwise if she has to leave the school they’re going to blame that and he’ll lose his daughter completely
Is there any new information; have you talk to your daughter in the last few days?
One can always hope DD will decide this school is a ‘bad deal’ and stop - if started first semester, finish the term then move on to a less costly school that will have a worthy degree at a lower cost.
The dad is totally right in doing his part as he spelled out.
Looks like the DD needs to realize things, as she is not getting good guidance from her mother and step-father.