DC-Area BS Quandry

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

Hi Parents,

We have a son who is deciding on schools now and a daughter who is finishing 6th grade.
For many reasons, when we started our BS search, my husband restricted our search to 2-ish hour drive from our home.
Even though we live in the country in Virginia, we were able to come up with 3 solid choices.
Now that DS’s options are rolling in, we are having some misgivings about even allowing him to go to a BS; here’s why:

DS got WL at his 1st choice due to FA. That school is now over-budget on their FA budget so no kids on the WL will be offered FA. So that school is not an option.

He got offers & $$ from 2 schools: Georgetown Prep and Mercersburg. Both schools have +/- and are about equal in our eyes for very, very different reasons. TBH, neither would qualify on our list as #2 Choice…more like very distant 3rd (MB) & 4th (GP a close 4th). GP offered DS a HUGE scholarship, though…enough to bump MB by a long shot!!!

My problem with GP is that DS is supposed to be leaving home for a BS experience and that school doesn’t really qualify. And the more I dig, the less I like what I see on the BS side of the road. But I have ZERO qualms with the academics.

If we suck it up and let DS go to GP for a less-than-great BS experience, we really are NOT getting what we want.
PLUS, since it’s all boys, DD cannot attend. So where does she go?
MB is not an option. If you have college savings, they take 1/2 of that and chop it off their FA award so we will never get enough $$ to send her.

I had a parent tell me that things could be different if she applied to the WL school. But I talked in detail with the AD at our current school (who has also done BS and College admissions) and he said that it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that she would be admitted if DS was not (they are different but both equally as qualified). He did not think revisiting that school as an option for DD would produce a different outcome and thinks it would be a lot of work for the same emotional crash in the end.
Madiera is within driving but from the little I have heard, I am not sure it’s a fit for DD. Neither is Foxcroft (drivable from my home!). Do any of you know much about Madiera?

We obviously need to make a decision regarding DS very, very soon. But, considering where we live, I need to also weigh in options that are feasible for DD in 2 years. If the only viable options for her are public school or doing K12-Homeschool then I don’t know how I can allow DS to take scholarship at GP. It would just be plain W-R-O-N-G on so many levels!!!

I’m looking for OPINIONS (I know, dangerous, huh!?!?!), suggestions, school options, etc. that fall short of moving.

2

Oh, and if we are eventually going to say DS is worthy but you are not, then we may as well take her tuition money and put it against DS bills and be FP at his #1 choice…right?
Which, obviously, is NOOOOOOOOOOTTTT happening! :slight_smile:

3

From my student perspective. Personally, I could not deal with the low number of boarders at GP. I’m not very familiar with Mercersberg, but based on the fact that @twinsmama 's DS attends and DD will be enrolling in the Fall, that would be my pick. If I were starting with a blank slate, Episcopal would be first on my list.

4

Hi SkiEurope and thanks for the reply. Yes, EHS is his #1 Choice where he got WL for FA. Stinks but isn’t going to change.
BTW, are you a ski buff?
DS and DD both race SL and GS.

5

And Mercersburg is on the table but not a real option as they took away 1/2 of the FA award because we have college savings (which we cannot legally access for MB but they don’t care…already rode that ride…!)

6

I wouldn’t worry so much about what your DD will do in two years. Make the best decision you can for your DS, and then worry about DD later. But I totally disagree with the advice that your DD has no shot at the school your DS got WL at. Who knows how her application profile will look when she’s in 8th grade? And what she’ll want to do? I have a DS and DD two years apart as well, and as compared to what I thought when she was in 6th grade, I ended up being totally wrong about both where DD would apply and get in. On paper, our DS is a stronger student academically than our DD, and yet she was actually more successful in her applications than he was, I assume because she presents very differently. Remember too that the fact that your DS got waitlisted means that the school views him as being academically qualified, they just didn’t have room for him. If your DD has similar academic strength, then I see no reason why she wouldn’t have a shot at the school, as she may have different interests that resonate better or click better with her AO, etc.

7

Hi there -
K1 and K2 are both doing St. George’s. We were surprised by the placed they were admitted, waitlisted, etc. We live near an airport with non-stops to PVD. They are very affordable and I encourage you to look into it. It is a cool school.

8

The WL school has historically been a very popular for our school to matriculate to so our AD is very familiar with them. The WL school has been very, very, very clear we were WL due to FA. That’s not going to change in 2 years so the AD at our current school does not think we have a chance in heck of changing the outcome with DD. I do understand the diff kids=diff profiles and may think he was wrong if the decision wasn’t made over $$…but it was. As he pointed out: don’t expect a different outcome if the variable hasn’t changed. In our case the variable is not KID, it’s cash!
DS is straight A’s, 90%+ SSAT, outstanding recs, 4x champ in one sport, 2x champ in another. All around super solid. They just could not offer what we needed in aid~! Hey, that’s life. This is BS which runs off private dollars! FA is a slippery slope and even the most qualified kids can end up in the drink. Mine did. It’s a lesson on swallowing hard. Very hard.
But I don’t think the AD at our school is wrong. I actually think he’s spot-on. He explained that in a perfect world, kids would be accepted and given whatever a school could afford to offer; then it would be up to the parents to make decisions. But he pointed out it’s not a perfect world and with BSs and Colleges, if you need FA then there is a “bucket” that you can land in that makes that school a REACH SCHOOL (not based on academics, but strictly on FA). For us, he said the WL school is a reach school. And it will be in 2 years, too.
So, WL is not an option for DD.
Any other options anyone can see that we have not considered for DD?
I hate the idea of nixing the GP scholarship but I refuse to send the wrong message to my DD!

9

Have you spoken with Amy Moher in FA at MB about what the situation would be for your daughter? It was my understanding that they fund the family rather than the student. In other words, if they are taking 1/2 the college savings to be put towards their tuition, that would be it, regardless of how many students you have attending. It’s worth a call.

My D has loved her time a MB and will be sad to leave in May.

10

Maybe in 2 years you will be more open to considering a broader geographic search for your daughter. I agree with all the posters saying choose as wisely as you can for your son now and worry about your daughter in 2 years. It will work itself out. Do what you can in the next 48 hrs with the information you have, let the rest go.

11

I’m not understanding what the “message” is that your DD would get if your DS goes to GP. Can you explain?

12

Oh, sure. My husband will only consider schools within a certain distance.
(PP suggested we may consider a wider geographical area in a few years but that will not happen. If that were true, we would have applied to NE BS for DS as he is a 4x Champ Skier/Racer.)
So far, the only school that fits the bill is GP.
We are FA and MB has chunked 1/2 of our aid off because we have saved for college.
EHS has WL us because they don’t have the $$ to offer.
The only real option for our DS is GP because he got enough money.

Unless I have missed a school on my many-year search, there is not really an option for our DD.
EHS is very likely to end in WL due to FA.
MB will continue to chop away at the FA award like they did for our son.
This means her options will be public or home school.

If we let him go to Prep, the message to her will sound very much like “your brother is worthy of a private school education but you are not”.

So, do we nix the GP option and send them both to public school?

13

This is a terrible situation.
No answer is easy.

14

Have you talked to the FA office at MB? People do bring in other offers and negotiate their FA offers.

Make an appointment with FA officer at MB and have this candid talk you lay out above and emphasize that DS would like to join MB. Also, ask about DD in 2 years.

I was glad to hear that MB is going toward need blind at the revisit. I felt the academics is very strong at MB.
I also agree - focus on DS now, and in 2 years, perhaps broaden the search and look for a working solution for DD.

15

Got it. I just can’t see taking away a great opportunity from your son just because you’re worried that your daughter might not get a similar result in 2 years. He impressed GP enough that not only did they admit him, they did so knowing that he needed a significant amount of aid, which they were willing to give him. What was the point of even having him apply if he wasn’t going to be able to go there because it’s all boys and won’t be an option for your daughter? I could totally see the unfairness to her if you didn’t get any offer of FA and the issue was that you’d be spending all your “education” dollars on him and then would have nothing to spend on her if she doesn’t get aid. But he got this opportunity on his own merit and it’s not taking anything away from her, so why not let him have that? In two years, maybe she’ll impress a school enough for them to give her enough FA for her to go, or maybe your husband will come around to looking further afield, or maybe you’ll win the lottery between now and then. Who knows?

You’re worried about the message this sends to your daughter. I’d be more worried about the message it sends to your son: you worked hard and had this great accomplishment, but we won’t let you do it because your sister might not get the same opportunity in two years, and we don’t want you to have unequal opportunities. Seems like you’re setting up a situation where he could feel really resentful of his sister. And I think it sends a bad message to your daughter too – that you don’t have enough confidence in her to think that she’ll wow a school in two years’ time.

16

Neato - yes, I’ve talked to Amy.
She said their position is that we will need to borrow less for college.
True.
But if we make the same as the person that DIDN’T save we are being penalized for being responsible.
Hmmm. Does it tell you the same thing it told me: we should have taken the kids on that trip to Italy and gotten aid now…and for college, too (when we will be using the 529 $).
The logic is broken.
It is not a philosophy we condone and would hate for our kids to hear the reality.
FA should be based on income, period.
MBs method of massaging encourages irresponsibility.
And I don’t mean POSSIBLE irresponsibility. I hear FA families talk about it all the time (that go to all schools). They laugh about it because they know how unethical it is but have decided they cannot fight it and are going to use the system against itself. One mom recently said “I know but they make it soooooo easy!”
I don’t know ONE FA family that isn’t playing the system. I am sure they are out there I just don’t know them…until we enter the realm, anyway (this is our first go-round; we have always been FP till now).
And if the families cheating is not bad enough, we have now gotten FA removed because we dared save for college.
How DARE we… !
It’s frustrating.

17

Soxmom, I have faith in my DD. The problem is that there are NO SCHOOL OPTIONS other than public or home schooling.
My dilemma is: do I let him go knowing she cannot.

18

Fair is not equal. A mantra in our home.

I just randomly read this thread. No prep school here. Just small local public school. But D is a sophomore at Yale with a generous financial aid package. She is at her dream school. Who knows what the dream school will be for my S, HS class of 2019. He will not be going there if we cannot afford it. Granted we have more variables with a 6 year gap than you do.

I agree to give your son this opportunity and explore options for your daughter over the next two years. Parenting is hard!

19

If you are in Winchester, are you not within range of Chatham hall, va episcopal, st Margaret’s, a few md schools, etc? Also, he’s might want your daughter more and offer FA. Don’t deny your son, that would send a poor message. He earned the FA.

20

Hi CatInHat,
Chatham Hall & VA Episcopal are too far but thanks for tip on St. Margaret’s.
Haven’t found anything w/i travel distance in MD. Suggestions?