<p>I need help! My daughter was accepted to a BS in MA with FA. She is taking time to decide if she wants to go. Here is my dilemma: Do I let her go. We live on the Westcoast and MA is on the Eastcoast! Is there anyone out there who had to part with your own 14 year old to go across the USA for boarding school. Any suggestions on how to let go? Any comments will be much appreciated.</p>
<p>While we’re not all the way across the US, our son is a two flight home kid, so I’ll weigh in.</p>
<p>Without question, the distance has been the hardest part of letting our son go, and the hardest part for him too. Some of the hardest things for us are that we can’t go to concerts or athletic contests, and long week-ends at home just aren’t possible. </p>
<p>Here’s what has helped us: daily phone calls and im’s; care packages; short videos/photos posted in google (both him and us); and close contact with his adviser so we get an adult’s perspective on how things are going. We flew out for parent’s week-end, and my husband got a cheap flight and flew out with a friend for a long week-end this winter. And we really, really just enjoy our time together when he’s home. Mostly, though, it’s about keeping our eyes on the prize–it’s hard, but the experience is well worth the sacrifice.</p>
<p>Like classicalmma–we are not as far as you, but 2.5 hour airplane ride. It was difficult, but doable.</p>
<p>It is not so much letting her go, but allowing her to fly. Reflect on the reasons why she applied in the first place and why you were supportive then (you where, right?)</p>
<p>Bs was right for my d, but I told her she could change her mind up until we got on the plane. Once on the plane she would have to stay one entire year to give it a try. (would I have let her come home if I felt she should, yep, but I didnt tell her that–lol)</p>
<p>It is truly an experience for both of us. Do I wish my child wouldnt grow up and just stay with me forever–yep…but reality sets in I want her to have the best life possible. </p>
<p>I worried a little until the house mother sent the first set of pictures on the first sunday nite. There was my baby in the middle of her floor picture with the biggest grin on her face, she was happy. That said it all.</p>
<p>Good Luck, and know we parents on cc will be here to “hold your hand” as you get through it.</p>
<p>Send a pm to photoOp. I believe her daughter is at exeter and she is on the west coast.</p>
<p>My daughter is about 6 hours away. Might as well be across the country. It precludes quick trips and weekends home, for the most part. We talk a lot, skype a lot and email. The biggest dilema you will face is getting her things to and from school. I am sure she will take advantage of summer storage.
I think it is the opportunity of a lifetime. I would give it a shot and see how it goes, at least for 9th grade.</p>
<p>Good luck
zp</p>
<p>Also, we are lucky that my d has made great friends with day students who love to have her around. For long winter weekend my d went home with them and rested and enjoyed “family” life. I missed her but am happy she is enjoying life.</p>
<p>Issues to consider: does your daughter have any health issues which might flare up? Do you have any family nearby? How does her local option compare to the MA boarding school? (You don’t have to answer the issues, they’re only things I would consider, if I faced the choice.)</p>
<p>We have no direct flights to Hartford which is our daughter’s closest airport. So everything means a transfer. We fly her through airports where we have family or friends to make sure there’s a backup plan.</p>
<p>But although she was timid about a solo flight, she was all smiles when she got to the connecting city and saw many of her classmates boarding the same flight to school. Wonderful to get a text message to say “we’re all sitting together and stealing french fries from each other.”</p>
<p>To stay in touch we use skype often. You’ll feel like you’re part of it when kids flash by and wave at the screen or you hear them horse trading over borrowing clothes for the formal, or planning to order take-out. My daughter bonded with a family within driving distance so she’s spent long weekends with them. She Skyped from their home and I was able to meet the parents, the family pets, see her room, and we talked throughout the superbowl critiquing the halftime performance and commercials.</p>
<p>It’s hard to let them go - but technology makes it easy. Sounds weird, but even a text on my phone saying she “got the care package, or she got a great grade on a test” is enough for me to know she’s safe.</p>
<p>I hope you let her test her wings. Really - you can get to Boston from CA on a nonstop faster than I can get to Hartford from the midwest. And when you hear her laugh or giggle about something that happened that day you’ll know she’s safe and happy. I suspect you’ll know more about what’s going on with her at BS than you do now. For us, communication actually increased dramatically (and we were close before she left).</p>
<p>Best of luck. We’ve all been there (and are still there). :-)</p>
<p>Yep, I have a daughter at Exeter and I’m in California. It is definitely a disadvantage. This is her third year and I have visited exactly once. I think kids do better who have families closer or parents who can visit more often. If you can visit often that will make a big difference. My daughter has times when she does well and times when she doesn’t. Right now is a not so great time so I won’t go into details but bs life is not always roses. Feel free to pm me if you want more details.</p>
<p>Periwinkle’s point about health issues is a good one–I have a kid who gets sick a lot, and I’m not inclined to send him away to school, both for his comfort and our peace of mind.</p>
<p>Thank you for the insight and support. I will take all of it into consideration. </p>
<p>Periwinkle: D does not have any health issues. Its more me not being able to get to her at a moments notice. I don’t want to be the reason for her missing out on a great oppertunity.</p>
<p>I think it depends on what sort of health issues your child is dealing with. My daughter has a low immune system and catches every virus that comes her way. She is constantly getting sick. She got the swine flu and was isolated by the school - well with the other kids who had it at the time. She also has had various sport injuries including one that required an MRI and physical therapy. The school was very good about all of this. She has been in the emergency room for dehydration from the flu and they sent a chaperone who stayed with her the entire time and kept in touch with us via telephone. Minor health issues are easily taken care of and I think it is a good learning experience. We haven’t had to deal with any major health issues though.</p>
<p>Sunnycali, I will PM you. We have S from West Coast who went East and it has been tough. I think the distance is a big issue because as parents we are just too far removed. Kids who come to BS where their parents are within a reasonable distance from school are better served (they come home on weekends, for example, to get a home cooked meal or laundry done–oh and btw, talk to their parents about what is going on). All of the support from the school–teachers, dorm parents, coaches, etc-- is no substitute for parental involvement and frankly, faculty are all too busy except for kids who end up on academic warning or are in real trouble. . . . Although we’ve tried to visit a few times a year–get real, a few times a year is no way to steer a teen. It can be very, very, rough and I now wonder why I didn’t listen to friends who said “why not wait until college–it will come soon enough?”</p>
<p>Just let the girl go.</p>
<p>grinzing: I am weighing what you say very seriously. If I had family out there, it would be easier to say, yes. I would know she has someone to turn to. Then I think about the parents from foreign countries who allow their children to travel half way around the world alone to attend a BS. Where do they get their strength from? How do they maintain their sanity? LOL</p>
<p>woeishe: How did you handle the transition? </p>
<p>To everyone: Have you ever felt like you couldn’t tell everyone your D was considering BS because of the funny looks you’s get or the judgmental coments others would make?</p>
<p>what…you mean the concerned, “When did he start a fire in the school?” kind of looks? Or the, “What kind of a parent are you to send your baby away?” kind of looks? Been there.</p>
<p>@sunnycali: Did you consider applying to a west coast boarding school? If you’ve decided distance is a meaningful issue, you need to decide whether regular Skyping, phone and email will make you and your child feel “in touch.” Thankfully we live in an age of amazing communications technology. Realistically, it’s best if your child can get home for Winter and Spring breaks and you can make at least one or two trips to visit during the year. We have a son in BS who’s five hours away by car and flying isn’t an option. He calls in briefly several nights per week and is well adjusted. Personally, I’ve found teenage kids enjoy a little breathing room, but that really depends on the kid.</p>
<p>I absolutely agree with grinzing. It is very hard to parent a child via skype and telephone. And the school really does not fill the void as much as they promise they will. They can’t and they won’t.</p>
<p>I do have a child with health issues, not life threatening. To my joy she has become very proactive and goes to the health service when needed. She didnt even call me because “it wasnt anything you could do but worry and stress me out”.</p>
<p>We dont have local family but a dear family friend that is less than an hour away that I trust to make decisions in my place.</p>
<p>I beg to differ with Grinzing. We are 900+ miles and my d doesnt come home for even the long weekends. I think the distance is more difficult for some kids and families. BS is not for every kid. Some kids give it a try and it just doesnt work, you dont always know for sure.</p>
<p>I am in contact enough with my d that I am still the parent, regardless of distance, and we communicate well enough that she is getting what she needs. </p>
<p>@sunny–there is an old thread that talks about how crazy we are for even considering bs. Even as my d has had a successful first year, people still look at me like crazy!</p>
<p>I just laugh to myself…if they only knew how lucky we are!</p>
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<p>I guess it depends on the child and the school. Neither the kids nor the schools are all the same. And neither are the parents. Personally, I am firmly with kraordrawoh in the “teenage kids enjoy a little breathing room” camp.</p>