<p>In response to some that I offended:</p>
<p>On many of the CC threads there are those that talk about URMs and the poor people taking your kids spot at elite campus’. The theory that many of you have is that these schools do so in order to create diversity. I have heard it often so I wanted to put out the real truth about financial aid…there are many middle income people receiving lots of financial aid especially those of us with multiple children attending college at the same time. Are we poor? We are not poor but for whatever the reasons may be, we could not afford these schools if it was not for the financial aid that these schools have been generous enough to contribute to our children, and we are forever grateful to the generous alumni. </p>
<p>I also said that those who cry with a loaf of bread under one arm have no idea what it is to need yet they complain that the cost of college is out of control for them. On campus’ throughout the country there are kids who are struggling financially to stay at their schools and many are working many hours if not full time to remain in school. This happens at even the top schools in this country.</p>
<p>I live in a community where my neighbors would never think that my kids are receiving any aid and I have heard them talk about financial aid kids as being the poor kids who take away the spots of their children. The same children that vacation several times a year at their second homes around the globe. The same kids who need multiple tutors to check their work before they hand it in, and the same kids who think they are entitled to attend these schools because mom and dad told them they were. These kids that I am talking about attend some of the best private schools in the state, while others are at some of the best boarding schools. These same kids work very hard academically but there is an attitude about many of them that because they have had these advantages that makes them entitled to the top schools. Heck, their parents have been paying hefty tuition for the private schools they have been attending so why would they think anything less for college. Most of these schools have councelors employed specially to work with the kids during the application process just to ensure that their students will make a good showing at the top schools. How else would they sell their school if they did’nt have top schools to flaunt to perspective parents who want their child in their school. </p>
<p>When my first son was admitted to MIT, I remember some members of my community wondering what or how he managed that. When sons 2 and 3 were admitted to Cornell the following year, I again received the same type of questions. My husband and I are very low key in my town. We are way too busy doing our own thing and worrying about our life to pay attention to the trivial bull^$%* of our neighbors. It became evident that we were the talk of many because we had the modest home and did our own lawn work and cleaned and painted our own house. Our cars are old and we don’t travel on school holidays to wonderful destinations. That was our lifestyle prior to my husbands job lose but life happened, and we had to make adjustments. Our kids education was always our priorty because my husband and myself did not have that growing up, and we wanted our kids to have the opportunities that we did’nt have. We viewed education as the ticket to opportunities that we did’nt have until retirement. We both attended college, but neither of us could have dreamed of what my first three kids have right now. My kids grew up during our lean years so they did not benefit from our better times. They did however benefit greatly from our years of financial struggle because that was when our life became emersed in our family. We searched for every free event and museum we could take our four kids to. We hiked and camped and grew our own veggies and we read lots of books…lots and lots of books. We bought a microscope and would spend hours looking at the samples we took on our hikes under the lens. This is how my kids grew up…simple and without the paid for enrichment of the kids around them. Our house was the gathering place for the other kids because we did all the fun stuff that their parents would never think of. The things we did were free or really inexpensive. We would help out with local charities on Saturday mornings and our kids ran in the community or county sponsered events. They built their own forts in the backyard sometimes to the horror of my neighbors. They became familar with tools and used books as their guide to make interesting structures. When they raked our lawn, the neighbor kids would stand around them and ask to help because they thought it looked like fun. We bought some extra rakes that fall. You see, there is no secret to college admissions and much to the surprise of many the largest factor in college admission is to really enjoy learning. If a child is curious, which most are until schools and parents dull it, than a child will blossom into a well rounded and creative adult. Nature was my childrens teacher and that did not cost us anything. So the next time people look at the URM’s and the kids receiving full aid don’t think for a minute that these kids do not belong at the top schools, they just got there differently than your kids did. Nobody knows what goes on in other peoples home even in the best of neighborhoods there are people struggling in this economy. Some of us have been lucky to hold on while others have not. I do thank God for our good fortune in being able to keep our home because our business depends on the very same people who wonder how our kids did it. </p>
<p>I did not mean to say that because people are wealthy their kids are spoiled brats but many of the people in my community are spoiled. They are spoiled because they forgot where they came from and they forgot that not everyone is or was so fortunate to have the opportunities they have had. I remind my kids all the time that I sent them to these schools so that they could continue to pay forward what they have been so blessed to receive. They have not disappointed me. If I came across as anything less than grateful than I need to be forgiven for my inability to articulate my ideas. </p>
<p>There was a poster that did not understand my post regarding what I said about my daughters high tuition at her first school. I did not expect her school to contribute more aid. I was happy that my daughter had the opportunity to attend that school and we took out equity on our home to see her attend. That situation did not work out for daughter with great sadness for all of us. The point that I was making regarding her school not giving her the financial aid that MIT and Cornell provided for our sons was that we were willing to have her attend her dream school even though it was a hardship to our family. We would have made it work if our daughter was able to succeed there. That was our choice to invest in her but it just did’nt work out. Now we are paying that money back slowly and my daughter is home and commuting to the state school. </p>
<p>Our life isn’t perfect and many times I would say that is has its share of sadness. We have had health issues, both my son and myself, and mental health issues with my daughter. The moral of the story is that we all do our best. I do not fault people who make choices to send their children to less expensive schools because I don’t know what is going on in their home, but I do get disgusted when people who have so much forget that the rest of the world may not be that fortunate. </p>
<p>As a side note…the people that I thank the most for teaching me how to make the most for my children are the Chinese immigrants in my community. They work effortlessly to provide the opportunities for their children to succeed. I did many things differently with my own kids but I learned so much from seeing how they do things. </p>
<p>I hope this post clarified my thoughts some what better than before. I am not a great communicator of my thoughts so I forget that you don’t know me.</p>