Years ago, my Husband had a wreck caused by an out-of-state driver who wasn’t familiar with turn lanes. She just stopped in the middle of a driving lane and put on her turn signal. Totaled our car and sent my husband to the ER to have a plastic surgeon pull glass pieces out of his face. My husband shared the fault with the turn signal driver, as he wasn’t paying close enough attention and didn’t stop in time. It was just something that he wasn’t expecting to happen…people who want to turn get into the middle turn lane. Period. That’s how it’s done. So even with my husband’s 10 plus years of driving experience, another driver did something unexpected, and our very first “new to us” car was totaled.
There is a difference between driving safely, obeying all the laws you have learned and driving defensively, watching out for the always looming possibility of some idiot (drunk or sober) pulling into your path, or a driver swerving because they take their eyes off the road to reach for something in their car, etc.
And driving on unfamiliar roads in busy cities can be unnerving also. Checking your route and searching for the correct exit, realizing you need to be over 2 more lanes at the last minute, it is all stressful, even for experienced drivers.
At this point, you don’t yet know what you don’t know about driving. Kind of like you start out learning the rules of playing Chess, but it takes lots of time and practice to master the best strategies for winning the game. You are hearing a lot of the same comments from multiple parents, and I am hoping you can accept there is some truth here to what we are objecting to.
As someone who traveled a lot on my own when I was young (my parents were overseas) I can only echo what others have said. For a while my parents were a seven hour drive away and it was exhausting. There was at least one return trip when I had to stop every half hour and do jumping jacks I was so sleepy. In retrospect I just should have found a motel and taken a nap. I’d probably be okay with a trip on public transportation or with the aunt.
I totally understand wanting to get started visiting colleges and think the suggestion of looking at some nearby ones i- even ones you think you don’t want to attend - is a good one. For example I took my son to both Bard and Vassar even though he thought he didn’t want to attend an LAC. He hated Bard - too small, too rural, but Vassar stayed on the list. It’s in a small city and is on the larger size for LACs. He figured if come April senior year he changed his mind about LACs he’d have one (assuming he got in.) Bard brought up some ideas he hadn’t thought about - like the required senior thesis.
I am also one who did long roadtrips in high school. However, 4 hours was about my max before getting stiff and sleepy. I did a ~20 hour drive but with my now-ex alternating driving my senior year. With that said, it’s too dangerous especially in the winter. If it was summer I might have a slightly different opinion.
At 16 I would never let my kid drive somewhere like that on their own. However, based upon your maturity level (which only your parents can gauge at this time), you may be able to make the trip on your own by using some form of public transportation. Do you know someone there at the school already that can host you while you are there? If so go that route.
Otherwise, let a parent take you. They don’t have to stay with you every minute of the day. They can stay drop you off on campus or with a student host and go back to the hotel or off on their own. That way you can independently see the campus but still have adult supervision. So, I guess my advice would be to find a time that is good for your parent(s) to go with you and try to swing that.
Wouldn’t happen in our family. There is no reason for a long distance, unaccompanied overnight visit as a junior and many schools do not allow them until senior year anyway. Right now you are in the “window shopping” stage. You can determine the type of school you would like from visits to more local colleges. When you are in the “buying” stage, a more in depth visit to Vandy may be helpful. Also, Vandy classes are not in session on MLK day, probably not the best time to get a realistic feel of life there.
Since the reason you can’t visit with your father on MLK weekend is that the visit slots at Vandy are full, why don’t you find another school for you and your dad to visit that weekend. WUSTL? Northwestern? Rhodes? Check school calendars to see if classes are held on MLK day.
I would probably say No to the visit too.
Not based on your grades or driving record, though.
Though obvious of course is an 8 hr drive solo for a teen with just about a yr of experience.
For me, as a parent, the choice is financial. I would not be willing to let my 16 or 17 yr old child visit a college solo if I was expected to give thousands financially based the whim of a teen.
If the OP is paying 100% of the college costs, then I’d re-think my answer.
Your “need to be independent” post 21 sounds so cute. My S said that too, then. So did I. I expect my parents did, at that age, and most parents here. Why it sounds so funny is since we have been there, we realize you are seeing your world’s perspective from a 16 yr old point of view. We have the benefit of having been there years ago, plus all the learning we have done since then. Driving brings a small degree of independence.
If you are really trying to be independent, how much do you chip in weekly for rent, utilities, home upkeep, phone, clothes, food, insurance, car costs, and other living expenses? To a child, independent means fewer rules but still living on the parent’s dime. To an adult, it means being able to make ones own choices largely due to being self-supporting. You cannot be independent if others are supporting you. Even as an adult, my choices ar limited by wife, S, finances, pets, employer and others.
No, never would happen in my household. I would not need to give any explanation to my Ds, but basically it’s just not safe for a 16 year old to be traveling alone 8 hours in a car. Period. Especially without sufficient driving experience.
I worry when my now 20 year old drives back to school by herself. It’s an 8 hour drive, but she breaks it up by stopping half way at her aunt and uncle’s house and spending the night. This way she gets rest and gets to spend time with her younger cousins and get a great meal!
Now, having said that, my oldest Ds college offered a “sleeping bag” weekend in which they provided an airport pickup and all transport to and from. So she registered for it and flew by herself. DH and I were OK with this as it was a university sanctioned event.
I let my boys go visit colleges alone (as long as the college would house them in an overnight). I figured they needed to make the trip back and forth on their own if they attended so going it alone was a test of desire and willingless to do what it takes to get from here to there. I also let the boys drive long distance…but kids start driving at 14 years, 9 months in Michigan so by 18 they had been driving around 3 years.
16 is too young i think. We did take two cars to Colorado one year and my oldest was a 16 year old and drove one car all the way with a friend but we were behind him the entire trip.
Oh and i would say “no” if there was winter driving involved. When S1 went to visit a college senior year in January i had him fly and I had him picked up at the airport since he was too young to rent a car.
I don’t know the drivers license restrictions for your state, but in many states now there are restrictions for 16/17 year old drivers. Some of these restrictions are number of passengers, driving only with family, restricted hours for driving and only driving in home state.
You cannot convince your parents. They will let you do whatever they feel comfortable with. We have nothing to do with it. Personally, no words can change my opinion in regard to anything. I do not care who said what, I only rely om my personal expirience. Most parents are making decisions this way. I would not let my HS’er to visit strange city on her own, there would be no hope for me changing my decision, frankly, she would have not asked, she would have known my answer.
So it is moot now, but I would have said no. I would have let you fly by yourself, however, if you had somewhere to stay on the other end, a dorm or a relative. I grew up driving at a young age and four hours at a time was my limit, too.
If I were you I would let the parents come. They probably want to come, and since they are the ones paying, it would be good to get them on your side now. My folks came to visit my colleges. They were naturally curious. I go with my kids to theirs. I want to know what they are looking at. Now I may be more liberal than your folks in that I will let them go where they want (really), but I still want to see the place.
Conversely, to the first post, I would let you go, but being a parent, I would need you to text me every few hours so I know you are ok. I would request that you don’t play music or take out your phone for any reason while driving.
But then my teen is currently studying on another continent, so I’m always flummoxed by these “oh my goodness, my child wants to go to college in the next state!” posts.
Try selling the trip to your mom as a fun bonding time. Maybe she’s different than all the other moms that I know but most moms would give their I teeth for 16 hours in the car with their teenager who was determined to have a fun weekend road trip. I LOVE a good road trip with my kids. It can be just about the only way to pin them down. Take turns driving and riding shotgun/DJ and just have a good time together. THAT’S the way to sell this.
Glad you decided not to ask. I don’t have children, but I wouldn’t let a hypothetical 17-year-old driver of mine take an 8-hour solo trip.
That said, I’m really responding to your assertion that you plan on visiting all of your schools before you are admitted, because you believe it doesn’t make sense to apply to a college if you’ve never seen it. I strongly disagree with that. Trips to colleges are far more expensive and time-consuming than a simple application - most college applications cost less than $100 to complete, whereas a trip to a college that involves a flight could easily be upwards of $300-500. That’s not even taking into account the value of your time (and of your parents’ time). @mathyone also makes a good point, in that you might spend $$$ visiting a college that you have slim chances of being admitted to, and end up falling in love with a place that you don’t get into.
I do agree that it’s nice to visit a few colleges before you apply to get a feel for what you like and what values you have, but those should be local colleges (regardless of whether or not you want to attend) just to get a feel - something you can drive to on <= $20 of gas in <= 2 hours or so.
When it really matters is when you’ve been admitted, have financial aid packages and hand, and have maybe narrowed yourself down to a handful of places (like 2-4) that you can’t decide between - then the feel of the campus is both important and can be accurately assessed. But trying to squeeze in visits to 10 or so colleges between now and September sounds…difficult.
I’d never let a kid do it who hadn’t been driving on their own for a couple years, no tickets, no traffic violations and a kid that has driven in all kinds of driving conditions and yes, I’d want to hear from the kid every gas stop - no phoning or texting while driving. @Madison85, terrible things can happen to anyone at anytime. There are inattentive drivers of all ages.
As a mom of 2 teenagers, I would have to say “No” to the solo trip. I guess if you ask my kids they would say I was very protective Driving alone that many hours by yourself is never a good idea. I would wait until one of your parents are able to make the trip there. There are just too many things that can go wrong! Good luck
Driving alone that many hours by yourself is never a good idea. I would wait until one of your parents are able to make the trip there. There are just too many things that can go wrong! Good luck