Hi everyone! As you all know from the title, I’m currently experiencing debate issues. I have been in my high school’s debate team for awhile-- middle of junior year (last year) to now senior year. I actually started participating in debates this year. I decided to join so late, because someone convinced me that debates are fun and the team gets to travel all around the country. Also, a close friend said that she would be my debate partner throughout this year-- keep in mind she has been in debate for her entire high school career. I’m also a pretty shy/awkward person, who was and still is afraid of getting humiliated in a debate-- I still decided to join anyway to try out a new thing! A major factor that won me over was that my friend promised to be my partner throughout the whole ordeal; however, now she wants to be someone else’s debate partner…I’m absolutely crushed that she does not want to be my debate partner anymore :(. When she told me she didn’t want to be my partner anymore, through text message by the way, I felt my heart sink. I played it off by saying that it’s actually fine and that it’s good that she found someone who is a more competent debater than I am-- but I’m actually very sad about it :(. I’m not resentful, because she has WAY more experience than I do-- I would just hold her back. Now I have to look for a new partner-- probably a freshman… Which sucks, because I’m painfully awkward with people I don’t know. My question is how do I cope with this loss and should I drop out of debate this late into the year? Thank you all for your time!
tl:dr- Experienced debate partner abandoned me for another person. How do I cope with this, and should I drop debate?
You may have some social anxiety. It is good to learn coping skills now when you are in HS. If this is severely impacting your life I would consider talkign to a doctor about anti-anxiety medication.
So to me, debate will help you gain skills you need for college and life. Because you are going to have to meet people you don’t know at college and work. Take this on as a challenge…Work on your public speaking. Work on getting to know and work with your new partner. Work on understanding issues.
Talk to your friend and say that although you understand she can’t be your partner, you did this with the understanding you would get her support, so you would like her to give you feedback on what to work on.
Hey everyone, thanks for all the support! I have decided to remain in debate, because it is a good opportunity for me to become a more vocal person. Even though I dread it now, I feel as if I should stick it out. I’ll get a new partner and work my best to become the best debater I can be :)! Sorry for the late response. I really was thinking SO much about it, but I am sure I made the right decision.
Sorry for joining in late, but I actually think that you kind of dodged a bullet. I became debate partners with a close friend and it completely ruined our relationship. Losing a partner can be very upsetting, especially when you are starting out. You might want to consider LD so that you don’t have to deal with the whole partner thing.
I was considering doing LD, but I don’t have that much experience to be standing on my own. It also gives me MUCh more anxiety thinking about debating on my own. On the plus side if I do LD, then I could just humiliate myself lol. Maybe I’ll switch to LD later in the year, when I feel more confident in myself. Thanks for the suggestion!
Hey! I’m a sophomore and I currently do LD (traditional w/ lay judges, but I also went to a nat circuit camp this past summer). I’m also painfully shy and awkward, so I completely get your concerns. As a fellow shy person, I feel that debate has definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone, but IMO the benefits have been entirely worth it! I’m now a lot more comfortable talking with people I don’t know, both with competitors from other schools and with my judges. It’s helped me with my speaking style and how to think critically while viewing topics from both perspectives.
You mention in your original post that you worry about being humiliated. I’ve been to maybe about 15 tournaments so far, and I just wanted to say that I’ve never encountered a situation where I felt embarrassed or looked down upon during a round. My competitors are always super friendly, and judges are always polite and understanding. Debate is an educational activity–fellow debaters want you to learn and grow. I’ve made silly arguments, dropped my own case (forgot to respond to my opponent’s attacks on my case, so I dropped everything lol), and dropped my computer within round many times before. It’s all a part of the learning process!
My advice is to go for it. I decided to join speech and debate my freshman year because I had a paralyzing fear of public speaking, and I’m really glad I did–debate has helped me in so many ways. Tournaments are great, and after going to a camp, I’m now completely obsessed with debate.
Feel free to PM me if you have any more questions, about debate in general or LD!
