To all you fellow high achieving, starry eyed Ivy League hopefuls out there I want to ask this question:
Do you all know what you want to do in life?
Applying to college is one thing but choosing a major and essentially a career is another. So let me give you some background about myself. I’m entering my senior year of high school very, very soon. I’m third in my class out of over 500 students at your average suburban public school, I do clubs and I hold leadership positions, I enter competitions and I score well on my standardized testing, I come from a fairly wealthy family etc etc etc. There’s a million other stories like mine out there.
But I don’t know what do with my life and it frightens me. It terrifies me and shakes me to the core. I’m an extremely emotional person and prone to anxiety. For the past month I’ve been in this constant state of anxiety and paranoia centered around the possibility of dying (but that’s a whole other story) and it’s been hard, but in this mess I’ve also been thinking about my future. And for as long as I can remember, I’ve never known what I want to do with my life. I really don’t know, but I feel like I should. I watch all these people around me discuss plans and aspirations, some in the medical field, others in music ed, so on and so forth. And then there’s me. I’ve been working all this time, spending all this effort for years. But what for?
Does anyone else in a similar position feel this way? Is it so unusual for someone who has strived to be a high achiever all their life to be so unsure and frightened? What do I tell colleges? What do I tell my parents? How can I tell my mother let alone some big shot admissions officer that I’m spiraling and lonely and afraid and want nothing more than to crawl under my covers and be eight years old again? Okay, well, I could never say that exactly but you get the gist.
I used to have a passion for writing and English but even that has fallen away over the years. And now I’m stuck in limbo where I wonder what I could possibly do with my life, but also fear the missed opportunities I may have if my life were cut short for some freak reason. I’ve been having some serious hypochondriac like tendencies the past few weeks and this existential crisis isn’t helping my focus. I don’t think I can handle school in this state. I can’t concentrate. It’s been awful and I can’t even distinguish if I should actually seek professional health or if this is a normal reaction to the life decisions ahead of me. Regardless, all I know is I feel terribly alone. I can’t focus on calculus and whatnot if I’m worried about my literal existence every waking moment.
Please share your experiences fellow CC’ers. Hearing your stories would be wonderful.
Hang in there Kasami! Most new college students don’t know what they want to major in - that’s a big part of what college is for and a great opportunity to explore. Many of your first year courses will apply to any major so you have time to figure it out. Explore your interests - breath - and have fun!
And just so you know…even if you have a certain major in college you may well end up in a separate career. I have an accounting degree but work in the IT field.
For me (HS C/O 2015), it’s been incredibly obvious what fields I’m going to be pursuing in college, but for many others, I realize the path ahead is not as clear.
Everything will be okay.
But you should start asking yourself some questions. Begin with your high schools classes, what kind of classes have you enjoyed? Which kinds of classes have left you bored and waiting for the period to end? If you can answer these questions, you already have a reasonable idea of what kinds of things you’ll enjoy doing professionally. Do a little research.
You probably won’t be applying to Brown PLME or UPenn Wharton because you’re not set on pre-med or business like those students are, but there are plenty of other places you can end up.
Usually, answering the question of “what do I want to do with my life” is the same as answering the question “what do I enjoy doing with my life and how does that translate to a profession.” Good luck on senior year, and realize that you are not alone.
When I was younger, I wanted to be a variety of things, but never really had a burning passion for any of them.
So I have OCD and one day I ht a low. Then in all my fear, out of the blue, I just decided I wanted to be a psychiatrist. I wanted to be the person that I so wanted. I wanted to be better and to not make the mistakes I had seen my therapists/psychiatrists make over the years. It just hit me out of nowhere.
I think it’s really one of those things you can’t make happen. You can’t make yourself fall into love with a career just like you can’t make yourself fall in love with a person. You just stumble upon it when you weren’t even looking.
I do still sometimes debate whether I want to go into psychiatry or surgery, which I also like, and worry about it. I always remind myself of one of my all time favorite quotes from Grey’s Anatomy’s Christina Yang:
“Whenever we think we know the future, even for a second, it changes. Sometimes it changes quickly and completely, and we’re only left with the choice of what to do now. We can chose to be afraid of it, to stand there trembling, not moving, assuming the worst could happen, or we can step forward into the unknown and assume it will be brilliant.”
Maybe I’ll become a psychiatrist, who knows. I just have to remind myself that if I keep working hard and doing what I love, I’ll end up the right place.
Like others said, your not alone. Lots of people feel this way. If your anxiety is interfering with your life, it is probably a good idea to seek professional help. So don’t stress, you still have your entire life ahead of you to discover and do great things.
I decided I wanted to be a social worker at the beginning of sophomore year. I’d previously wanted to be a vet, but I’m terrible at science.
At least half of students change their major, and several will three times! I’m the only one of my friends who’s sure what they want to do, so you’re definitely not alone! If your anxiety/stress becomes unbearable, talk to a therapist! They can definitely help. Good luck!