I accepted an offer from a school last night and today I am rejecting my other offers. I feel odd just checking a box on a website, Is it bad form to send an e-mail thanking them for their offer? Should I tell them where I am going? Why I declined? I am not trying to accomplish anything, but I feel rude declining their generous offers without at least thanking them for the opportunity.
When a school that rejected me, they sent a nice letter. Shouldn’t I do the same?
Thank you
I meant to say “When a school rejected me, they sent a nice letter. Shouldn’t I do the same?”
Thank you
You can if you like. Make sure you check the box though so their computer systems know too. 
Right, you can do both. Makes more sense if you are addressing your note to a real person rather than the “admissions office.”
I wouldn’t say where you are going, just that you made a different choice. But an email saying that you appreciate their offer, and if was difficult to turn them down, say so Is fine. It never hurts to be nice, and if you decide to transfer from your first choice, a school where you were accepted before can be an easier application & acceptance option.
My D called the school recruiters who she had close contact with during the scholarship rounds to express her gratitude for their interest and generous offers. She dreaded making the calls because she truly appreciated their efforts on her behalf. The university that ended up being the hardest to decline though was the one that she went through the website because she had to go to multiple locations to decline. (Even today she received two reminders from that university - one from their honors college and one from a scholarship committee - that she needed to accept their offers, so she’s still “declining”. LOL.)
A nicely written email is great. I would include your decision on where you are going because, frankly, schools want to know this.
At some schools, they ask you to give them a whole lot of information - why you declined, where you are going, etc. At some point it felt a little invasive for my D.
They want to know, but it really isn’t their business. One of the schools my D2 declined sent a huge (like, 5 pages!!) questionnaire after she declined asking all about her decision, where she decided to go, her perception of the college, etc. It was nuts, and my kid was so done with the whole application process after two years of visiting, applying, stressing, etc. that she wouldn’t do it. I could not blame her one bit. I can see answering a few questions, but this was a full blown “why don’t you love us?” survey. To be fair to that school, they also sent her a letter that said if she was not happy at the school she picked and wanted to transfer, they could reactivate her original application and expedite her admission decision if she later wants to transfer. They did really want her, I think.
IMO the most important thing is to decline the offer however they ask in a timely basis. This will give the schools the information they need to decide if they want to go to the waitlist etc. As noted above, some schools will send you a follow-up (which my kids generally did unless it was ridiculously long as described in the example above) and that is another way to show your appreciation for your offer. At this the schools priority is to complete their incoming class.
If you want to send a note to a school you chose not to attend that is up to you. I would say that it would be a nice touch in any cases where you had contact with the admissions officer. My D sent a note to two people that she interviewed with when she decided not to apply to the school they represented (she got into her top choice ED). One admission officer did not reply and one wrote her a lovely note back. I would not send a note to a school that did not accept you not matter how lovely the rejection letter was.
It just depends upon how much of a bond you formed with that school via personal interactions. There were some schools my D felt fine checking a box, whereas there were others that she felt she needed to write a personal note to faculty members for whom she auditioned (music major).
If you just don’t do anything, won’t the schools realize that you aren’t going after May 1 passes and you haven’t deposited. While my D has committed to a school, she still has two that she hasn’t declined yet. For one, she can’t even find the information to get into their portal - she seems to have misplaced it. At this point, I’m thinking to just let it go. By next week they will realize she won’t be coming. She didn’t develop any personal contacts at either school so its not like there is a person she knows to email.
I think you might be right me29034. My son just got a notice from Purdue stating that if he did not accept the offer by May 2 his admission would be cancelled by May 3. Maybe the big schools do it that way.
My son emailed letters to the alumni and the travelling admissions officers he interviewed with. Besides being the polite thing to do, it could help set the table for future students applying from his high school.
Yes, but it is good manners. It gives the school the info so that May 1 they can really start dealing with their yield results and figuring out waitlist offers. If you don’t get back to them, they have to wait to make sure something isn’t in the mail. And it cannot hurt to have finished on a positive, responsible note. You have no idea what the future will bring – your kid may be back on their doorstep in a year or two.
Didn’t get the edit done in time on my previous post. Here’s the rest:
My son also sent thank you letters to alumni interviewers at a school that denied him and another that waitlisted him (he’s not accepting the WL offer, so it’s not a lobbying effort).
All of the letters were tailored to the things that S and the interviewer had talked about. He did mention the college where he will be enrolling but he did not say specifically why he chose this college over theirs, just that the decision had been difficult.
The promise of getting preference in a transfer is excellent incentive to fill out a ridiculously long questionaire, but it’s also incentive to be less than honest in your answers. Yeah, I probably wouldn’t push my kid to do it unless he wanted to, but if he did, I’d strongly suggest that none of his answers be bridge burners.
Irony: S has been dawdling with what he calls his “Dear John” letters, and as he was procrastinating yesterday he opened his email to find an additional scholarship offer from his runner-up. He said it felt like the girlfriend you plan to break up with showing up at your house with a present. Doesn’t make it any easier.
Also goes to show that, if you’re turning down a school because it didn’t offer enough money – not my son’s deciding factor, though his first choice was indeed cheaper – it’d be wise to push, because the money may be there in a “Deploy Later” reserve pot. (Plus, well, IMO he should get done with those emails already, because someone else could use that money …)
My D2 is writing several “Dear John” letters (using @MomOnALaptop’s term) to several schools. Especially to the schools that gave her significant scholarships, honors and perks or made her acceptance personal. She has one left to write, although she already completed the online rejection portion for all of them so they can move on.
She is not writing a letter to one school, because the school’s admission was not personal, and she didn’t have any connection there that made her think they especially wanted her or cared that she attended. She checked on her portal that she isn’t attending and said where she’s going and that was that.
@Otterma, the letter about transferring & the survey arrived separately. The survey appeared to be anonymous.