I wouldn’t say it’s declining resiliency-those two stories that were mentioned in the article summary were anecdotal.I’m sure that there are plenty of students on campus who visit counseling services because:
A) They’re having trouble adjusting, and therapy is there to help you through major changes
B) They had a pre-existing mental health condition, and are choosing to use services that the school provides
C) There was a traumatic event that they’ve experienced, or they’ve slipped into a depression of sorts or something similar.
Furthermore, we don’t only go to the doctor when we’re sick. We go for well visits too. Preventative mental health care can be very beneficial-the students who go and seek preventative care before mental illnesses make things even more difficult are taking care of themselves. That’s brave, not weak.
My point about the prolific use of therapy is how to the kids it wasn’t a treatment but an activity. Even the kids thought it was ridiculous. “Oh, I had a bad day in school today, guess I need therapy. LOL”
But, I admit, I come from a generation when you saw a therapist for real issues. Most of the time you were expected to suck it up and get on with it. So maybe the article about the lack of resilience today is based more upon my frame of reference.
As far as seeking mental health help, it takes a brave person to ask for help. When I was younger, it was such a taboo to go see a psychiatrist that people tried to hide their illness. I had postpartum depression when my younger kid was born. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t “shake it off.” My ob gyn sent me to see a psychiatrist and it saved me. Last year when I hit bottom with multiple lost in my life, I went back to therapy. Again, I was able to feel better after seeing a professional. I think I am one of the most resilient person, but there are times when I need help and I am not afraid to ask for it.
My younger daughter also asked to see a therapist when we separated. She was able to work out her angst and feelings with a professional. I think she is in a better place because of the help she received.
I don’t think people should feel weak for seeing a therapist.
And I agree. I am currently trying to get my oldest to see a therapist. She is making some really horrible decisions and simply will not talk to me. When you truly need help, or truly think you could use it, get it.
"But, I admit, I come from a generation when you saw a therapist for real issues. Most of the time you were expected to suck it up and get on with it. "
It must have been a slow night for the police force. In our community, the police department would have some explaining to do if they spent tax payer dollars to provide pest control services. I’m pretty certain that’s not part of their job description.
I don’t think helicopter parenting is solely the fault of parents, but rather is due to a change in societal norms and the understanding of childhood. When we were growing up, kids were allowed to make mistakes and do silly, stupid, or rude and inappropriate things and no one got arrested or labeled a delinquent or criminal. Children could point an index finger at a “bad guy” on the playground and say “Bang, bang,” without being charged with making a terroristic threat. A kid could call another student a bad name three days in a row without getting suspended for bullying. A kindergarten boy could kiss a kindergarten girl he likes without being accused of sexual harassment. A middle school girl could share her lip gloss without being told she was causing a health hazard. Athletes could kidnap the mascot of the rival football team without being charged with theft. Seniors could paint the town water tower with their graduation year and no one labeled them vandals–just pranksters. A teenager could write something risque to another teenager on a note passed in class, and it never went viral because the teacher would tear it up. And any bigger mistakes or true crimes did not make internet headlines such that an 18 year old could never escape his tarnished reputation. Lastly, now parents can be sued for the actions of their underage children, even if they are not present on the scene. So to me it seems that parents need to be ever vigilant to protect the future of their children.
In other words, you are saying that “zero tolerance” now means that there is much less room for kids to make and learn from minor mistakes, because they are now treated as major mistakes leaving permanent records or other damage.
Just want to add that I’m afraid of rat and not mouse. My kids scream bloody murder at a daddy long legs and not a brown recluse. I think one is cute and the other could be deadly.
I’m suspicious of all trend stories like this. Often, superficial cultural changes are interpreted as fundamental changes in human behavior. For example, in my opinion kids call their parents a lot more now because it is cheap and easy to do so. It tells you nothing about how independent they actually are.
This is also the impetus for over-scheduling our children. I hear many parents say they have their kids in competitive sports or other very time-consuming EC’s to “keep them out of trouble.” But when the student goes off to college and has to manage his own time and activity schedule, he may feel confused or overwhelmed and may very well actually get into trouble.
I want to note that three friends who are approximately my age (they are all older than 55) have children who started college this past month, and one of them (and several other friends of roughly the same age) has a child still in high school. Children of boomers are still very much in the system.
I will add that most of the kids I know are pretty resilient. Friday evening, however, I was having dinner with friends, and one of their children – 27 years old, on a business trip, with her boyfriend or many years along – called for urgent advice on how to deal with seeing a cockroach in her hotel room. (I will add that she was in a city where cockroaches, while not necessarily welcome, are somewhat to be expected.) I wouldn’t call her unresilient – she actually has one of the coolest jobs in the world, which she worked her butt off and broke a few glass ceilings to get – but that was not an impressive display of her independence.
@JHS, your example suggests something that I think has come from cell phones, which is that our kids don’t conceive of themselves as being “away” from us, since they can call (essentially for free) at any time, even for a trivial matter, just as they would speak to us if they were at home. So, for example, you might not think anything of it if the 27-year-old was at home and called out from another room, “Ack, a roach! Dad, come kill it!”
My son recently called me numerous times about a table he was thinking about buying. He’s generally quite resilient, but he saw nothing strange about calling me up to discuss the various considerations. It was the same kind of conversation we might have if we were in the same room; that’s what has changed, in my opinion. We’re all in the same room.
“The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise” This quote was by Socrates. Grown ups have been saying this of youths for generations. No doubt, today’s students will say the same of their kids in the future.
Social media, obviously has had a profound effect. Back in my day, growing up in the 60-70s, as a preteen, there was very little parental oversight, except for maybe sports and overnights. We would go out from 8am in the morning till a whistle blew in our town, 4:45pm, to which, all forms of kids would be running home. So, while there are some really positive attributes towards technology and social-media (this website is a prime example), in many other instances, I think kids have not been allowed to fail on their own and make their own corrective action and education.
How healthy is it to be looking through a conscripted lens (that is what facebook and instagram are to a certain extent) and think everyone else has such a cool life, as compared to your own?? The one thing I appreciate my era is that you were actually present in someone else’s company, you were not taking a picture of it, or texting someone else about the great great fro-yo you just had-- you ate your orange creamsicle on the sidewalk with your 12 year old buddies, and that was it—it was not a photo op, nor was it to make someone else envious.
So, while I wish I could have had more parental involvement for my mom (single working mom), it did provide me other really valuable lessons on being self-sufficient and resourceful. I can tell, you from an early age, I was no one’s fool, and that has paid off just as handsomely as the degrees I got later. In short, one of the biggest lessons we can teach our kids, is that they have the ability to solve most of their problems by themselves…
Obviously, this whole thread is excuse enough to throw in our favorite theories on childraising.
I do not discount the colleges’ impressions of increasing mental fragility in college students. There is more than one reason, of course.
On the whole (and of course, your child is an exception, right?) children are leading much more circumscribed lives than in the recent past. This article is eye-opening: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-462091/How-children-lost-right-roam-generations.html Consider the map, outlining the ranges four successive generations of the same family were allowed to roam freely as children.
Modern children grow up surrounded by health and safety warnings. A Seattle school system attempted to ban tag this week, out of a concern for safety. Fortunately, national derision changed the verdict, but it’s a trend.
Most children have never been alone. If they aren’t in a classroom or at home, they can reach adults at the press of a button. They’ve never been without access to music. They’ve never been bored. They’ve never been unsupervised.
Many children grow up with a fear of not being perfect. That’s relatively new–and has to change how they regard others. I suspect they’re less likely to take on risk. What happens when they face a situation in which they must do something new, such as select courses from a course catalog? What happens when they have to deal with interpersonal interactions which really don’t have rules, such as dealing with roommates?