I appreciate all of the various impressions and experiences that everyone is willing to share. I know that in any common visit, two different families can often come away with very different impressions. Our shared, often conflicting, opinions truly drive home the need to follow your own instincts about what you think is best for your child.
We revisited Exeter and it definitely (sadly) led us to choose another school. While my child enjoyed the student assigned to be the “escort,” what we each observed and the general “feel” of the student community left us feeling sad. Most students were heads down, nearly at a run to get from class to class, and given the short distance between buildings, this was not a time crunch problem. When asked about this, a student said this was often due to trying to be first to class to “grab the easiest question off the board.” Apparently, in many classes, questions are written on the board before class and students each have to take one to solve during class. The goal is to be first to arrive for the best choice, e.g., easiest. This was the only school where we saw several students sitting alone at various dining room tables (not engaged in any activity other than eating…alone). Amongst parents and faculty/staff here was much discussion and open concern about the level of pressure on the students and the universal response was, “Yes, but it’s manageable.” Several students openly said they were often “nervous wrecks” and one commented about having to closely schedule her days, to the point where she had to remember to schedule free time with friends now and then.
Of course it’s incredibly challenging – most of the schools in this “tier” are. Aren’t most kids accepted to schools of this caliber already somewhat experienced with fair time management and know how to manage academic pressure? Yet sadly, the level of anxiety that we felt from students, the emphasis on how students must learn to deal with extraordinary stress, and the overall interaction (and lack thereof) between students – male and female, resulted in our feeling stressed, and saddened.
We wanted to prefer Exeter, for a lot of reasons, and honestly, it was hard to turn away from a school that is that well-respected and which offers so much, inside and outside of the classroom. In the end though, we made a different choice that felt like a better overall match for our child at this stage.