<p>I was deferred from Bowdoin ED and my guidance counselor recommended that I write them an email to say it is still my first choice and why, and an update of what I've been doing this semester. Is this email ok or does it come off as too self-congratulatory?
Also--who should I send the email to? I was thinking either the dean of admissions or the officer who is going to read my file (or both?)</p>
<p>Dear :</p>
<p>I am writing to inform you about an addition to my application. Though I was deferred last month, Bowdoin remains my first choice. I have been taking Economics in IB Higher Level for the past two years, and I would love to continue studying the subject at Bowdoin. As it is my intended major, the strong Economics Department at Bowdoin was a significant factor in my decision to apply early decision. I particularly look forward to courses in microeconomics, which is my personal favorite branch of economics, and courses that combine economics and law. I believe that I would bring something to the college through my international perspective, excellent work ethic, and outgoing personality.</p>
<p>In the first semester of my senior year, I became a writer for one of America's leading humor websites, Cracked. My first article was recently accepted for publication and will be featured on the site sometime within the next three months. This project involved extensive research, and I am proud of the final result. As you know from my application, ballet has been a very important part of my life. I was cast as Cinderella in my dance school's production of the ballet, which will take place this spring. I will also be taking the Royal Academy of Dance exams at the end of this year.</p>
<p>Academically, I have continued to thrive this semester. I have improved in IB English Higher Level, bringing my grade up from a B+ last year to an A- in the first quarter, and my English teacher commented on my marked improvement in writing and analytical skills. I have also improved in my Honors Humanities course. Because of a scheduling conflict, I could only take the English portion of the class. However, I arranged with the teachers to study to the material for the Social Studies portion on my own, and take tests and hand in assignments through independent study. Though this has been a challenge, I have kept my grade in both portions of the course at an A.</p>
<p>Thank you very much for your continued consideration of my application.</p>
<p>This is all on your application. You aren’t adding to it at all by writing this. Instead, you should be writing about why you want to go to Bowdoin…</p>
<p>Actually the entire second paragraph is new information…the grades bit is in the midyear report, but they won’t know about the self-study from there, it just lists me as being in the course. should I still cut that bit?</p>
<p>You completely ignored my main point. Stop talking about you and start talking about why you are relevant to the school. They couldn’t care less if you are self-studying unless if you are preparing for something you want to take at their school.</p>
<p>They will have your semester grades when they review your application again. That is completely pointless information to give them. They won’t be emailing you back and say, “you are accepted!” This email will be plopped into the folder with the rest of the application for the second review since you were deferred.</p>
<p>Your whole first paragraphs are regurgitating information that should already be on your application. You need to just delete it all.</p>
<p>Sorry, I didn’t mean to “completely ignore your main point” I’m just trying to reconcile a lot of conflicting advice from my slightly clueless school faculty. I’ll try to focus more on the school.</p>
<p>I actually liked the concept of your original letter. The first paragraph helps them to see what your intended area of study is, which is the main reason you’re going to college. However, I would start the 2nd paragraph with something like … Since I submitted my original application, I would like to point out two areas where I have recently gotten very positive recognition, writing and ballet, that I believe will help you see how my talents can add to the Bowdoin community. (then go on with your 2nd paragraph)</p>
<p>I generally don’t comment on the content of these kinds of submissions but be aware that before you send anything check Bowdoin’s rules for sending additional information. Some colleges don’t want anything, some only new things, and some may want it in a letter that is mailed rather than an email.</p>
<p>I think overall the letter is good one. I would just edit out anything that is not new information to them. The letter should be short and to the point - confirm your strong interest in Bowdoin and give them the new info that buoys your app. I would also take out the part on independent study - just tell them of the improvement in your grade.</p>
<p>does anyone know who I should send the email to? The dean of admissions, the particular admissions officer who will read my file, or the general admissions office email?</p>
<p>I think its a lovely letter, and you’ve gotten good advice. Definitely tell them about Cinderella and publication. Nice paragraph about “why Bowdoin”. Good luck!</p>