<p>Our S has progressed from senioritis in the fall to possible issues of alcohol addiction and marijuana abuse now. He was recently diagnosed with anxiety disorder and has been seeing professionals for treatment. Of course all of this has come to a head as he made a college choice for next fall (a "more selective" but not top school that is far away). Lots of issues that are not for this group of course but wonder if anyone has familiarity with deferring admission for a year to sort out an issue like this. And, if so, what to disclose? His school(s) all have said that a deferral is possible as long as there is a reasonable stated reason and plans for the year are disclosed and don't include enrolling in a degress program somewhere else. If there is a decision that starting school next fall is not really the right thing to do we would like not to have to repeat the application process from a position of less strength and more pressure, and do not want to prejudice his school against him if it turns out he is able to attend.</p>
<p>My son is taking a deferral year just because. What he gave for a reason was “continue my volunteer work and maybe get a job” (and yes, the “maybe” was in the reason), and that was good enough for the school. In fact, they replied “either or both would be fine with us”.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t recommend lying because it’s wrong and because it can come back to haunt you, but you don’t have to say much. Also, plans are only plans. The school may be happy with “decompress, regroup, take the time to consider what I want to major in, and improve my health”, which is absolutely honest. Lots of colleges are getting pretty happy about gap years. I don’t think they’ll be looking for an excuse to deny it. One of the reasons they like it is because kids come back more focused and ready for work, and the above excuse fits.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Not clear he is going to be in treatment for alcohol or drug issues. Clearer that he may be getting some help. Thanks.</p>
<p>It sounds like he might still be able to attend. </p>
<p>Lots of students have issues at this time of life. I would not go into details unless you are going to want accommodations for him of some kind, or services from the school. Just “personal reasons” would be enough.</p>
<p>It doesn’t hurt either, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about, but in general, when privacy is possible, we go for it.</p>
<p>If the school asks, that is another matter.</p>
<p>The “mental issues” in the title is a little old-fashioned, I guess I would say. Addiction is a medical condition, depression is a medical/psychiatric condition, and all kids are having “adjustment” problems in senior year.</p>
<p>If your son is willing to see a counselor, go to AA, or whatever he considers a path to recovery, then perhaps he will be able to go. It could keep him motivated, and there would be plenty of peers to relate to with some similar problems.</p>
<p>Are you afraid of what might happen with him that far away? I can relate (long story). or is it your son who does not want to go?</p>
<p>Can you wait a bit and see if he turns a corner and wants to go? Or do you have to give the school a warning that he may not go this fall?</p>
<p>I think that if he may not show up in the fall, it’s far better to have a formal deferral than to just hope that he can come next year instead. They make plans and room assignments and everything. If there’s a formal deferral in place, and you decide in August that all is well, you could always ask if they have extra space.</p>
<p>don’t rush it, let your son get healthy!! that is most important!! “for health reasons” is an important reason to defer admission. freshman year is so so full of incredible ups and downs for these kids, I sure would not risk putting your son into that scenario, given what he has just gone through, especially if it is far from home. there is great risk of relapse in most of these situations, and add to that risk the traumas of heading off to college - not a good idea, in my humble opinion. let him get healthy and gain some confidence!!!</p>
<p>but, if, and when, you do send him off, buy tuition insurance every year!!!</p>
<p>Call the admissions office. It sounds like you might be on the fence about sending him to school right now. Just think about how you would feel with him far away knowing that he is having these problems. It is the worst feeling knowing that you are here and your kid is away. Just keep him home for at least this year until you know what is going on with him. You mentioned that the school he would have been attending is far from home. That is a dangerous situation to be in when an 18 year year is experiencing problems. My daughter lasted one year away until she was barely able to hold it together and we brought her home. One year later with alot of therapy and medication she is doing much better but it is a slow process. Even now I think my daughter would be at risk if she was to go away again. The road to recovery is not quick and going away to college can wait. Was your son accepted at a state school? Could he take a couple classes at a CC or the state school while he is taking care of himself? It sounds like he just needs to deal with whats most important right now and that is getting better and getting clean. I wish you and your son all the best and right now school is just not the best thing.</p>
<p>I agree w/ BayAreaCAMom - - don’t rush it. Deferral sound good, and during the year, OP’s family should consider whether the college in question is still a good choice for S with alcohol/drug/anxiety issue – and not just the campus culture or on-camus services. Many LACs are in fairly remote communities w/o proximity to specialty health professionals, the informal sevices (AA and NA meeting) or the infrastructure (public transit allowing him to get to meetings and treatment) to support a young adult in recovery.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>I agree I would not rush anything. In fact I would find out when the last date is that your son can deferr. You need time to figure out if this is an emotional problem, a high school friends problem, a true addition problem. You need some time this summer to see how he fairs…so many things that pushing the decision out is good. But I, as a parent, would also like to push out the "to deferr or not to deferr question as far as possible.</p>
<p>If your son were to take a gap year, I think it would be important to have some things/activities planned out in addition to continuing with his therapy. Would it be possible for his current therapist to contact Student Health or a therapist in the area of the LAC to see if it would be feasible to continue with his therapy? That might help set your mind at ease.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, one of my kids had a close friend whose senior spring included serious substance abuse problems and at least one suicide attempt. The student deferred college for a year, worked a pretty stupid job, had lots of therapy, and made very slow two-steps-forward, one-step-back progress. (At one point during the year, the friend visited my kid at college, and my kid had to send the friend home early – and call the parents – because of obvious, out-of-control drug use.) Flash forward a few years, and the student in question is doing great at a demanding college, on track to graduate with honors, wonderful relationship. I’m not sure about 100% “clean and sober”, but I have seen the bright eyes and mature attitude, and I think the kid is OK now.</p>
<p>College and living away from home for the first time are HUGE stressors. I wouldn’t put a kid with a new set of problems just beginning treatment under that level of stress – way too many opportunities for things to blow up.</p>
<p>I agree with previous posters that I’d have him request a deferral for health or medical reasons. I don’t think that will be a problem and much better to have a deferral in hand than have to go through the application process again. Give him some time to get these issues sorted out before adding all the stress of adjusting to a whole new environment and leaving home. One issue to keep in mind is that mental health issues often arise in young adulthood, so I think it makes sense to take time to see how this all works out for him. In the meantime, I’d work with him to make a plan for making this be a meaningful, satisfying gap year, whatever he chooses to do.</p>
<p>Agree that deferral is a good choice. I wonder if your son could get involved in a solid GAP year service project that would be away from your home community but with appropriate mental health support available? </p>
<p>D knows of a young man from her school that did some type of therapeutic service program in Costa Rica. I don’t know anything about the cost or the program. The young man is doing well in his current college and elected (on his own) for substance free housing.</p>
<p>I would be concerned about remaining at home and simply working/ attending therapy and support groups. It is very difficult for young people to avoid slipping into old patterns of substance abuse.</p>
<p>I would vote for a service program with solid mental health services available.</p>
<p>Didn’t read all the posts, but know two kids who basically just deferred for the first semester for exactly the reasons you describe (only the issues came to light over the summer and not this far in advance). I really don’t know what they told the school, but the one kid was surely there in January. This was Fairfield University. The other deferred from original college and then ended up applying elsewhere and will be starting freshman year this fall. Not sure what they told the school, but it all seemed to work out fine.</p>
<p>In my opinion… it is far better to sit back and garner a little maturity vs going to college and proceeding to party right out again. There is a lot of adjustment to that freshman year and if overindulgence is an issue before, it’s sure to be an issue then.</p>