Depressed Grad -- Advice?

Parents Forum
1

<p>I could really use some parental guidance on a general "life" issue.</p>

<p>I graduated from university recently and have been struggling a little with the transition to the working world. I didn't really have a great college experience and struggled with depression, as well as an eating disorder and other issues for most of the time I was in school. Neither of the issues were serious enough to warrant hospitalization (although it was discussed a few times), but I believe they still negatively impacted my experience. I feel like I spent most of my time in college at therapy, nutritionist, and/or medical appointments, instead of with real friends.</p>

<p>I was fortunate to receive a full-time job offer before graduating, which made the transition much less stressful than it could have been. Although I used to be exhilarated by my work, I'm not enjoying it very much anymore. I am too distracted by other issues at the moment and have a hard time focusing on my work. It also seems to be a little bit of a slow period, which is very hard for me, although the workload should hopefully pick up in the next few months. </p>

<p>I am, however, wondering if I'll even last that long. I feel like I've been really doubting my career choice lately. I have two very interesting projects that I'm responsible for, but I feel under-qualified and out of my element. I have barely any clothes that fit anymore and am extremely uncomfortable wearing the limited "business clothing" I do have, as it feels too revealing. I still struggle a lot with my body image and would prefer to sit at home in sweats. </p>

<p>**I have been contemplating taking some time off work to attend a residential treatment program for my eating disorder. **At this time, I'm stable physically, but really struggling mentally. I feel as if there's nothing I enjoy anymore, I don't like my job (but don't know what else I'd do instead), I hate the way I look, and I just generally hate the way I feel. I used to really enjoy exercising, but it's compulsive again and I'm afraid I'll damage my body permanently if I don't get it back under control soon. </p>

<p>I am thinking it might be a good idea to try the residential program, as it would give me a chance to get my life in order. I usually have at least 4-5 appointments each week and it still feels like I'm not making progress anymore. I think I've gotten to a point where I know the eating disorder will never become life-threatening again, but at the same time, it doesn't feel like I'll ever get better either. I'm afraid I will be stuck this way forever.</p>

<p>I feel more intensive treatment is my only hope at this point, but I have very limited insurance coverage. ** If I decide to go, I'd most likely be looking at a 25k-50k loan.** There's no guarantee that the treatment will help, but the alternative (continuing on with my life the way it is currently) seems unbearable. And honestly, I'm not so sure how much of this I can take.</p>

<p>*I am wondering if other families have experienced similar situations? Would you stop your child from taking such a large loan? Any advice to combat depression? *</p>

2

<p>Hi depressed, You’ve given us some information on your working world and your medical world, and I am wondering what kinds of things interest you outside of those two spheres.</p>

3

<p>Residential programs can be very beneficial, but should not cost that much. Given your motivation, 3 weeks could be beneficial. Do you have day treatment programs in your area? If you take out such high loans, you will be adding to other problems. Are you seeing an ED specialist? Are you attending free ED groups in your community? (Besides OA, ED groups often offered at hospitals and clinics).</p>

4

<p>I really know nothing about this, but if you’re seeing someone 4-5 times per week and it’s not helping maybe you could try a change of therapist? Also, there are many ED forums where you can find online support.</p>

<p>In this economy you are lucky to have a job, so maybe ask for a side-project to concentrate on while the work is slow? That might take your mind off your issues during the day.</p>

<p>I wish you the best of luck. My sister-in-law battled an eating disorder. I know it is difficult. Keep battling to get the help you need!</p>

5

<p>Thank you all for the advice and support. </p>

<p>Unfortunately, there are absolutely no eating disorder treatment centers in my state that can provide the “level of care” necessary right now. I would prefer to do an intensive day program (some are up to 11-12 hours/day, 7 days/week), but the treatment centers I’ve contacted have insisted that I start as an inpatient. I am very reluctant to do this, as insurance will only cover 14 days in an inpatient program (versus 28 of a day program). </p>

<p>The appointments I usually have are not all with my therapist, but still take up most of my free time. Each week I see: a doctor at the student health center, an individual therapist, a family therapist, a psychiatrist, and a dietitian. I have a very qualified treatment team and nearly all of my providers specialize in eating disorders, but it still feels like I’m just barely treading water. </p>

<p>I obviously will need to think about this issue much more in-depth. I struggle a lot with feelings of jealousy, as I had a close friend experience cancer last year. All of her treatment was covered by insurance, she was cured in under a year, she was able to receive support and encouragement without stigma, and she is now back to a normal life. I, on the other hand, have been sick for over eight years, can not tell anybody at school or work of my struggles, and will have very little of my treatment covered by insurance, if at all. I have lost more weight than she ever did and my sickness has a much higher mortality rate, but because it is a “mental disorder,” it is treated differently.</p>

<p>I know it’s not fair to compare situations like that, but I still do. This whole experience has been very hard for me, as a young adult without much life experience. I think I thought that if I agreed to try a treatment program, everything else would fall into place. I never thought I’d be too expensive too fix; that there would be a limit to the amount paid to save my life. I’m trying so hard to find what’s reasonable and I just don’t know where to turn next. I would love for my own parents to step in and help me financially, but I know they are in no place to do that right now, and I would feel incredibly guilty if they did. I’ve never taken a loan in my life. I chose to attend a reasonably-priced undergraduate school (versus the more expensive ones that were suggested), I live my life very stringently, and I try to save as much as I can. Still, the amount I have saved is barely a drop in the bucket compared to the expenses of more intensive treatment. </p>

<p>It feels like my future is incredibly bleak right now. I will either continue to remain in this sub-clinical state with a life full of appointments and exercise, but not much else, or I will be paying off gigantic loans for decades. Even if I do take out loans to pay for treatment now, there’s no guarantee that it will be effective. I hate to think of what would happen if I sacrificed everything to get this treatment now and it still didn’t work.</p>

<p>I will need to think about this a lot more. At this point, I do not have anything else in my life that interests me and I realize this is likely one of my problems. I enjoy cycling sometimes, but lately the compulsive drive to burn more calories has been ruining it for me. I used to love my job, but my inability to focus on the task at hand has been frustrating. I don’t really have much else. I used to want to go to graduate school, but not anymore. My qualifications may look okay on paper, but as a person, I’d never be able to succeed.</p>

6

<p>" Each week I see: a doctor at the student health center, an individual therapist, a family therapist, a psychiatrist, and a dietitian. I have a very qualified treatment team and nearly all of my providers specialize in eating disorders, but it still feels like I’m just barely treading water. "</p>

<p>Please talk with your treatment team about your concerns, and with their guidance, seek the best options for yourself. If you don’t feel that they are helping you enough, see if you can get a second opinion by a professional who’s knowledgeable about eating disorders.</p>

<p>You have a serious health problem, and it’s not unusual for health problems to become temporarily more severe after one encounters the stress of a major transition such as going from college into the work world. </p>

<p>It would be best if you seek out the advice of qualified professionals as people on message boards like this one may be caring, but lack the expertise to give you the help and advice that would be most beneficial to you.</p>

7

<p>It does sound like you need an inpatient program. No job is worth hanging onto when you are severely depressed and fining no joy in life. </p>

<p>Friends of ours have a daughter who was devastated by anorexia. After many attempts at help she entered a program for a year as was able to emerge on track for a happy life. 5 years later she is healthy, has finished college and is happily engaged. </p>

<p>We’re not talking about borrowing money for a more expensive college here. If you are in the hands of capable professionals and they are advising an intensive program I would do everything in your power to get into one. It doesn’t sound like what your doing now will get you to where you need to be.</p>

8

<p>depressed, Perhaps there is a compromise here where you can spend 1-2 weeks in a structured inpatient program to get the support and care you need, while keeping your position at work intact and remaining loan free. As others have said, we can make suggestions, but this is something you must address with your medical team.</p>

9

<p>Many, many companies have a service for employees that are needing help that the employee prefers to keep confidential. It goes by many names, most commonly “employee assisstance.” Through these programs there are medical resources, addition resources, physchiatrict resources, legal resources, etc. The services are generally provided free to the employees and are entirely confidential from your place of employment. Check your employee handbook or benefits website or call your HR rep to see if your company provides such services before you quit your job. If you did seek a residential treatment program and you are still employed you may qualify to take an unpaid leave of absense and be able to return to your job. If you quit your job then it’s all on you to pay for what you need. It’s quite possible if you get your mental/physical health taken care of you would feel differently about your job.</p>

10

<p>I agree, you need your treatment teams advice about what residential care might change regarding outcome. I’m glad the facilities are being honest with you regarding this.The price you quote sounds right to me, as it is usually far longer than 3 wks, if its to be different than an inpatient hospitalization. The can also talk with you about why now. It should definitely not be a substitute for dealing with this phase of your life.</p>

<p>BTW, I don’t know what sort of ED you have, but sometimes just being “stable” represents progress. I wouldn’t take it to mean your current “team” is not helping.</p>

<p>Also, in many states, certain eating disorders are considered “parity diagnosis”, which world allow it to be covered like any other medical condition. Find out if such a law is present in your state, and if your diagnosis would be a “parity” diagnosis. If so, it could mean unlimited visits and a lower co-pay. Keep in mind that few if any medical diagnosis provide coverage via residential treatment,</p>

11

<p>OP, talk to your PARENTS. Family-based ED treatment has been shown empirically to be one of ther, if not the, most effective ways of treating EDs! </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>